Superbia
by nia-ox
Summary: Third instalment of the Deadly Sins series. Bella gains a new power that turns her lives - past and present - upside down. Can she survive, after Edward has left and her love is jeopardized, when war approaches? Rated M for very sensitive subjects that could be a trigger for some
1. Preface

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, not the story.**

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_Preface_

Isn't it funny, how you can live your life, not knowing who you are, not knowing where you're from...and you just accept it? When all of what you thought you knew is pulled from under you, when all you thought is replaced by all you know, is there any way to accept it? Any way to reverse the mistakes you've made?

I shook my head. "I won't."

The real answer was, I _can't,_ but I would not say that to him. He knew this part of me well, the part that I was just discovering. We were bound together, tighter than anyone had been in the course of history. I had severed that binding, replacing it with another. But obviously not well enough, the little strands of ribbon tearing enough to release me...but not completely.

And now he was back.

And it was quite right, too, that he should return, as we teetered on the brink of destruction. When we _needed_ him.

"It's time, Bella." He said, his red eyes glistening in the light of the moon. "It's time to decide which side you're _really_ on."


	2. Time

**Disclaimer: I own not the wonder of Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse**

**AN – Okay, so I started writing this on the 24****th**** of June 2008. At this point, I'm actually in the middle of writing Avaritia; and we're on Chapter 16. So, I was once again looking through the 7 deadly sins, and found the one I liked most. Well, the one I'm most partial to, I guess.  
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**So here is the third in the trilogy – Superbia. It means Vanity in Latin, by the way.  
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**Thank you all for reviewing the preface, by the way. It means a hell of a lot, and I'm glad to see plenty of you are sticking with me for Superbia!**

**I know a lot of you will be shocked by this chapter; by how much Bella has changed. The years have changed her, yes. Go ahead and read, I know ya wanna ;)**

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"No, Edward," I sighed, running my hand through my luxurious chestnut hair. Again. "I'm _part_ of the Volturi now, and if Aro says that there is a power I should possess, then I will gladly accept him and the wraith with the power into our home, all right?"

"No, Bella!" Edward growled, pinching the bridge of his nose. Again. "You don't know what this power _is_, even, and you're letting Aro come into our home to subject you to it, when you have no idea what it could do to you!"

"Why are you so worried? Aro's chosen powers for me to absorb before. What is it about this damn power that I don't know?!"

"You know you're more powerful than him. Just say no!"

"No, Edward. I'm saying no to _you_. You're avoiding my questions, and you've been acting suspicious since Alice had that vision! I will absorb this _Antonio_'s power, and_ then_ you can tell me what you think about it!" I cried, my porcelain forehead creasing.

We were arguing so much more often, by now. I wondered, vaguely, if human Bella and Edward had argued at all. He'd always said it was so perfect, our relationship. And _then_ I found out that he'd lied. Was I that much of a push over back then? Or was Edward lying through his teeth? _Again_?

_No!_ I scolded myself, running my hands through my silken hair again. Why was I always thinking this, lately? I'd never questioned Edward before. And it had been so long since I'd questioned human Bella, too. Why was all of this coming back in force, like it was my immature first year once again!? I'd been a vampire for almost four decades by now. I mean, no one had anything less than a cinema screen these days; the scientists were well on their way to finding_ another_ alternate renewable energy source_; _but I was still acting like a pitiful, precious, nervous newborn, curious and confused.

What was wrong with me?! I hadn't been this restless in years, literally. It had been back in 2037, I think, when I'd last questioned whether Edward had told me the entire truth about how I first met my vampire companions, the Volturi.

But it was even worse now that the family had learned how to block me from their minds. I'd been so busy concentrating on grasping my newest powers that when I finally brought the originals back into practice, I found that they were a lot less potent.

I'd tried for the last few nights to break stealthily into Edward's mind as we recovered from heated..._kissing_ sessions, but to no avail. _Losing your touch, Bella,_ I'd sighed, resigning to playing with my powers. I hoped if I buttered him up enough with my sweet illusions that he'd let his guard down and let me in.

But to no avail.

The family was no better.

Esme and Carlisle, having had plenty of practice with evading Edward's questioning throughout the years, were succeeding well in keeping my powerful mind out of everything. They continued to be my parental figures, but I knew they thought I needed them less, by now. They let me in enough to see that.

Rosalie and Emmett were the same as they always had been, never altering throughout the years. Emmett continued to be his childlike self, unable to protect his mind from me. He was insightful, and this could have helped me greatly. But this was the reason none of the family told him a god-damn thing. He wasn't very useful in that case. Rosalie and I were like sisters, really and truly. We would tell each other every single thing we thought, and we would finish each other's sentences. We would shop together, we would admire ourselves together, and occasionally drop a compliment to the other. It was rare. She knew me so well, yet she still used Edward's course in how to extract me from her mind.

And then, there was Alice and Jasper. Dysfunctional was their middle name, and they didn't even try and hide it. Jasper was depressed, mourning for some idiotic human girl who liked to sing quotes from Moulin Rouge. _Seriously_, I sighed. _After what, eighty years, he was still unable to let her go?_ Even though he had Alice, well, _barely_, he still moped after this frail human girl. Who was, by now, I realized, quite plain and worthless.

I couldn't hate Jasper, though. No matter how much I tried to.

Alice, however, was schizophrenic. Literally. Carlisle was unable to send her to a mental institution for obvious reasons, and her multiple sessions with therapists and myself made no progress. In fact, they often made things worse. Alice had killed the last therapist she'd had; it had caused untold chaos for us. We now lived in France; having had to move from Canada because of her idiotic actions. There was a reason she had killed him, we were aware. She wouldn't tell any of us what it is, but I heard it once, in her mind, while she was caught off guard.

"_Is that why you hate her so much, Alice?"_

"_She stole him then killed him. And I'm the one holding the corpse."_

The therapist had come too close. To what, I didn't know. I was still in the dark about that, of course. I ignored it, by now. She stayed holed up in her room, separate to Jasper's hell hole. They only came out to hunt. And then I could tell, the light practically burned them.

Edward was the only one who still spoke to Alice properly, apart from Esme and Carlisle. Edward was always with Alice. Consoling her. I used to be there for Jasper. But then one day, Edward visited him, and he never responded in the same way to me. I stopped going to see him, then.

I was still in the dark about that, of course. I ignored it, by now. I had more important things to take care of, like my appearance and the power I had obtained by becoming the first leading female member of the Volturi. And the most powerful.

But behind all of the harsh – yet realistic- stereotypes I posted on my family, I was hurt. Because they didn't find me _independent_, or _interesting,_ or even _part of the family_. Truly, they were scared of me. Absolutely and completely terrified of me.

"Bella, please," Edward whispered, sombre now. "Just this once, let me take the veto on this. You don't _need_ this damned power!"

"Oh," I whispered, the pieces clicking into place suddenly in a burst of intuition. "The power's got something to do with the past, hasn't it? What did Alice see?"

"Nothing." He answered quickly. "You know she sees very little by now. She saw nothing."

"What if I take a visit of my own up to see Alice?" I hissed. "What if I break into her very fragile mind? What will I see, Edward?" I asked, advancing. "What will I see?"

"Nothing, Bella. You'll see absolutely nothing, beautiful." He sighed. "You can have the power."

"That's what I thought," I whispered, pressing my lips to his again.

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**We all know how much I like painting the bad girl :D**


	3. Jasper

**Disclaimer: Yes, because every famous writer makes up hopeless fan fiction instead of rolling around in solid gold bathtubs full of money... **

**I've got a new poll up on my profile that'll determine Alice's future in Superbia. Please, go and vote. And no, there won't be a similar poll for Edward, as I have already determined his future. **

**And, probably the most eagerly awaited chapter...Jasper :D  
**

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"Who is it?" I heard him growl through the darkness. The windows were shrouded in dark curtains; no light shone on his eternally perfect features. For a moment, I was scared of him and his darkness.

"Answer me," he growled more menacingly.

"It's me, Jasper." I whispered, my voice softening from its harsh tones of earlier in the day. It was night time now. And this was Jasper. I could never hurt someone so fragile.

"Bella?" He gasped; scrambling audibly to get up. I couldn't see him in the darkness, but I knew where he had been sitting. I hadn't been to see him in so long, but I was sure he sat in the same place. He always did.

I walked slowly over towards him, as he sat placidly in the corner. I knew only moments ago he had been curled up in a ball against the wall, thinking. He was always thinking.

But now I was here. And that made him happy.

"What's new, Jazz?" I whispered, sitting down next to him.

"I haven't seen you in so long," he murmured, reaching out and taking my hand. "What made you come tonight?"

He had no track of day and night, all was dark to him. I was his light, I was his moon. When I came, it was always nighttime. That was how he knew.

He told me.

"I've been neglecting you," I apologized quietly, clasping his hand tighter.

"There's more than that," he said persistently. "Something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," I gasped, putting my head down. I'd forgotten that Jasper could feel my emotions. Feel the hurt that I brought into the room with me.

"Is it Edward?" He asked hopefully. I'd come to realize that Jasper had feelings for me.

"Somewhat, yes."

"What's the some part?" He joked.

Jasper had never lost any of his personality with me. He kept it hidden from everyone else.

"Everything," I whispered. I didn't want to break down.

"Bella," he whispered, squeezing my hand again. "Tell me everything. Please."

"Okay," I whimpered. He let go of my hand, and put his arm around me.

"Where do I start?" I whispered, inhaling his gorgeous scent.

"Start at the start."

Jasper had become the only person who understood me. He was the person I wished Edward could be; non-sceptical, understanding and empathetic.

"I wish I'd never lost my memory." I sighed. "I wish I'd never joined the Volturi. I wish Alice hadn't gone crazy. I wish you hadn't exiled yourself to this room. I wish Edward understood me. I wish Carlisle and Esme understood that I still need my parents," my voice was wavering uncertainly "I wish that I knew the truth. I wish I wasn't such a callous bitch. I wish I was who I am with you all the time."

I dry sobbed into his chest, tightening my hold around him. "I wish I wasn't _using_ you."

"Bella," he sighed.

"Bella. Look at me." I couldn't.

"Bella," he pulled my face up gently to look at him as my chest heaved from restraining my tearless sobs. "You'll get your memory back. We know that you get overwhelmed now and again, and that you get your memory back at those points; something will happen. You will get your memory back."

"But that doesn't change what's happened because of it." I whispered.

"No, but we can work around this, I promise it'll all work out in the long run. And we have eternity to work it out."

"Okay," I whispered, clutching his shirt carefully.

"And maybe you shouldn't have joined the Volturi, but you did. And you're the most powerful vampire they've ever seen. I wouldn't worry, Bella. Nothing's wrong with being a Volturi queen." He chuckled.

"Right," I whispered, unable to laugh myself.

"People bow down to you!" He joked. I was able to release a nervous laugh.

"Alice isn't crazy," he murmured, holding me closer. "Her mind is just a little addled, at the moment. Once she's gotten some closure, she'll be happy again."

"She _is_ crazy Jasper!" I countered. "She won't leave her room...she's given herself to her visions...she's never ever happy. She won't talk to anyone!"

"Well, Bella, I know you don't believe me now, but you should go talk to her. You'll understand, then."

"See what I mean? I'm even being a callous bitch to you!" I sobbed, my voice wavering.

"Bella, you're not a callous bitch. And one day, things will get better. You will know the truth. You remember what Elizabeth said?"

"Yes," I whimpered. "But I'll cause so much damage in the mean time...that could mean Alice...and you...and everything. I'm a terrible person!"

"Bella," Jasper growled. He hardly _ever_ used this tone with me. _Ever_! "Look, you silly, beautiful, over-sensitive woman, you're not a terrible person! You're so utterly amazing that I swear you must be of more than divine creation; but we all have our flaws. And you have some too, that's just the way it is."

"Thanks, Jasper." I whispered slowly. I wanted to say so much more.

Here in this bubble with Jasper, no one else mattered. It did not matter that unless Jasper was with me, he was a closed book, bordering on insane. It did not matter that his wife, and my previous best friend, really _was_ insane, and I would need to speak to her soon, despite the amount I was dreading it. It did not matter that my family was downstairs, breaking apart slowly. And it did not matter that I had a husband who loved me unconditionally, whether I hurt him, manipulated him, disobeyed him or neglected him. He still loved me. He still trusted me.

And one day, I would break that trust.


	4. Alice

**Disclaimer: I own the plot line, not the story.**

**I like to have at least one extra chapter in my documents before I upload the previous, and I don't at the moment. So you guys should be grateful! If you don't take well to gore, then stop reading at the first divider, and scroll to the next. Thanks for the heads up with that, Nikki!**

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It was getting light, once I left Jasper's room with a soft goodbye.

I stood by the ornate staircase, willing myself to make the choice. I could go down, or up.

If I went down, then I could have a good time gossiping with Rosalie about that human tramp, Sofia Felton, who had just had _another_ child by _another_ man. Or, I could be talking to Esme about gardening, and weighting the pros and cons of microplastery with Carlisle. I could be kissing Edward or wrestling Emmett with my mind.

It would have been so much _healthier_ for me to go downstairs.

And yet I knew I would have to go and see her at some point.

With a sigh, I walked -slower than human pace- up the winding staircase; I didn't feel the need to speed up. She should know I was coming, anyway. She didn't need her sight – it was obvious I would have to see her at some point. I dawdled on the steps...I didn't want to rush myself.

And I would do anything to put this off.

When I reached the landing, I smoothed down my clothes self-consciously. Alice, despite preferring solitude these days, had not lost _any_ of her fashion sense. In fact, Alice bought her clothes off the internet – she still wanted to look fashionable, even if there was no one there to see it. And I didn't want to look like a mess when I walked in through her door, though it would practically be impossible for that to be the case for someone like _me_.

I knocked softly on the door. "Alice?"

I prayed she wouldn't acknowledge me.

"Come in," she murmured, from her current position on her bed.

_Damn it!_ I cursed. I had been hoping that she would pretend she couldn't hear me.

I opened the door slowly, and Alice _was _sitting on her bed, laptop open. Alice hadn't changed much, in the years I hadn't seen her. Her hair was in a perfect disarray, her eyes light since her last hunt.

But as I looked closer, I could see something else. Her head was tilted slightly to the side, and on the Alice of the past, this would be a welcoming gesture. But, on this Alice...I was not so sure.

"Good morning." she smiled. Her neck was held stiffly, her smile so wide that it was slowly becoming a grimace, her teeth bared. Her eyes were a little frantic as she struggled for normalcy.

_Oh, shit._ I thought. _This is **nice** Alice! How much easier would it be if she just dropped the act already?_

"Good morning to you too," I smiled back. "How are you?"

"Fine. I'm surprised it took you this long to come to me, though you should have seen what you want to see yourself..."

"My powers are waning. There are too many new ones – they replace the old. I have to practice them all regularly or they fade in their potency."

She nodded quickly; I almost missed the movement. "And you want to know what the new power is going to be?"

I nodded. "Wait – how do you know all this? I thought I was invisible to you."

She chuckled. "I had a hard time last night, Bella. When you let your guard down with Jasper so that he could feel you, you let my sight in too. Your life came flooding in to me. You have so much waiting for you."

I was utterly curious, and utterly terrified. She climbed from the bed and sat down, cross legged, opposite me on the floor. I was all too aware of her sudden proximity to me – knowing how dangerous she could be.

The image of Doctor Walters' mangled carcass had my terror inching up a few notches...the stench of his blood, left for days, was vile, according to Edward. I was the only one capable of keeping my cool around the blood; the clean up job had been mine.

The entire surgery was quiet, when I slipped in through the back window. A high class psychiatrist's office was where the body was. It was then that I spotted the secretary, knocked out against her desk. But, I proceeded to Doctor Walters' office, knowing this was where the true problem lay.

His body was unrecognizable. I kept my eyes away from the picture of him and his wife and child - presumably – that was spattered with his blood, sitting on his desk. I had been on clean up jobs like this before, as a pastime, with Felix and Demetri. It was easier when you pretended that it was done by a wild animal, not someone you could relate to. And I applied the same clinical look when observing this scene.

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The subject's body was torn to pieces, his internal organs mashed into mince. The attacker had smashed his skull, gouging his eyeballs out in the process. His face was mostly intact – it was not shredded like the rest of his body. His eyeballs were disgusting, bloodshot and forever staring up at me.

The body had already been set in rigor mortis; Dr Walters' mouth stretched open in his final cry of shock – one that had never been uttered. Alice had been too quick for that.

Unlike previous jobs with my guard, I could not merely pick the body up and incinerate it. It was too broken up for that. His lower body was mostly intact; I took that out of the back window with me so that Emmett could dispose of it.

"Is that all that was left?" He gasped, incredulous. _How could she mutilate him until there were only severed legs left?_

"No." My tone was curt. "That's all that was left intact."

I turned to leave, but he pulled me back. "Bella, you can't do that on your own. I'll come and help."

I shook him off, but he followed anyway. I had never heard anything like it – Emmett's garbled choking as he saw the remains of the body. His low oath was understandable.

"_How could she do this?_"

"Pretend you don't know who did it, Emmett. It's just a clean up job. An animal attack. Nothing direct to do with us."

We spent the rest of the night, until dawn, cleaning up his office clinically. I was sure that the inside of my nostrils would smell like bleach forever, after we left. But when we dragged the two severed legs back into his office and had to mutilate them further until they looked like the only remains that would be possible of a fire, I was convinced that my body would smell like blood for eternity, even if I couldn't smell it, I would never really be clean.

And then we torched the place.

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Alice had knocked the secretary out badly, too. She was on her way into a coma. Later on, I had to take her to Juneau's nearest hospital – "Her name is Bianca, Bianca Kilshaw! She's m-my best friend, I think she fell down the stairs in her home and I only just found her, and when I opened the door-" I broke off here to add in some realistic sobs, "-she was lying on the floor in this state! She won't wake up, please help her!" My beauty had driven that flawed lie into a believable one.

"I do?" I asked, returning to the present, and curiosity overpowering my understandable fright.

"Oh yes. Your life shall be a constant need to choose: everywhere you go, everything you do, massive choices are facing you. One is coming quicker now, it is coming closer to you at every moment. I know the outcome of that, also. There is no doubt."

"And it is bad?" I asked. "Edward was reluctant to let me absorb the power."

"Edward has no qualms with you absorbing the power. He just doesn't want the boy to come here and use it on you. You'll want it, but what you will see, Bella, what you will see..."

"What will I see?"

She laughed, a cackle. I could see why Carlisle was worried about her. She was clearly not of a stable mind. "Ah, what you will see...you will remember nothing, and everything." Her eyes darkened to a deep black, nothing in their depths.

"Alice...you're scaring me now..."

"It's going to hurt. The pain of a thousand knives. And we will watch you die a second time." She was crawling forward, facing me. I was immobile.

"Alice, please," I begged. "Stop, please!"

"The light will burn your eyes, and your throat will burst into flame, your heart will beat again for a fraction of a second, and then you'll die all over again in the flames of your own vanity, your own self adoration..."

"Edward!" I screamed, not knowing what to do. "Edward! Edward, help me!"

Edward came rushing in, knocking the door from it's hinges.

"What's wrong Bella?" Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me up.

"Alice!" I screamed – I wasn't used to this. No one challenged _me_, no one frightened _me_.

"The darkness you will see, Isabella, the pain you will feel...the deaths that you've caused will be avenged...and you'll hurt me one last time."

I had never killed – only animals, once every year on the anniversary of my change – and I knew that Alice meant death of spirit. And I would hurt her, one last time.

Would I kill her?

"Alice, stop," Edward growled, pushing me further out of the door. "Carlisle! Emmett!"

"And remember this, Isabella Cullen. _I will forgive you_. I will forgive you for it. But he won't. You'll _kill_ him."

"Who is _he_, Alice?" I cried, trying to see her twisted face as Carlisle ran in with Emmett to restrain her.

"Edward, Bella! _He_ is Edward." She cried, her garbled voice breaking.

I gasped, collapsing to the floor myself. Rosalie was there with Esme, helping me up.

Carlisle put the inhalant that Aro had concocted to Alice's nose; she relaxed into his arms.

"No. No! I need to know!" I gasped. I pulled out of my sister and mother's grips, and ran to my disturbed sister. "Alice!" I shook her. "Tell me! What's going to happen, Alice?"

I turned to Carlisle. "When will she wake up?"

"In a few hours." His tone was defeated – he hated his daughter hurting to the point that she was crazed. He walked out of the room with the rest of the family, resuming their earlier actions with a little less vigour than before.

No one stayed to see if I was alright, because I was Bella. I picked myself up on my own.

And that's what I did. I stood up, with Alice in my arms, and tucked her into her bed. I turned off her laptop, put it back on her desk.

For a while, I watched her sleeping – she wasn't breathing, and she didn't look peaceful. I knew that during this time, she wouldn't see or feel anything. I thought about waiting for her to wake up.

But eventually, I stood up, and wrote a note for Alice on the post it note block she kept beside the bed.

_I'm sorry_.

Then, I turned off the light, closed the door behind me, and walked away.

Even though I felt a pair of eternal eyes slowly opening and watching me leave.

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_**Please review!**_


	5. Rosalie

**Disclaimer: I wonder, why do we all put disclaimers? It doesn't say in the guidelines that we should, does it?**

**But anyway, I don't own Twilight, or Disturbia, or Promiscuous Girl. I own copies of each, though!**

**You guys are fantastic. I love you guys SO MUCH! 100 REVIEWS! FOR FOUR CHAPTERS?! Oh, you guys are too good to me! And, Rose and Bella's outfits will be on my Fan Fiction Freewebs site – from now on to be known as FFF!**

**Quite a trivial chapter, I guess. Oh, and just to let you know, I'm trying to acknowledge that we're in the future, so when weird words appear, please don't tell me I've made a mistake – it's all intentional.**

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"Bella, you're scaring _me_ now. If you carry on talking like this, you'll be a wreck by the time Alice's scene takes place."

"I know," I sighed, pushing my hair away from my face before I flicked the page of the magazine over again. "It just gets hard not to think about it, you know?"

"Yes, I know. But she's probably just trying to scare you." She lowered her voice, "You're not going to kill Edward."

"You don't know that," I hissed back, the tone of my voice not affecting my best friend in the least.

Her aura became a muddied red – she was angry.

"Aren't you worried, Rose?" I pestered, flipping myself over on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

"About what?" She asked.

I lifted the bed up until we were hovering nearer the ceiling. Rosalie laughed.

"About our family." Rosalie's giggles quietened quickly, and I regretted trying to ease the atmosphere.

"In what way?" She asked warily.

"Well, Alice is crazy, Jasper's a recluse-"

"But we're all okay!" She exclaimed, cutting me off. "You and I, we're okay! Emmett is fine! Edward's the same as he always has been! We're _all fine!_"

"How can you ignore it Rose? We're all falling apart," I hissed.

"No, we're not. Everything is perfect. We're already falling apart in Alice and Jasper's case. _I will not have my family obsolete_."

So that was what she had meant – all these times when I'd worried out loud about the state of our family and she had denied it. She doesn't want to lose the family.

"I can't lose you, Bella." She murmured. "You're my best friend. I've got you and Emmett, and you both make my world. Everything else can crumble as long as I've got you two that I can count on. But if everything else crumbles, it'll take you two down with it. I won't let that happen."

I nodded understandingly, but added harshly, "You can't ignore it, Rose."

She took a deep breath, and her aura became a dark blue.

She feared for the future.

"Sorry, Rose," I sighed. "I shouldn't be taking this out on you."

"Don't worry. I know you're getting thirsty."

I nodded. "It's quite bad, yes." I lied, my throat barely tickled. "What's the date?"

"Um, August 20th."

I nodded. "Right. Not too long now then."

I did not hunt on a regular basis like my family. I hunted once a year, on the anniversary of my change. When my family went on long hunting trips, I would take trips of my own. Mostly, I would go to Italy, spend a little time there.

Jasper would come too.

Jasper sacrificed a lot of things for me. Hunting was one of them.

"Where do you want to go?" Rosalie asked, flipping herself on her side to look at me.

I copied her movement. "Um, I'll get back to you with that. I'll have to have a look around."

"Did I show you what I bought on my last shopping trip, Bella?" Rose asked, changing the subject tactfully.

"Nope, I don't think you did. Let's see."

She fluttered into her wardrobe and brought out a rack full of clothes – all of which still had the tags on them.

"Hmm, I like the gold one," I observed the one piece she was holding up to me.

"Me too." She stripped off and tried it on to show me.

"Oh, you look fantastic Rose!"

She was wearing a gold tank dress with rows of metallic sequins that hung like chain mail across it -that screamed designer. And it looked fabulous on her.

"I got you one too," she divulged, throwing me a similarly coloured garment.

It was a mini dress; with its frayed hemline, too tight glittery charcoal fabric, and overly revealing neckline, I knew Edward would think I looked cheap.

But Cullen girls were fashion forward.

And I loved it.

"We've got to go out, Rose!" I squealed. "Dancing?"

"Dancing." She agreed. "Just you and me, or shall we ask the boys?"

"How about a girl's night out?" I pondered, running my hands over the dress again. I wanted to see how many human men I could pull in this dress – along with my powers of seduction that I'd received from Cassandra, the last succubus to enter our home.

Rosalie caught on with what I wanted to try out instantly. A competition.

Rosalie and I were of course, best friends, but we loved to challenge one another. I would use a subtle power to draw men to me, and she would use her beauty.

It was an even enough competition to be conceived as a challenge for both of us.

"I'm up for it." She smiled cheekily. "We've got a few hours before _Sens_ opens, so do you want to start getting ready?"

_Sens_ was our favourite club in France – it made us reminiscent of _Senses_ at our last home in Canada. All of the men at _Sens_ were looking for beautiful women, and the women equally looking for delectable men. We were the epitome of beautiful – and we enjoyed making sure every one in the club knew so. We'd never cheat on our husbands, merely draw the men to us and shrug them off.

And so, we both got up and set to beautifying ourselves – not that we needed to do much.

As I finished applying the last coat of mascara – making my eyelashes so heavy that had I been human, I would have surely fallen over - I heard a murmur from the last room on this floor. "Bella,"

Jasper.

"I'll be right back Rose," I mumbled hastily as I scuttled from the room, along the corridor to Jasper's room.

I was instantly worried – Jasper never, ever, called me. And in the middle of the day! I was sure there was something wrong. I didn't even hesitate to knock or to open the door slowly, I went barging in.

"Is everything alright, Jasper?" I asked, my eyes searching for him frantically. I couldn't see him anywhere in the room...but it didn't look like his room.

The curtains were open – I could see that twilight was approaching. The lights – ones that were rarely used in Jasper's room – were on, the filament in the bulb burning away happily.

"Jasper?" I called again, worry saturating my tone.

The room was more orderly than usual, I noted; there were books out on the bed, opened, half read. Like Jasper was...looking for something.

"Jasper?" I repeated, as I whirled around, looking for him.

And there he was, coming out of the bathroom, towelling his hair dry.

And looking like a God.

"Jasper! You scared me!" I accused, swatting him with my hand as he neared.

"Sorry. I wanted to talk to you before you left."

I was incredibly tempted to ask him what had caused his change – but I held back so as not to offend him. "Well, shoot!"

He leant in and pressed his lips to my ear, not wanting to be heard. "Bella, I know what you do on your nights out with Rose-" I looked away in embarrassment "-and I want you to be careful, okay?"

"Jasper, I'll be fine. But thank you for worrying about me." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight.

I tried to ignore the thrills that ran up and down my body as I felt him kiss my hair.

As I retreated through his door with a smile on my face, I felt an unexpected set of eternal eyes upon me from where their owner sat perched on the staircase.

"Ready to go?" Rose asked, as I approached her by the door.

"Yes, definitely." I smiled triumphantly. I was going to win tonight.

"Bye baby!" Emmett called from the couch; Rosalie walked over to him and planted a loud kiss on his lips.

"Bye honey," I murmured, before kissing Edward on the lips in the same fashion.

"Enjoy girls!" Esme called from the kitchen.

"Oh," I smiled to Rose, "we will!"

* * *

"Same stakes as always?"

"Definitely." I agreed. Time up was midnight. Loser gave the Winner their entire wardrobe.

"Who have we got a clear shot at?" Rose asked, scanning the place.

I sighed happily, embracing the heat and lust of our favourite club. The dance floor was a complex pattern of limbs reaching, hips swaying.

"Why don't we just go dance and see what happens?" I suggested to Rose, absent-mindedly smiling sexily at the barman.

The barman who then managed to drop the French Martini that he was about to place on the bar.

"One," I murmured to Rose.

_How the hell did you do that?_ She exclaimed mentally.

I smiled sexily at her like I did the barman, and she frowned.

_Dammit. I declare this game on, Bella. I'll win tonight._

I smiled smugly and shook my head, gliding to the dance floor.

"We're going for the oldies night tonight, people!" The DJ called out over the music in first French, then English.

_No more gas in the rear  
Can't even get it started  
Nothing heard, nothing said  
Can't even speak about it  
All my life on my head  
Don't want to think about it  
Feels like I'm going insane  
Yeah _

If the babble of lustful humans continued in my head, I would definitely go crazy. It didn't help that I could see their auras, too. I had learnt over the years to block unwanted powers, so I focused mainly on the powers of seduction, empathy and mind reading.

At first, all the voices I heard were a babble, sex driven thoughts directed at a Fleu, a Dar, a Ru, a Brant. And even a Shakira...

_Cut me off a slice of **that**!_

_Victim number one,_ I thought to myself. There was a tall man – tall, dark and handsome, in fact – who could have easily passed for a vampire. He was staring intently at me, and I was about to advance towards him, but upon seeing an easier target, I winked at him, knowing that as I disappeared into the crowd, his thoughts were with me.

_It's a thief in the night  
To come and grab you  
It can creep up inside you  
And consume you  
A disease of the mind  
It can control you  
It's too close for comfort __  
_

_Game on, Bella_, I recognized Rosalie's voice in the babble. _I just got two!_

_Dammit!_ I cursed mentally, turning round to see Rosalie with a man at each side. She was one up! If I expected to win this, then I would have to push the boat out. I twisted through the heated, writhing bodies, until I was directly in the middle of the marquette, each flickering set of strobes pulsing along with the hi-tech SS6000 speakers.

_Put on your brake lights  
We're in the city of wonder  
Ain't gon' play nice  
Watch out you might just go under  
Better think twice  
Your train of thought will be altered  
So if you must falter be wise  
Your mind is in disturbia  
It's like the darkness is the light  
Disturbia _

I didn't have to pretend I was sexy in order to dance, like so many of the timid humans here. I _was_ sexy – and they knew it.

_One, two, three, four, five, ten, twelve, nineteen..._

I drew each man closer with my power, and my writhing body. I would not stay with any man for more than ten seconds, I'd move further away from them, moving to another path in the pattern I'd created.

_Twenty-six, Thirty-two, Forty-two..._

Rosalie laughed, appearing suddenly in front of me and matching me move for move. "I'm winning, Bella!" She shouted over the music. "It's two minutes to Twelve, and I'm on forty-nine!"

I smiled triumphantly. "Fifty-" I paused, winking at another man who'd just thought of me in a less than innocent position. "Fifty-seven."

"What!?" She screeched. _You've been using your power!_

_Promiscuous girl  
Wherever you are  
I'm all alone  
And it's you that I want_

_Promiscuous boy  
You already know  
That I'm all yours  
What you waiting for? _

"Not a lot," I smirked. "And you're out of time."

_Five more minutes!_ She begged.

I obliged. Well, I had already won, by far. How many men could she pick up in another five minutes.

Suddenly, right in front of me was Mr Tall-Dark-and-Handsome. His thoughts were as lustful as ever, his emotions cunning and lust-filled. His hands secured themselves straight to my hips, and I was surprised to find he wasn't as warm as the other humans.

I pushed my hips forcefully from side to side, but at some point during our dance, I realised that I wasn't pushing my hips, he was. With quite some force...more than a human could possibly exert. I frowned – he was pushing me backwards through the crowd, away from Rosalie, away from the light. I moved my hand to his chest. No heartbeat.

He took the word right out of my mouth. "Vampire."

_Don't be mad, don't get mean  
Don't get mad, don't be mean _

"Who are you?" I growled, pulling myself from his grip. The contacts in his eyes had disintegrated, revealing his red eyes.

"More importantly, who are you, Bella Cullen?" He restrained my arms, holding my wrists tightly.

"You already know who I am, obviously. How do you know my name?" I tried not to convey my terror. He was obviously stronger than me. He tugged me outside the club to the highway.

"I've been watching you for a while, on the Masters' orders. I must say, your family really is quite intriguing."

"What do you mean!?" I hissed as venomously as was possible.

It didn't faze him; he pressed my body into the slick outer wall of the club.

"Carlisle was friends with the Masters, once." He breathed in my ear, pressing his body against mine in a way that was sinful, even to me on a night out. "That made the Masters overlook his comradeship with the Volturi."

The Volturi?

Oh, Lord. Jasper was around me at all times, being my personal guard. I leave the house for five minutes and BANG, I get a murderous vampire after me.

"And now you've ruined that for your family, O, Queen of the Vampires."

I scowled, pushing him away from me. "Leave my family out of this! Just leave us alone! Rosalie!" I shouted, hoping to catch her attention in some form or another.

"For now then, Bella." The unnamed vampire smiled mockingly. "But one day, Volterra shall fall. And you with it."

And then he was gone.

"Bella?" Rose called, turning the corner just a second too late.

"Rosalie," I gasped, collapsing to the floor.

"Bella!" She exclaimed, gathering me up in her arms. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know...I-" A familiar blackness overcame me.

* * *

"Rosalie?" I asked, confused as to why I was in her arms.

"Bella, Bella, what happened?" She was frantic – something I had never seen before on Rosalie.

"What- what do you mean? Where's Edward? Where's Alice? Where's Jasper?" I squealed, trying to get out of her arms.

"Oh," she breathed. "It's you." Her tone was sharper, more curt.

"Of course it's me...Rosalie...where are we?"

"Oh Lord in Heaven, how the hell am I going to get the incident out of her now? Damn episodes!" She cursed.

"What? Rosalie! Rosalie can you please let me down? I want Edward..."

"Bella, can you hush for a minute? I need you to calm down, okay?" She held me tighter in her arms, and I was sure it would leave a bruise. Why was I alone with Rosalie? Was she tired of me and Jasper being in the family still? Was she going to try and dispose of me?

I kicked harder.

"Bella!" Her voice was so stern and authoritative that I became still instantly. I was so terrified. "It's so hard to talk to her like that..." She murmured to herself as she began walking briskly to a fancy red convertible.

"Rose...please..." I begged, as she dropped me onto the passenger seat. "I know you hate me but please-"

"Hate you?" She interrupted, but I ignored her.

"Please, maybe Alice and Jasper, and Edward and I, maybe we can leave? If we're that much trouble? Just...please Rose," I whimpered. "Don't kill me."

"Kill you?!" She exclaimed, turning to look at me in what looked like shock. "Bella, honey," her face softened. "I'm not going to kill you, I promise. Look, honey, I know you're overwhelmed now, but just calm down. It'll all be okay."

For some obscure reason, I trusted her – I calmed myself even though we were driving fast down an unfamiliar road.

And blackness engulfed me again.

* * *

"Rose?!" I screeched, clinging to her arm. "I think it happened again!"

I became aware that we were back in Rosalie's red convertant, speeding towards home.

She turned to me, her face grave. "I'm sorry honey, but it did."

"Oh!" I gasped, hiding my face in my hands. I hated when I had my episodes. "What happened?"

"You thought I was going to kill you." Rose murmured, taking a sharp turn.

I'd thought my best friend was going to kill me? "I'm so sorry Rose." I gasped.

"Don't worry Bella. I deserved it. Now what happened?"

"I'm-I'm scared, Rosalie." I whispered. I didn't like admitting weakness. I was _not_ weak.

"It's okay honey. I'm here. We'll be home soon. It'll all be okay, I promise."

I tried to concentrate on her voice, not on my fears. My sister was with me, my best friend. And everything would be alright.

* * *

**By the way, I often post sneak peeks of the next chapter a few days before it's uploaded on my FFF blog. So make sure you check in now and again!**


	6. Carlisle

**Disclaimer - again, why do we have to put disclaimers?**

**Look guys, you know I love you, and I appreciate you reading and reviewing more than you could know. But _please_, don't PM me saying "When are you going to update? Update!" or "Is this a Bella and Jasper story or not, when are they going to get together?" because I honestly do not have time for that. **

**It takes me longer to update now than it used to, so I can't update straight away. I was told by a friend that inspiration comes in waves, and she's right – I have to work hard to find the right material in order to build up the chapters, reintroduce the characters, and then fall into the plot I intend to write. **

**Please, be patient, and stop PM-ing me with these kinds of questions. I am writing as fast as I can find possible- I'm going through a little personal trouble right now, and I've got to try and keep myself sane instead of writing constantly. I'm sorry.**

* * *

"It's okay, Bella," Rosalie hushed me, wrapping her arm around me as we got out of the car. I was shaking.

I knew Edward was listening to Rosalie's thoughts as we had zoomed into the driveway, because all of a sudden there was a commotion within the house.

"_What _happened?!" Jasper was downstairs?

"I don't know – something happened to Bella," Edward growled.

"Wait, Edward-" Carlisle was obviously telling Edward to bide his time.

But I didn't care about that. I was too scared.

Edward came rushing out to the driveway, wrenching me out of Rosalie's arms and into his own.

"Are you okay beautiful?"

"No," I murmured. "Not really."

Edward rushed me into the living room with him, setting me down on the couch.

"What happened Bells?" Jasper asked, rushing to my side instantly.

"She doesn't like being called Bells, Jasper." Edward told him coldly.

"No, I don't mind," I whispered, turning back to Jasper. "It was..." I bit my lip, hurting myself in the process. "He was so big and he knows all about us and..."

"What?" Emmett asked, coming to sit next to me. "Who was Bella?"

"I-I don't know," I stammered. "Rose..."

Rosalie came and sat next to me, holding my hand.

"This...man...in the club... he was a vampire...and he knew I was, too. And he was a human drinker... and he knew my name...he said_ 'I've been watching you for a while, on the Masters' orders. I must say, your family really is quite intriguing.' _He said you knew the Masters, Carlisle. That you were friends, even though you'd spent time with the Volturi..."

"Romanians!" Carlisle hissed.

"He said I'd ruined it for the family because I was 'Queen of Vampires'...Then I called Rosalie and he said '_For now then, Bella. But one day, Volterra shall fall. And you with it._' and disappeared."

"And then I came." Rosalie took the words out of my mouth. "And Bella blacked out again."

There were simultaneous shocked intakes of breath.

"What happened this time?" Edward asked, pushing Emmett out of the way so that he could sit down by me.

"Thought I was going to kill her," Rosalie muttered.

Everyone seemed shocked, they all gasped.

Apart from Jasper.

Who growled.

"You must have terrified her!" He hissed at Rosalie. "You know how scared she was of you!"

"I know," Rosalie sounded like she could cry. I hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry Rosie,"

"Don't be," Rosalie and Jasper said at the same time.

I looked up at Jasper, and his smouldering eyes burnt right through me. I wanted more than anything to hug him, to fall into his arms and listen to him telling me everything would be alright.

He opened his arms, as if he knew what I wanted.

Or maybe he just wanted the same thing.

I literally fell onto him, and he held me tightly as I sobbed, tears of venom rolling down my cheeks and burning through his shirt.

Stupid power.

"Jasper, give her to me and get back up to your room. I don't even know why you're down here." Edward growled, wrenching me back out of Jasper's arms.

"I'm here to take back my place," Jasper whispered, getting up and kissing my forehead, then going back upstairs.

"Edward!" I scolded him. "Why did you do that?"

Though, I was more surprised that no one had berated him before me.

Edward completely ignored my question. "Carlisle, I think you should tell Bella your theories about...everything."

_Everything!?_ Carlisle was so shocked that he was unable to keep me out.

Edward gave one sharp nod.

And that was how I ended up in my father's study as he paced back and forth.

"The Romanians have had a centuries-long feud with the Volturi. They fought hard and lost many...it seems like they still hold a grudge."

"And they're after me because of this?!"

"Seems so."

"Let them come," I smirked. "I'm more powerful than all of them."

"Yet you failed to use any of your powers tonight, daughter."

I shrugged it off, asking him to tell me everything else.

"Bella...I don't really know what to tell you," Carlisle was at a loss for words.

Or maybe, it wasn't that he was at a loss for words.

It was that something was direly wrong.

"Just tell me, Carlisle," I said with conviction, straightening up.

"Bella, when you have these _episodes_, you seem to forget who you are...and remember who you were."

"Who I was? Who I was?! What does that even mean? I remember everything I've forgotten? Is that it?"

"Yes, Bella. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. One step closer, I guess."

My father smiled. "You never let anything phase you, do you?"

I shook my head. "I'm tougher than that."

"You're not my little girl any more then," he joked.

"Do you want to hang out, or something?" I asked, feeling unusually nervous. "We haven't spent time together in a while."

"Sure, Bella. My shift in the hospital is at nine, so we've got a few hours!"

I smiled. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, I've still got some work to do...you could help me diagnose these patients?"

I had a medical degree, but it was nothing compared to the knowledge that Carlisle and Edward had developed over their centuries. So I made a face.

"I...um..."

"Don't worry Bella. I know you've been wanting to talk about microplastery for a while...we could talk about that?"

I nodded. "Sure! I'd love that!"

"Right then, which side are you taking?"

"For!" I said straight away. I'd been planning this debate for months!

"Guess I'm taking against then. Okay- your points."

"First of all, it's blatant this is helping people, so why not take risks?"

Carlisle laughed. "True. Carry on."

"Well, just because the metal is being sub-fused until it splits into suzama points doesn't mean that it's going to be unstable when you do insert it into the joints."

"Well it does, actually – you know as well as I do that the suzama point is instable, and that it isn't proven yet! I think it'd be safer to subfuse them to saft points instead of suzama, because they're much more reliable!"

"But it costs more than-"

Carlisle's beeper beeped.

He eyed it.

"Oh sorry Bella, Morison's going into dole first. Can we continue this another time?"

"Sure, sure." I murmured, watching him speed out of the room.

The hospital came first, these days. If Carlisle couldn't fix our family, then he would sure as hell fix everyone else.

* * *

Hmm, was I the only one who fan fiction wouldn't log in last night?


	7. Esme

**Disclaimer: I'm serious, why do we put disclaimers? Someone tell me!**

**I've tried to update as soon as possible. I know it's short, but I want to show how little of a relationship Bella has with Esme. Thanks for all of your support, guys. By the way, I watched Thirteen yesterday. Fabulous, has definitely made it onto my favourite movies list. Nikki Reed is a fabulous actress, I've got a ton of faith in her playing Rosalie!**

* * *

I sat down in my father's study for an hour, not moving an inch from where I was sitting.

I fidgeted, though.

Vampires don't usually fidget.

We don't mind being still.

But something was wrong with me now. Because I was scared. And Bella Cullen didn't get scared. Bella Cullen of the Volturi didn't get scared. She was too strong for that, she made the strongest of vampires quake in their boots.

_Yet she couldn't defend herself last night._

I needed someone right now. I needed someone badly. I could go to my husband, or to my best friend, or to someone else, a complete stranger who would not have any idea of what I was talking about, but that was not what I needed right now.

I needed a parent.

And my family was so torn apart that I'd driven one out of the house, to go work non stop in the hospital. It didn't really matter if Mr Morrison was going into dole first, Dr Tabbing could have sorted that out! And Mr Morrison was on his death bed, anyway. He was 95!

And Esme...my mother...

Renee had passed away thirty years ago. Car crash, her and Phil. Drunk teenagers had swerved out into the road, she had swerved into a tree.

I didn't see her that much.

But it still hurt.

Charlie had died on a job ten years before Renee and Phil. He shouldn't have been working in Seattle. They didn't need that much help there. I tried to console myself in the fact that I had last seen him ten days before his death.

But I had lost them both before I knew them properly, so it wasn't any proper consolation.

"Bella?" Esme's voice was at the door. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed her there beforehand.

I rushed to the door and opened it. "Sorry, I was in here talking to Carlisle and then he left, and I guess I just lost track of time..."

"Don't worry Bella." Esme smiled at me. "I just couldn't understand why you were up here."

"Right." I sat back down and Esme came to join me.

"How are you Bella?"

"Hm...honestly? Or my PG-13 version?"

"Honestly."

"I feel like absolute crap. I have feelings that I shouldn't have...that I don't understand... And with everything happening with Alice, and this new power that's just around the corner...I feel fragile. I'm not used to feeling like this."

Esme put her arm around me hesitantly. "Bella, this is the crunch time, right now. How you deal with your problems define you as a person, and this is just a hurdle you have to jump over and leave behind you, so that you can coast along for a while then jump over the next one, the one that may be a little higher than this. What's got you worried? What feelings don't you understand?"

"I don't know if I should tell you," I murmured.

How would Esme feel, knowing that I was questioning the love of my husband, her first son? How would she feel if she knew that I was trying to deny the love I'd been feeling for her reclusive son – the one who was mourning over a human, and was in the process of divorcing her much loved (yet crazed) pixie-like daughter?

"You can tell me anything, Bella." My mother said comfortingly.

"It'll hurt you." I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right. Well, don't worry Bella. It'll all be fine, just give it some time."

"I have plenty of that," I laughed. She laughed and got up to leave.

"Wait!" I called, stopping her in the hallway.

I shrugged past her and joined her in the hallway. "How's the garden?"

"Alright, I guess." The corners of her lips turned down. "All this pollution is ruining my plants."

"I could help you plant some more?" I asked hopefully.

"Um..." I could see Esme planning over what she could say in her mind – as usual, she had forgotten that I could read her mind, and was thinking without any inclination to censor herself.

She wasn't _scared_ of me, she just didn't know how to _be_ around me. With Alice, she had to be incredibly careful, with Rosalie, she had to be complimenting, around Emmett she could be whatever she wanted, and the same with Edward and her husband. She would just be polite to Jasper, because his pain wasn't something she understood.

And so she would be polite to me.

"Um, Bella, I don't really feel like planting at the moment, honey."

_Ooh...should I have called her honey? Maybe she thinks I meant it in a degrading way..._

"I don't think you're being degrading, Esme."

_Oh good lord she can read my mind!_ She hit herself mentally for forgetting.

"Don't worry about it."

"Sorry, Bella. Shall we go downstairs to see the boys?"

I nodded. She couldn't be alone with me for too long. I understood.

I wanted to know...at what point did my mother stop being my mother? And why didn't I notice it? Why didn't I notice when we'd ceased spending time together?

I went back over the photo album of my memories.

We'd been so close, after I joined the Volturi. It seemed like Esme was worried that she would lose me to some terrible vampire with a grudge against my new brothers who would come and kill me when we least expected it, or when they were hunting, and as a result, she spent more time with me than ever. She always had something to say to me, she would spend time with me even when she had other errands to run; coming to visit Jasper with me after he'd closed himself off in his room...

Then I gained a few more powers and she stopped spending as much time with me...but I'd thought she was just worried about Alice. This was around the time that Alice had started behaving oddly, and everyone was worried about her. Was it that she was scared of me?

Or was it that by the time she'd left Alice alone in her insanity, that I'd modified so much that she did not know how to become my mother again? And I had been completely oblivious because I was playing with my new powers, partying and shopping with Rosalie, visiting Jasper and seducing Edward?

Maybe so.

And now she was scared of me, unsure of how to act around me...worried that I'll be out of control.

I danced downstairs after her.

* * *

_**This seems like a filler chapter because Bella's relationship with Esme has deteriorated so much. There wasn't enough material to go into this chapter because of it. I hope you liked it, anyway.**_

**_Please review._**


	8. Emmett

**Disclaimer: No one's told me properly! Of course, I've had a funny reasoning from ecaniaga, but seriously, why do why put disclaimers?**

**AN – Check out my FFF blog – there are two sneak peeks, one from Disturbia, and one from chapter 11. Enjoy! Oh, and as research for this chapter, I watched a number of grizzly bear attack videos on youtube! Fear me, roaaar! XD**

* * *

**Also, check out 'Blue Babes and Bad Boys Viva La College' by DiscoSarah, as I'm co authoring it with DiscoSarah! Come along and read!**

* * *

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Nikki (Angeliss); she's a fantastic mentor and an amazing friend.**

* * *

"Jelly Belly!" Emmett boomed as I flitted down the stairs.

Edward got up fluidly as though he was unaware of my presence and left the room at the same time as Esme. I was used to this – Edward and I rarely had time for each other.

Despite having forever.

"Grizzly!" I greeted him as I jumped over the back of the couch to sit next to him.

"How's it hanging Bells?" He asked, wrapping his muscular arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture – trying to multi task while playing Halo 63.

"I'm okay thanks big guy. How 'bout you?" I nestled in under his arm. I couldn't have a parent, but I could have a big brother.

"Thirsty, to tell you the truth. And no one wants to go hunting." He pouted.

"Where's Rosie? She could go with you!"

"She's with Alice." Emmett answered, his voice portraying his confusion.

"_Alice?"_ I asked, my eyebrows nearly hitting my hairline.

"Yes, Alice. She's making some sort of miraculous recovery, and needs Rosalie's help."

"Help for what?!" This didn't make sense to me. Alice had seemed far from sane, far from making a recovery, a day ago.

"She's finalizing the divorce from Jasper." Emmett said gravely, tightening his arm around me.

"Oh, right." I murmured. Alice must have seen something coming, to put her divorce into fast forward...

"And so, Jelly Belly, I am sitting here like a duck on an empty stomach."

Emmett was still in love with hunting grizzly bears. And, considering bears were the most populous wild animal in France, Emmett thought one minute not spent hunting them was a wasted moment – unless it involved Rosalie.

"I'll come with you, Em." I smiled. "It'll be good to get out of the house before I go insane."

He jumped up, dropping the touch pad and knocking over the console in his haste. "Why are we standing here, then? Let's go hunting!"

Emmett and I raced out of the house, heading for our favourite spot. We were close to the hills – it wasn't a long run.

"Get up in your tree then, spider monkey." Emmett reminded me. I clambered up into the tree, watching him from the top branch.

_Grizzly_, _oh yes!_ Emmett rejoiced.

There was a large cave nestled into the corner of the mountain, camouflaged by boulders and ferns. If we did not have such fantastic eyesight, then we would have passed by it.

Emmett stalked closer to the bear's hideout. The bear was sleeping – Emmett would wake it up. He knew that this would make it more irritable.

And according to him, there was nothing more appetizing than an irritable grizzly.

I closed my eyes, feeling the air rushing over my body in my concealed spot in the tree. I lay my head against the soft branch I was lying on. I could hear the vibrations of the solid wood as the thick branch swayed in the gentle breeze. I listened harder, hearing the scuttling of insects running up and down the branch. I imagined hearing the moss growing slowly, the leaves weakening as the fall drew closer. I wondered, if I laid here for decades, would I hear the wood ageing? As the tree bowed under the weight of its branches, and the leaves fell and renewed, would I hear it? Would I feel it? I closed my eyes tighter, focusing my hearing and hoping to hear some sign.

And then there was an ear splitting roar.

My eyes opened in a flash, darting around me, my body wound tightly, ready to spring.

Emmett was provoking the bear.

They circled one another for a few seconds, Emmett crouched down, ready to pounce. As they circled, they neared one another until they were almost nose to nose.

The bear swiped at Emmett, and I felt his surprise.

_Ooh, this one's feisty!_

I giggled from my position in the tree and my brother winked at me.

The bear recoiled as his claws met with stone. Emmett crept forward, the bear backing away, now, ready to launch himself at the attacker.

Emmett was too quick for him.

The bear launched himself at Emmett, and he launched himself over the top of the bear, sliding down his furry back.

The bear roared in frustration.

By this point, I was sitting up, watching the brawl with intent eyes and a wide smile. I was tempted to attack my own bear just for the fun of it.

Emmett jumped at the bear from behind, securing his razor sharp teeth into the fur, muscle and flesh of the bear's neck.

Blood.

The bear roared again, twisting and clawing, rearing up and trying to shake Emmett off. But he held fast.

And the bear was weakening as Emmett drank his blood greedily. I smiled beatifically, but knew it was a twisted form of my angelic self as it formed on my lips.

"_You will suck the life out of me_," I sang sweetly and quietly.

The bear roared its final roar before collapsing in Emmett's arms, letting him drain the bear fully.

I jumped down from the tree with agility, the floor coming up to meet me slowly.

"You do put on a show, Em." I laughed, raising my hand for a high five.

"It's all part of the package, lil' lady!" He chortled. "Now to clean this big boy up!" He eyed the bear.

"Allow me." I smiled. I focused my telekinesis powers and uprooted a large tree not too far from the cave.

"Dude, I love it when you do this freaky voodoo shit!" Emmett boomed at such a volume that I half expected the bear to revive.

But it didn't, and so I used my mind to lift the large weight and bury it under the tree's foundations. I planted the tree on top of the bear's grave, like a natural tombstone.

"I can sure put on a show, can't I?" I joked, running a hand through my windswept hair. I was sure I already looked like a model, but running my hand through my hair would add volume to it.

"You sure can!" Emmett agreed, laughing. "Race you back?"

"Oh, I'm _so_ gonna win this one!" I laughed, speeding off like a bullet from a gun.


	9. Coming

**Disclaimer: AGAIN, why do we put these disclaimers?**

**Author's note:** **T****he actual story begins next chapter. **

**I seem to have forgotten to tell EVERYONE what Disturbia is! Disturbia is a companion to the Deadly Sins series, and it explains Jacob's death and Bella's memory loss. I'll have that up once Bella regains her memory, promise! **

* * *

"Edward?" I whispered, rolling over onto my stomach, wrapping the sheets tighter around my bare body.

"Yes love?" His velvet voice didn't bring the same reactions in me as it used to, even if it was throaty and husky after we'd given ourselves to one another again.

"Will you tell me the truth?" I asked, hoping to trap him in his words.

"Of course, darling, I always do." He smiled crookedly.

"Why don't you want me to have that power?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling myself closer to him.

"Because...Oh, Bella, it'll sound stupid to you." He sounded so broken up that I couldn't believe I was hearing him react this way.

"No, I just want to know!" I reassured him, brushing a strand of his messy bronze hair out of his eyes.

"I'm worried that all these powers will overwhelm you...and I'll lose you forever," he sobbed, his body shuddering.

"Oh, darling, that won't happen!" I said, squeezing myself tighter to his body and feeling him pressing against my stomach.

"It might!" He started kissing me, harder each time as if to make sure I was still in his possession, over my cheeks, my eyelids, my nose, my lips, my neck, my collarbone...

* * *

"Do you have any intention of getting dressed, beautiful?" Edward asked, tracing my face with the tip of his finger.

"None whatsoever." I answered haughtily, rolling over and pressing my face into the soft pillow. I was aching all over.

"I'll be downstairs then," he stalked out of the room, his form fitting jeans giving me a fabulous view.

I got up out of bed, not bothering to cover myself up. I was accustomed to going without seeing Edward during the day, by now. We'd meet in the bedroom at night, spend some time together relieving any tension, and walk away in the morning again.

I replayed our conversation in my head.

"_Why were you with Jasper all night anyway?"_ Edward asked, removing his mouth from mine.

"_I wanted to talk to him..." _I tried not to concentrate on Jasper too hard, lest I picture him...

"_I waited here nearly all night, you know." _I was well aware.

"_I'm sorry." _I lied.

"_You'll pay for that,"_ he smiled devilishly, but I barely noticed.

I shuddered, running a hand through my ruffled hair. I couldn't be bothered to do much to myself today. I lined my eyes with some eye liner, smudged it quickly with my finger, and put some light blush on my cheeks.

Ah, early 21st Century chic.

I looked at the result.

I looked like a siren. Great!

I rifled through the large wardrobe that contained all of mine and Edward's clothes. Suddenly, I wanted to wear a man's shirt, with a short skirt. I was all for going back to 2008! Ah, when vintage was in...Now, everything had to be bang on trend. I could bring vintage back, right?

But, Edward didn't have any of the style I wanted.

I pouted.

I pulled a black pleated skirt on with a vest and skipped outside the door, sliding down the spiralling banister slowly. I hopped off once I got to the second floor.

"Hey Bella." Jasper smiled, striding towards me and the stairs.

"Oh, Hey Jasper!" I smiled, rushing forward to him. "Do you happen to have a shirt?"

"Well, only the one I'm wearing..." He joked. "You mean an early 21st century style, do you?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Exactly! How did you know?"

"I can tell when you're in an 'I'll bring vintage back' mood. Come on." He took me lightly by the hand, and we went into our room.

_His room_, I reminded myself.

"What colour do you want to wear darling?" He asked, tugging me playfully into his vast closet.

"Ah, the wonder of Alice." I smirked. I rifled through the racks, unable to find exactly what I wanted.

"No luck?" Jasper asked sadly.

I let my eyes rake across his features, his angular nose, the ochre of his eyes, his messy blond hair, his strong shoulders, his barely obscured chest, his shirt..

"Yes, luck." I sighed. "But you're wearing it."

It was just a plain, crisp, white shirt. And it was what would go best with my torn denim mini skirt.

Jasper had the shirt off before I could blink out of habit.

I let my eyes roam over his torso before I got myself in check and accepted his shirt thankfully, pulling my shirt off and tugging his over my head. I couldn't help inhaling Jasper's seductive scent. Jasper was fully clothed again once the soft material was covering my body, and I sighed, walking downstairs with him.

"Jelly Belly!" Emmett cried. "You look lovely today!" He complimented me as I sat down next to him, Jasper sitting by my side and grabbing the third console to Halo.

"Thanks Grizzly." I pulled my legs up to my chin. "Where's Rose?"

"Um..." _Oh, shit. _"She's with Alice." _Poor Bella. Rosalie's her best friend...it's got to be hard that she's spending all this time with Alice..._

I blocked him out. "Don't worry about it Em."

Edward got up from his seat beside Emmett, pausing to kiss me on the forehead before he walked out.

As his lips touched the soft hairs on my head, I heard him inhale. And felt him stiffen.

"You smell like Jasper." He said accusingly.

"Jasper's sitting right there, Edward." I laughed.

"No, _you_ smell like Jasper... all over you." I looked up at him confusedly, noting his darkening eyes. I couldn't smell Jasper's sweet scent on me at all...then I realised.

"Oh, it's the shirt." I informed him.

"That shirt?" Edward asked, looking for confirmation.

I nodded.

"Are you wearing Jasper's shirt?" He asked me stupidly.

"Yes, I'm wearing Jasper's shirt!" I answered back, giggling.

_You know it's going to happen, Edward_, I heard Alice call to him...

"Well why aren't you wearing mine?!" He ignored Alice totally, turning his dark eyes to mine.

"You didn't have one like I wanted." I explained.

"Oh right, okay..." He was trying to placate himself, and I felt Jasper sending a wave of calm at him. I did the same, doubling its effect. "I'm going to go hunting. Alice said Aro will be here, within the hour."

"Within the hour?" I repeated, but he was already gone.

Whatever Edward dreaded.

Whatever would kill him.

Whatever I would see.

Whatever would hurt me.

Whatever would kill me again.

Whatever would hurt Alice.

Whatever it was, it was coming.

* * *


	10. Zero Hour

**Disclaimer: I'm putting this here for legal reasons (finally, I know! Thank you Nikki) so here you go: I don't own the story or the characters, I only own the plot.**

**Author's Note: I wasn't going to upload this just yet, you know. But I got guilted into it... So, I hope you enjoy this.**

* * *

_**Zero Hour**_

They came as Alice said, within the hour. I heard their approach as I lounged on the couch, spending my last carefree moments with my Jasper and Emmett. As they reached the drive, I stood upwards, smoothed down my attire and positioned myself near the door, Emmett on one side, and Jasper on the other. Jasper clasped my hand for a fraction of a second, and in those brief millionths of a second, I felt something I would never feel again in my existence; something so pure and _real_ that I could not doubt its brightness, its sincerity.

"Bella my sweetling!" Aro cooed, floating through the open door and embracing me. "How are you, dear one?"

"Well, thank you. And yourself?" I smiled angelically, careful not to hold him too tight. He was oh, so paper thin.

"Very, _very_ well, dearest. I have a surprise for you!"

"_A surprise_?" I asked, a little baffled.

Not in all of my years as a Volturi Queen had Aro presented me with a surprise. A gift, surely. I had countless diamond necklaces, fur coats, silk dresses. But a surprise wasn't the usual way to present me with a gift.

"Yes, cara. A surprise. Antonio?"

A tanned vampire appeared in the doorway, wearing the Volturi's signature black cloak.

"Hello, Mistress Isabella," he greeted me with a kiss on my hand, his words spoken with a thick Italian accent.

"Hello, Antonio." I greeted him, smiling in welcome.

"Antonio's power is very potent, dear Bella. When someone tells him a lie – for instance, that they are not married, he immediately sees the truth of the situation, seeing the couple's wedding or something to that effect."

"Ah! A fabulous power, Antonio." I smiled.

"Which I will gladly share, Mistress Isabella." I smiled gratefully. His thoughts mirrored his words- he was kind hearted.

"Thank you, Antonio." I felt Edward wrap his arms around me, Jasper and Emmett having moved away. "Antonio, this is the love of my existence, Edward."

Antonio's eyes widened for a moment, then his face transformed back into a pleasant mask.

_Untrue._

"As she is mine," Edward smiled. "Very nice to meet you, Antonio."

_Untrue._

Antonio's eyes widened for a slight second; he frowned momentarily, then reached his hand out to Edward. "As it is you, sir."

"Bella, as for your surprise – you may want to absorb this power before I present it?" Aro stepped between us, recognizing the expression on Antonio's face that I did not.

I nodded. "Step forward if you please, Antonio."

Edward stepped away from me, returning to the line where my family were formed. Antonio stepped forward and I pressed a hand to each side of his face, pressing my forehead against his.

I felt the familiar, yet subtle tingle of a power passing into my arsenal.

"Thank you, Antonio." I released him.

"How do you know if it works, Mistress Bella?"

"Oh, it _always_ works." I smiled, reassuring him. "My surprise, brother?" I asked, turning to Aro expectantly.

"Flynn?" He called towards the open door.

_Flynn_? I wondered.

A tall blond man walked in through the door, smiling timidly.

"Isabella, this is Flynn." Aro smiled triumphantly.

"Hello Flynn," I smiled, reaching forward to embrace him.

Flynn's skin was pale, without the olive undertone that Antonio and other previously-dark skinned vampires had. His blond hair was a curly disarray – similar to Jasper's. His eyes were the usual red, though they were darker than Aro and Antonio's. His pupils bled into the deep red, a sign of thirst.

"Hello Bella." Flynn answered. I registered that he spoke with an English accent.

"Not from Italy?" I asked, confused.

"No, England." He corrected me.

"Ah, so Aro, this is my surprise? Another power?"

Aro smiled widely. "No, Bella. I am repaying my debt."

"Your debt?" I asked, confused.

"Your memory."

Edward hissed in frustration, but a wide smile spread on my face. "Really? You found someone!"

"That's what I'm here for." Flynn smiled.

"I'm getting my memory back?"

I'd been holding onto the same foolish hope for years, for decades, wishing that I could remember my past, wishing I knew for just one second what had lead me to who I was now. Aro had promised me so long ago, and while every time I so much as voiced my thoughts, he would assure me that it would all work out. That he would find someone to restore my memory. I held on to my hope, nursing it until it became my dream; the untouchable, the unattainable.

I would pay any price for it, I knew that. A billion dollars, a thousand years of servitude, anything.

And now I was getting my dream fulfilled.

"Yes, dearest. If you still want it." Strangely enough, I expected Aro to laugh and say 'actually, I was jesting', and pull each strand of hope from under my feet.

I nodded frantically. "Oh, I do, I do!"

"It'll hurt, Bella." Flynn warned me. "The same amount as your change."

_Untrue_, a voice whispered in my mind.

Suddenly, I saw myself writhing in pain, burning and screaming my lungs out, my limbs flailing uncontrollably and a guttural, feral cry bursting from my moist lips.

I shook my head. "I don't care. Please, anything. I'll give you anything you want."

"I don't want anything, Bella."

No image assaulted me, so I knew he was utterly truthful.

"Um, Flynn?" Alice's soft voice was shy as she stepped forward. I had not realised she had joined us; the entire family was present. Alice seemed to be in an agreeable state of mind today, and I smiled at her as she came to stand next to me. "I was wondering if maybe you could do the same for me...if it's not too much trouble."

"Of course I can..."

"Alice." She supplied shyly.

"I'd be much obliged, Miss Alice."

_She's beautiful._ He whispered to himself.

Alice beamed up at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her tiny fingers reached for mine, and she squeezed my hand tightly. _I'm so sorry, Bella_. She murmured mentally. _I've done as much as I can for you – I hope it'll be enough._

I turned to her for a second, confused.

_You'll find out soon enough. _

"Do you want to begin now?" Flynn asked cautiously, unaware of our confusing exchange.

"I'd be glad to," I smiled, trying to keep my composure; no matter how much I felt like I should bounce in joy, I shouldn't.

Alice wasn't nearly so self disciplined; she bounced excitedly, though her thoughts were solemn.

"I cannot say how pleased I am, my Bella." Aro smiled, the film over his eyes looking as though it were ready to dissipate and leave sparkling human eyes, tears glistening in them. "I have so longed to give you what you want, what you've _always_ wanted. I pray you shall stay with your brothers once your memory is regained?"

I nodded.

"That is such a relief to me. I was vexed, knowing that my heart desired to give you yourself back, and yet I did not want to lose you."

"Neither do I." Edward growled from his place in line.

"Err," Flynn interrupted. "Can we get started please?"

"Can I settle myself first?" Alice murmured, her bouncing stopping abruptly.

"Of course, Miss Alice." He smiled, utterly at ease. "And you, Bella."

I decided to follow Alice's lead.

Alice stepped away from me, letting go of my hand. She walked first to Carlisle and Esme, who stood together at the end of the line, and she clasped both their hands. Esme smiled bravely, but once Alice let go of her hand, she let out a sob, pressing her face to Carlisle's shoulder as he tried to console her.

Alice walked next to Jasper, standing up on her tiptoes and kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Be happy." She murmured to him, before going on to extend gestures to the rest of the family.

I had wanted so desperately to follow Alice's fashion, but I could not. There were many vampires in the room, but only one's topaz eyes held my attention.

Jasper.

I rushed at him, and he opened his arms. I launched myself at him, and he had to brace himself not to topple over under my strength. He knew much about newborns – their strength and habits - with his scarred skin and wisdomous mind, but I was no average vampire, even if my strength was that of a newborn's.

I held on tightly to him as he whispered in my ear, just yearning to crane my neck up and kiss him; all the while knowing that no matter how much I willed it, I could not even brush his lips against mine

"Bella, it'll all be alright. Once this is over, I will be here. I have always been here. I'll _always_ be here." He murmured the last three words with so much conviction, yet in such a low voice that I almost missed it. "I _love_ you."

I put my index finger to his marred arm, and wrote 'I love you too' on it, knowing he would feel the words being traced upon his granite skin.

He smiled as I walked away.

I kissed Edward, I hugged Rosalie and Emmett, I smiled at my parents, I held Alice's hand, I agreed that Flynn should begin...all the while thinking of Jasper.

But then the pain started, and I could think of nothing else.


	11. Broken

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Author's note: Just a painfully short pain chapter. Oh, and when Bella hears 'bella' being said, she is unaware that it is her name. She thinks they mean beautiful.  
**

* * *

The pain wrenching through my body was unbelievable. It was like death repeated a thousand times.

My eyes flickered open again, to bright lights, to darkness... it hurt too much. I held my eyes tightly shut, my hands forming claws, swiping at the air above me.

"PLEASE!" I choked on my scream "STOP IT! JUST KILL ME!"

Why were they hurting me?

Who were these people?

Why why they hurting me?

Why, oh, oh, why, wouldn't they stop?

"Oh, bella, bella..." A voice sobbed at my ear.

I was not beautiful right now. I wished to die. A beautiful disaster...

"_PLEASE!"_ I screamed, my back arching to the point where I was sure it would break, leaving me in half like a pathetic twig on the floor.

A twig that was on fire.

I flailed my limbs, power ebbing through my hands as they contorted in pain...

To claw my skin away would be relief.

I begged again, sobbing. "Oh, please. Just stop it, just..._**AARGH**_!"

My pleas broke off into a blood-curdling scream.

"I'm so sorry, bella." Someone sobbed into my ear.

"You don't know _pain!_" I contradicted. "PLEASE, STOP IT!"

The pain of a thousand knives raking across my skin, my hair being torn from my scalp, my eyes being gouged out...

All at once.

And the pain in my head...

Oh,_ please_.

Stop the pain.

All I wanted was to scream, to die, to stop this...

and yet I wanted to sob my heart out too, in repentance, in apology.

Just to have something, to have someone to stop this hell.

"_PLEASE!_" I screamed, my voice breaking as it reached the highest pitch I could ever touch.

"Please," I whimpered. "Please..."

My screams echoed throughout wherever I lay, and over the resounding cacophony, the fire, another's sobbing, my sobbing, my screams...a soft, comforting voice whispered in my ear.

"_I'm here, and it'll all be over soon."_


	12. Silent Moments

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**I guess this is a very complicated chapter. Italics are memories, unless it's only one word in an otherwise normal sentence – I.E. This _wasn't_ real. I really hope you guys understand this, its meaning. **

* * *

_Bella, I feel exactly what you feel. And I want to do exactly what you want to do._

This wasn't real.

_Bella, I think Jasper is in love with you._

I must be dreaming.

_So, here's the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone._

It was like a terrible, terrible nightmare.

_You and Jasper have cheated on Alice and Edward. Jasper will be out of my life forever, as will you. I _will_ miss you, a little. As will Edward and Alice. But then they'll get over it, and find each other. We'll be a happy family. Controlled and beautiful. No dangers, no liabilities. No jealousy. _

This wasn't right.

_I object._

This had to be a dream

_It's something I'd say I could never forgive you for._

No, this couldn't be real.

_I don't feel guilty for falling in love with you._

It felt real.

_I think it's my turn now, don't you?_

Yet I refused to believe this.

_Jasper wasn't manipulating me! He would never do that, he would never- _

I heard myself sob mentally, no sound passing my lips.

_I can't spend every single day of forever with you when every time I see you, I fall a little more in love with you..._

Why was this happening?

_JACOB! NO! Not my Jacob, _not my Jacob_!_

This couldn't be...

_I don't know my name. Everyone's been calling me Bella, but I don't remember it. I don't remember anything._

I remembered this, but I didn't at the same time.

_If it's any consolation, when I saw her in that memory, I could tell she really loved you._

It felt like I'd had two lives...

_Say yes, join the Volturi and you can have everything you want._

And I was reliving them both...

_I was back in it, that terrible dark...What happened, Edward?_

And they were becoming one...

_One day, you'll remember. And you'll stop hurting so much. Things will get better, one day. _

"Bella?" Edward...

_They will get better. But you'll cause damage, Isabella Cullen. A lot of damage, in the mean time._

"Leave her, she'll wake in her own time."

_You two got over everything that's been thrown at you because you lost your memory. Me and Jasper... we kind of still have that lil' ol' thing called memory._

"It's been three days!" Edward...

_Why didn't you tell me I loved Jacob?! _

My Jacob...

_I wanted a clean slate, Alice! You deprived her of that! A chance to start all over! And she's fucking __lost it! All because of your jealous_y!

"The same as her transformation. I told you that, Edward."

_Do you know how hard it's been without you, Bella?_

"You should move away from her, Edward." Jasper. My Jasper.

_Bella...Jacob died. _

No. Jacob was _murdered_.

_We don't know, Bella. _

Edward _lied_ to me.

_Don't fret. I've lost, yes. But so have you. And you continue to lose. It's not in the same form, but it's still not fair. Nothing in afterlife is._

Rosalie!

_Maybe I could be your best friend?_

She was my best friend but...it couldn't be. She wanted to kill me.

_Do you realise how much danger you put Bella in by not telling us, Edward?_

When my lives began bleeding into each other...

_Oh, il mio cara! That does not sound healthy at all! I extend my greatest condolences – hopefully you will be healthier in time for your next visit?_

"I don't _want _to move away, Jasper." Edward. Growling.

_I thought it would look good on there. It doesn't open anything. _

"You've inflicted enough pain on her, Edward." Jasper...

_She looks almost human. Edward will love it._

I wanted to tell them to _shut up_, but my the movie of my life was not over yet.

_Nothing compares to you in that outfit...Apart from you out of it._

"And you haven't?"

_He wanted pictures of you waving your hands in the air in your wedding dress so he can put them in his 'Funny Photos of Bella' Album._

"You lied to her, Edward. Numerous times."

_Put some kind of an effort in, Jasper. Can you wrap your arms around her?_

"Stop it, you two. It's not helping Bella." Rosalie. Upset.

_She stole him then killed him. And I'm the one holding the corpse._

"She's going to be so confused. Oh, _my_ Bella." _My _Jasper.

_You'll see absolutely nothing, beautiful. You can have the power._

"She's not your Bella, Jasper!" Crashing.

_You'll get your memory back. We know that you get overwhelmed now and again, and that you get your memory back at those points; something will happen. You will get your memory back. _

"Stop fighting! It's not going to help _our_ Bella!"

_Look, you silly, beautiful, over-sensitive woman, you're not a terrible person! You're so utterly amazing that I swear you must be of more than divine creation; but we all have our flaws. And you have some too, that's just the way it is._

"How's Alice?"

_The darkness you will see, Isabella, the pain you will feel...the deaths that you've caused will be avenged...and you'll hurt me one last time. _

"She's taken to it better than Bella has. Darkness doesn't constitute for much." My father.

_And remember this, Isabella Cullen. I will forgive you. I will forgive you for it. But he won't. You'll kill him. _

"It seems that Flynn's very taken to her." Aro...?

_You're my best friend. I've got you and Emmett, and you both make my world. Everything else can crumble as long as I've got you two that I can count on. But if everything else crumbles, it'll take you two down with it. I won't let that happen._

Rosalie was my friend now. It felt like it.

_I've been watching you for a while, on the Masters' orders. I must say, your family really is quite intriguing. _

"I am sorry, Isabella. For what you are going through." Aro, my brother...

_And now you've ruined that for your family, O, Queen of the Vampires._

"Can she hear you?!"

_But one day, Volterra shall fall._ _And you with it._

"It has been two days. On the third day, the memories begin. She can hear you."

_I'm not going to kill you, I promise. Look, honey, I know you're overwhelmed now, but just calm down. It'll all be okay. _

"Bella? Bella, can you hear me? Can you say something?"

_You never let anything phase you, do you?_

"She cannot say a word, Edward."

_I'm tougher than that._

"Oh. I love you Bella. I'm sorry."

He was _sorry_? He was _sorry!?_ I didn't give a shit if he was sorry! You lied, Edward! I screamed at him through the medium of my protected thoughts.

_Oh sorry Bella, Morrison's going into dole first. Can we continue this another time?_

What had happened to my family? What had happened to the family who put each other first, to the family that was unbreakable, the family that was always together?

_Bella, this is the crunch time, right now. How you deal with your problems define you as a person, and this is just a hurdle you have to jump over and leave behind you, so that you can coast along for a while then jump over the next one, the one that may be a little higher than this. What's got you worried? What feelings don't you understand?_

"I love you more than anything, Bella. You're my only one." _Untrue, _a voice spoke over the memories that were flitting through my mind. They did not show me a picture, but they spoke one word. _Tanya._

_Maybe she thinks I meant it in a degrading way..._

Edward?

_Yes, Alice. She's making some sort of miraculous recovery, and needs Rosalie's help._

Edward and Tanya?

_Get up in your tree then, spider monkey._

No. No, that couldn't be true...

_I can sure put on a show, can't I?_

My Edward? No, no, NO!

Why now? Why did my mouth have to be sealed shut, my stupid limbs immobilized? Why now, when I wanted to claw, bite, _tear_ myself limb from limb...

_Will you tell me the truth?_

When I wanted to tear Edward limb from limb.

_Of course, darling, I always do._

I could see now, as my memories flickered relentlessly behind my eyes, when Edward was lying. And he lied consistently.

_I'm worried that all these powers will overwhelm you...and I'll lose you forever._

The pain was too much; I yearned for a physical outlet. Just a murmur, a low whisper, a word, a shout, a scream...

_No, _you_ smell like Jasper... all over you._

I tried to wrench my mouth open.

_Antonio, this is the love of my existence, Edward._

I tried to writhe in my torments, my emotional pain.

_I am repaying my debt._

But I could not, this wretched movie playing behind my eyes, screaming in my ears, when all I wanted to do was scream myself.

_I'm getting my memory back?_

Yet I could not even grit my teeth.

_I don't care. Please, anything. I'll give you anything you want._

I had lost my memory.

_I'm so sorry, Bella_. _I've done as much as I can for you – I hope it'll be enough._

I was regaining it.

_I cannot say how pleased I am, my Bella._ _I have so longed to give you what you want, what you've always wanted. I pray you shall stay with your brothers once your memory is regained? _

How could I have agreed to this...this _painful_ experience that was hurting me even more emotionally than it would have mentally and physically?

_That is such a relief to me. I was vexed, knowing that my heart desired to give __you yourself back, and yet I did not want to lose you._

I knew everything, now.

_Neither do I._

How could I have not seen my past in my future's actions? When I was living both, I surely should have seen that these paths, past and future, were inevitable. I had walked one – this should be obvious while on the current path where I stopped for a drink – that lead me to where I was. I would walk one in future, I should have seen this myself while on the path of the past.

_Be happy._

I remembered the jealousy writhing up in me at their lips touching, knowing that no matter how much I willed it, I could not even brush his lips against mine.

_Bella, it'll all be alright. Once this is over, I will be here. I have always been here. I'll always be here._

I remembered Jasper's words, the conviction with which he said them, the way I was almost sure my heart was beating again...his voice melted my soul.

_I _love_ you._

"I love you, Bella. I'm _here._ It's always going to be you. You're my only one." I heard Jasper murmur over my memories' final stand, his words ringing in my ears along with his presently spoken ones.

I gasped, air filling my lungs and my eyes opening to a whole new world.

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Disturbia's first chapter is now up!


	13. Flames

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Author's note: The much awaited 'wake up' chapter. Please listen to 'October' by Evanescence until there is a break in the page.**

**READ THE LAST CHAPTER OF DISTURBIA BEFORE YOU READ THIS!  
**

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His radiance blinded me, the feelings that amounted in my chest, in my head, in my stomach – a stampede of butterflies, a hurricane, a hollow ache.

"Bella?" His voice was like a chorus of bells.

"Jasper." I sighed. Oh, how I'd missed him, even though I had only seen him moments ago in my mind.

"Bella!" He exclaimed, holding my hands and pulling me up.

"Jasper," I breathed, looking at him with new eyes, my memory fresh from the effect Flynn's power had had on me.

"Bella?" His voice was hesitant, unsure...

"Yes?"

"Do you know, now?" Jasper didn't know if it had worked.

"I know," I murmured, flinging my arms around him. I held him tighter than I could ever have thought possible. Even though I had lived as a vampire for so long, I was not used to remembering how Jasper felt warm, he had always felt cold and hard, and how weak I was...

"Everything I've done, I've done for you." He murmured, holding me tight. "I've missed you so much. It hasn't been the same, not being able to hold you like this...not being able to kiss you..."

"Like this?" I murmured, pulling away from his sweet-smelling shoulder to lean in to him, brush my nose against his softly and lower his lips to mine...

"Bella."

_Edward..._

"Edward."

_Edward_, I repeated in my head. My mind was still whirling, wanting to continue the kiss that had not even happened yet... _Edward..._

_--_

**Edward.**

I pulled away from Jasper.

"How are you love?" Edward asked, pulling me lightly from Jasper's embrace.

"Get. Off. Me." I growled.

"What?" He asked, shocked. I noted who was around me – Rosalie and Emmett, eyes trained on me. Esme and Carlisle, holding each other tightly, Esme softly sobbing. Aro, his face an unemotional mask, not unlike his other brother's who was still in Volterra.

"'_My only one_,'" I quoted. "'_I prefer brunettes.'" _

Edward visibly paled – how that was possible for a vampire, I did not know.

"'_You are the only one who has ever touched my heart.' _But I'm not the only one to ever touch your dick, am I Edward?" I seethed.

"What, Bella? I have no idea what you mean, Angel!"

_Untrue_.

"You know I still have the ability to recognize lies? One word: Tanya."

"That...She...When...I...That was before you Bella! It meant nothing to me!"

_Untrue._

"_Eddie, I love you," Tanya sighed, her naked body entangled with my husband's._

"_And I you, Angel..." Edward murmured, sucking at her neck like the vampire he was._

The time was set.

"_Our kind are very easily distracted..." _

That hit me hard.

"Oh, of course," I said sarcastically. "How could you do this Edward?"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I've never lied before, this was just to keep you safe..."

_Untrue._

"And _Jacob._" I hissed. "My Jacob. You didn't know how he died? How did it feel, when his body was torn apart by your hands, Edward?"

"He was trying to suck the venom back out, Bella! You know that's why you lost your memory?"

"Of course I know. I know everything now! How _could_ you?"

"I was just trying to keep you safe, Angel! I did all of this for you, so I could keep you safe, so I could keep you with me!"

"Who the _HELL_ are you, Edward? I _hate_ you!" Anger bubbled in my veins, making me speak words that I did not really mean.

"But Bella, you're my everything, I love-"

"No, Edward. I don't care what you think! I never want to hear your voice again, you lying, cheating, murdering _monster!"_

His eyes sparkled.

"I _am_ a monster. I'm sorry for that, Bella. I can't change what I've done to you! I love you more than life itself, that's why I went to Tanya! As a distraction! She meant _nothing_ to me!"

"You and your fucking distractions! Very easily distracted by _stupid strawberry blondes!_" I sobbed.

I noted that the furniture was hovering, lamps swirling around on their hovering tables. Stupid uncontrollable telekinesis.

"Bella, I never meant it, I never did!"

I screamed, my bell like tones - that I was sure I'd never really get used to – smashing the windows. Esme gasped.

"And you said you _couldn't forgive me_ for falling in love with Jasper! And all that time you'd been putting your stupid sparkling appendage into that Tanya! OF ALL PEOPLE!" I was trying hard to censor myself, but it was getting to be impossible. I was so angry.

_So hurt._

A familiar hole in my chest began to ripple, the same one that I had thought was gone forever.

"Well at least I didn't sleep with Alice!" He shouted back. "How could you do that to _me_? To _Alice? To our family?" _Edward ran out into the woods behind the house, not wanting to break anything else in the house. I followed, aware in my current state that I was dangerous and out of control, and I needed to try and keep myself away from our family.

Jasper, Emmett and Aro followed.

"How dare you turn this around on me?!" I shrieked. "After everything you've done? For _fourty years_ you've lied to me, Edward!"

"Only to keep you safe!" He retorted.

"Oh yes, because I'm an indestructible, ultimately powerful Queen Vampire who is likely to fall down a flight of stairs!" I said sarcastically. My eyes were practically shooting beams of fire, and I hoped my manipulation of the elements would not get out of hand.

"It's you, of course it's likely!" He insulted me.

I felt a fire erupt in my heart. I stepped closer to him, my eyes narrowed, my hands in claws.

"How can you insult me further, after everything you've done?" I whispered venomously.

"It was only a statement of pure fact, Bella." Edward turned from me, starting to walk away, before the fire that was attacking the trees launched itself at him.

"You said you'd never leave me again, was that a lie too?" I asked quietly, my heart breaking audibly – to me.

"I won't stay with you, Bella. Not when you love him. Not when you're trying to offload all of the blame on me when I have done nothing but love you."

"_No!_" I cried, my voice hoarse. "You will not blame me for this! You slept with Tanya! You killed Jacob! You've lied and cheated since we've been married! And you blame me!"

"You love him, don't you?" Edward half turned back towards me, his eyes smouldering.

"Yes. I do. And he's more than you could ever be." I said truthfully.

Edward let out a choked, strangled half sob. "Then this is goodbye. I won't say I don't want you, Bella Cullen. And it won't be like I never existed. You're my _wife. _And I will come back for you. You're _mine."_

He disappeared into the trees, and I collapsed to the ground among the burnt trees, my fire launching fifty feet higher into the sky.


	14. Superglue

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE- As per usual, _Tamza _has sent me a song that'll go perfectly with this chapter. Broken – Seether ft Amy Lee is absolutely perfect for this chapter, in my opinion. I hope you enjoy! **

**Also, I've put up a new poll, please go and vote if you have the time - Which song from the list should be Luxuria's song?**

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_**Broken**_

The flames stopped before they engulfed me.

I lay on the floor, sobbing. Nothing had sunk in yet.

But it was when I realized that Emmett had carried me back into the house that it sunk in.

Edward had left me.

Edward had left me.

Edward had left me.

"Bella, honey, are you alright?" Esme asked, rubbing my shoulder as Emmett put me down on the couch.

_Edward was gone._

"No! How could he do this to me?" I stood up, sobbing and screaming and throwing everything that my flailing limbs came into contact with. "He promised me! He promised that he would never leave again!" I threw a lamp across the room, and the force of my throw sent me spinning. I collapsed back onto the floor in a tangled heap, as the lamp smashed through the window. "How could he do this to me? He promised to love me! He lied! Tanya? _Why her? _He promised…" I trailed off and sobbed, mumbling incoherently. The words were incoherent in my mind, too, as I tried to make sense of this pain.

I could not reconcile the two emotions – how much I despised Edward for lying to me for so long, and yet how much I loved him still...I didn't hate him...but I didn't love him either! Why did I care?! Why was I hurting so badly that he had made love to Tanya, had lied to my face, had based our relationship on one big lie? Why?

"It's okay Bella," Jasper's strong arms wrapped around me. "I'm here. I'm here, I've got you, I've got you. It's okay. You're safe."

I sobbed into his arms, venom running down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"There's no need to be sorry, beautiful." Jasper murmured into my hair as I shook.

"It'll all be fine Bella honey," Rose whispered, rubbing my back.

"Rosalie?" I murmured, knowing that she was my best friend and yet hated me at the same time.

"Yes honey?" She spoke softly, as if I were a child.

"Why?" She knew what I meant, I was sure.

"Oh, Bella. I never meant to be so cruel. I guess, I wanted what you had so badly...I didn't know how to deal with it. And you just seemed to get more than you wanted, every minute of the day you had more and more, and I just couldn't deal with that. And then you lost everything and I could see past all the old trivia. I'm so, so, sorry."

"It's okay, Rose." I whispered. "It's okay. I've done worse." _So, so much worse._

"_You mean so much to me," _She whispered, going to sit with Emmett again.

"Is she alright?" A familiar voice that sounded like bells asked, from the direction of the stairs.

"Alice!" I gasped.

She gave me a weak smile. She was tucked under Flynn's arm, hanging on to his torso in a similar way to what I was with Jasper.

I jumped back, feeling terrible.

"You are aware that Jasper and I are divorced, Bella?" She smiled weakly.

I nodded, but it still felt inappropriate while she was in the room. "I'm so sorry, Alice."

Flynn came down the stairs with her, holding her tightly and supporting most of her body weight.

"No need to be sorry, Bella. We've been over this once. I forgive you."

"Bu-but...You're crazy!" I blurted out.

Alice laughed. "Bella, you won't understand even if I explain to you. But I promise I will, someday."

Flynn kissed the top of her head. "How are you, Bella?"

I pressed my lips together. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I know you asked me to, but I feel terrible. I always do."

"You shouldn't." I gasped. "I got what I wanted. I just didn't know that I would be better off without it."

"Bella." Aro addressed me for the first time. "I am sorry that my gift was not wanted in the long run. But I hope you will excuse this and continue to hold no resentment against I or my brothers."

"Of course not, Aro."

"Then I will take my leave, young Bella. I hope you learn to accept your memories again."

And with that, he left.

"Um, I know this isn't a very good time," Alice began, "but I've decided I'm going to leave, too."

"Leave?" I gasped. Jasper placed a finger to my lips, shushing me.

"Not forever," she sighed. "But Flynn and I need to be alone, together, now. I know what I've found in him, and I hope you can accept that. I need to repair."

"Of course, Alice." I murmured with Esme. "I hope you'll be happy together."

She smiled; a smile from a different time. Not the twisted smile, or hesitant smile I'd come to know, but Bella Swan's Alice's smile. It made me happy. "I'll see you again. Goodbye, everyone."

"Your suitcase is in the car, Alice." Jasper smiled. "I love you."

She smiled back at him. "And I you, brother."

It was the first step towards happiness, towards acceptance, and I was glad to see her taking it.

Alice and Flynn left without a second glance, Esme and Carlisle already in their room – Esme sobbing into his chest.

Rosalie and Emmett slowly retreated to their rooms, until it was just Jasper and I, lying together on the couch, me burning holes in his shirt with my venom-tears.

"Tell me what it was like for you." I asked him, most of his chest bare thanks to my cotton-eating venom-tears.

"Being without you?" He asked, playing with my hair.

"Yes."

"It was...beyond words. I had to sit next to you, sometimes hold you close like this, and pretend I didn't feel anything for you other than a brother, or a friend, so that I didn't ruin your life..."

"You wouldn't have ruined it, Jazzy." I cried, squeezing his free hand.

"At the beginning, Alice was still hurting, and she was quite vengeful. Edward was very protective, and I had to pretend that my feelings for you had gone. I altered your face in my mind so that you wouldn't recognize your human self, and then I was free to think of you at will. It annoyed Edward to no end, how I would imagine you on our last day together."

I sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. It was worth it all. I'd go through it all again, just to be like this with you. To lay here forever."

"As would I. The best thing is, we can do that. We don't have to move again."

"Technically, you're right. But I don't have a clear view of you here. I'd be content just to look at you forever, if you wouldn't mind that."

"Not in the least." I giggled, pressing my lips to his chest.

"Was it bad for you?" Jasper whispered, now solemn.

"It was...complicated. I was two persons, I've had two experiences."

"We have forever. Tell me. Well, if you want to."

"I do want to tell you. You'll have to pay attention, I'm not sure if I can explain it right. I've been trying not to think of it."

He nodded, and I began.

"It was like I was two people...I'll call one Bella, and the other Marie. Bella was the girl before her change, knowing all about you and her, about her past, everything. Marie was the one who knew everything after the change.

"The last thing Bella remembers is when she was in the car with Rosalie. And Bella thought that Rosalie still wanted to kill her, because she still thought she was human, even though she had witnessed Jacob's death during the time of her change. But, it wasn't like Bella was trapped in Marie's body, watching and being unable to make herself known; Bella just sat in darkness for all the while Marie dominated, so time passed, lurching like a TV show, from one incident to another in a different place and time, just like switching from one scene to another in a movie."

Jasper was silent. "Are you following?" I asked.

He nodded. "I'm trying to imagine what it was like for you."

I continued. "Marie was the dominant consciousness, the one who agreed to the Volturi's rule, who thought herself very ill – she was blacking out and seemingly regaining and losing her memory in the same times. She had no idea of what happened while she blacked out, she was unconscious. It worried her that this was happening, and as time progressed, she found herself getting more unlike herself than she had ever been. It worried her, but pleased her too.

"She could not see the family deteriorating at that point, she only acknowledged that her sister – who had never really liked Marie, in her opinion, anyway – was a crazy recluse, and her brother – who she was reluctant to see because she was starting to develop feelings for him – was also a recluse, but also her confidante, the one who she wished was her husband."

I imagined myself blushing at that point, and hid my head in Jasper's chest.

"It seems we were meant to be in both lives, then." He murmured thoughtfully. "Please continue."

"Marie explained how she felt to you a lot, so you know of her worries and emotions." Jasper nodded. "And now, Bella and Marie have...merged together, their lives fitting together like a puzzle that had previously not made sense...and one that still shouldn't make sense, I think. I don't understand how I didn't see, with my tell-tale feelings for you, that we had had something previously. I don't like thinking about it, because accepting that both lives were real is hard to do. It's hard to attach them."

"You'll have to, sometime, love."

"I'd rather not." I whimpered. "As long as I focus on the present, and just try and forget about the past, then I will be okay. And I will only visit either past fleetingly, without any regard for the other."

"I don't think that'll be very healthy for you, darling."

"Maybe so, but I do not wish to accept these paths. It may be more beneficial in the long run, but the pain of accepting both in the short term would be very painful, almost traumatizing."

"I don't want you to push away what we had." Jasper murmured.

"Of course I won't. But I intend to make a new past, if you understand me – what we've been talking about for the past few hours is now in the past, and these will be the my memories, the ones I leaf over and over in my head."

"But-" he protested, but I refused to hear it and cut him off.

"I just don't think I'm strong enough to do that, Jasper." I murmured.

"It's okay, Bella. The worst is over, it'll get better." He murmured, kissing my head.

"I know that." I whispered. "At least, I hope so – what about the Romanians?"

"Empty threat. There are only two of them!"

"That...servant could be watching us right now..." I whispered, looking about me.

"Don't be silly," Jasper chuckled. "You're psyching yourself out, beautiful."

"It feels so good to be like this with you again." I murmured.

"I couldn't agree more. You have no idea how long I've wanted this."

"Umm...forty years or so?" I joked.

"If I'd known it was you I was looking for in the first place, then I'd say I've wanted this forever." He chuckled. "But roughly, yes, forty years or so!"

"Considering you've wanted this for so long..." I changed my tactic. "What exactly is it that you've wanted for so long?"

"I've wanted to be able to hold you like this, talk to you like this, be able to tell you that I love you..."

"I love you too." I interrupted.

"I wasn't finished!" He scolded me jokingly, pressing a finger to my lips. "And I want to be able to kiss you without caring if anyone is watching..."

I turned so that my stomach was flat against his.

"Like this?"

I pressed his lips to mine, and I finally knew what I'd been missing.

I was complete.


	15. Bubbles

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I've put up a new poll, please go and vote if you have the time - Which song from the list should be Luxuria's song?**

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**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Tamza, who always reviews and always sends me a bunch of great songs to match the chapters and stories! **

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**On another note, I'm hoping you're reading this, Safran-Jasmin! I'd like to thank you so much for your review, and your English wasn't bad at all! Someone's translated Luxuria?! REALLY?! Do you mind sending me the link, I'd love to go and take a look!  
**

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The house was quiet for the next few weeks. None of us could accept the fact that Alice and Edward were gone.

My relationship with Jasper seemed to fall into place easily, and for the first week or so, we just lay together in his– _our_ bed, talking and touching. When I really stopped to consider how my being with Jasper had suddenly happened, I wondered if it was too quick.

Like,_ mine-and-Edward's-relationship_ kind of quick.

I was tentative.

It felt right to be in Jasper's arms, to have him kissing me and talking to me about everything, to have him know everything.

But I did not want to rush this.

"Is there anything else you want to ask?" Jasper asked, nuzzling my neck.

"Why was Alice on the stairs? That night? When I was going out with Rosalie?"

"Oh," I sensed his reluctance to answer me, and I turned around in his arms.

"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay." I said, opening my eyes a little wider. I could easily convince him to tell me.

I mentally slapped myself.

Why was I so utterly manipulative? I'd had a traumatic experience that I wanted to put behind me, but I was hoping it would have at least changed me a little.

Yet, here I was, in bed with Jasper, the love of my life, and I was trying to manipulate him into telling me something that he obviously did not wish to tell me.

"Don't feel like that," he murmured, his cold breath on my neck. "Why do you feel guilty?"

"I was going to manipulate you into telling me..." I murmured. "I'm a terrible person."

"Don't be silly," he sighed. "Most couples manipulate each other all the time."

"Yes, but it matters because I was doing it seriously..." I swallowed noisily. "I thought I wouldn't be like this any more..."

Jasper pressed his lips against mine, hard. "Don't. Of course you're not going to change instantly. There's a significant amount of trauma still bubbling around in that beautiful head of yours," he pulled at one of my locks gently, "and it's going to take a while for things to even out. Give it time."

I sighed, and nodded.

"Alice was waiting on the stairs so that she could continue our conversation." Jasper said, matter of factly. "The conversation was about you."

"Me?"

"Alice had seen you and I together. She wanted to make things better. We finalized the divorce. She told me about Flynn. Told me about the memories. Told me she was going to leave. Told me what would happen in the future."

It was confusing, being able to hear every word Jasper was saying. The left over part of my human brain was saying _What? Slow down!_

And yet, the dominant part of my brain – vampire – understood every word perfectly, and was analysing it while the snail like human became flustered and tried to absorb the words slowly.

"She knew about Flynn? The future? What's going to happen?" I asked frantically, my brain working in a warped way. It was like the front of my brain was working at top speed, and the back was at minimum. I blinked, hoping to clear my head.

"Yes, she knew about Flynn. And the future is bright, for now. Alice will be back, one day."

"Can't you tell me more?" I asked whiningly, sticking my bottom lip out.

"You know I can't resist you when you do that," Jasper chided, taking my bottom lip between his. I shuddered, and he let go.

"Alice said I can't tell you. Please don't make me." He whispered, and there was so much pain, so much pleading saturating his velvet voice that I could not help but scream at myself to abide to his wishes.

"Of course I won't." I smiled, knowing my face was utterly earnest.

"She said you'd say that." Jasper teased.

I laughed. "I love you."

"She said you'd say that, too..." He said nonchalantly.

"No, the right answer is 'I love you too!'" I joked, smiling a half smile at him.

"I love you more than words can ever say," he whispered, his golden eyes smouldering.

"I'd give that an A Grade..." I laughed, pressing my lips to his.

I wondered why I did not get jealous when Jasper was speaking about his ex-wife, and my old best friend. He had slept with her, he had touched her like he'd touched me, he had loved her, before I came along...

"But I love _you_ now," he reminded me.

"Can you read my mind?!" I gasped, incredulous.

He chuckled lightly, pulling me closer to him until I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. "No, you were voicing your thoughts."

"Oh," I murmured, blushing.

_God-damn it Bella, you don't blush any more!_ I reminded myself.

Jasper gave me a sympathetic half smile, like he could hear what I was thinking. But he was probably reacting to my embarrassed expression.

Jasper traced the circles under my eyes lightly. "You need to hunt."

"I do not!" I retorted.

I begged myself mentally not to show my weakness. I was not hungry. I was not hungry.

"Bella, you're lying to me." Jasper sounded - and felt – concerned. "What's wrong with hunting?"

"Nothing!" I squeaked. "I'm just not hungry. No burning. See?" I smiled, as though he could see my _not at all _parched throat through my glistening teeth.

"Bella, you haven't fed for _weeks_. Not since I brought you that deer!"

_Yes, but I drank that out of the container_. I said quietly to myself, unwilling to explain why I did not want to hunt.

"I know that, but I'm not hungry. I don't get hungry. Once a year, remember?" I smiled brightly.

"I can tell that you're hungry. I know that you know that I know that you suspect that the 'feeding once a year' has worn off. And those little black eyes add to the truth of this." He was worried, I could tell; but he was determined too, to find the source of my pain.

"Can't you get me a deer?" I asked quietly, praying he'd comply.

"Why don't you want to go?" He asked, concerned.

"I want to stay in our little bubble..." I smiled convincingly. "I don't want to go outside."

"Come on, beautiful." He returned my smile, though his was real- not false like mine. "We're going hunting."


	16. Hunt

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Oh, sorry guys. I took a while longer than I should have. My birthday's on the fourteenth, so you should get a chapter around that time or before :)**

**In other news, you guys should definitely check out Fall Back Again, by gemin. ID is 4568197. She's always reviewed faithfully, and this story is fantastic - it's Jasper/Bella. **

**&Herez be teh chaptuh from teh ceiling cat. Srsly.**_(I'm working on my LOLspeak, I think I want to translate a little bit for the LOLcat Bible)_

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I tried to keep the look of dread from my face as I got out of the shower. Under the cool stream of the water, I'd been free to look down at the water escaping through the plughole dejectedly. I didn't think I was ready for this. The door swung open just as I was plastering the smile on my face.

"You look happy," Jasper commented, eyeing my towelled form appreciatively before casting his eyes back to my face, where my perfect false smile held its own. "What are you thinking about?" He asked curiously. I tried to ignore how this reminded me of Edward's constant stream of that question, wishing, wanting to get inside my mind.

"About how lucky I am to have you," I smiled, pressing my lips to his. Of course, I did think I was lucky to have Jasper – I didn't deserve him. But that was not what I was thinking at that exact moment.

I was thinking about how grateful I was that Jasper could not feel my emotions. It must be weird for him, considering I'd been working very hard to let him feel everything I was feeling for the past weeks.

"Some privacy?" He asked jokingly, gesturing to the shower cubicle. "Unless you'd like to join me?"

I smirked seductively. "Maybe when I've got a little more space in my schedule, Mr Hale."

I strode out of the bathroom, my smile dropping from my face. How long could I keep this act up with him? I had a quick look through our vast wardrobe, and pulled out a pair of sweats, and a plain, loose shirt. If it'd get torn apart while I hunted, I didn't want to look perfect.

I heard the water stop. The shower door sliding open. The sole of Jasper's wet foot making contact with the tiled bathroom floor. The towel brushing over his skin.

I plastered the same fake smile over my face as I tied my hair up. I was sure I would have looked a horrendous mess if I'd done this as a human, but I did not care. Jasper had seen me at my best, and my worse.

I eyed my paler than snow reflection.

For a girl dressed in sweats with damp hair, I looked pretty damn good.

I stood staring at the girl with a wide smile in the mirror while my lover zoomed about behind me, pulling skinny jeans and a tight shirt on. Yum.

His arms wound around my waist, like a snake – though he was much more welcome than a boa constrictor. "Ready?"

"Set!" I smiled widely – a little _too_ widely, perhaps.

"GO!" Emmett boomed.

We both jumped out of our skin.

"Emmett, what the hell was that?" I screeched.

"Sorry," he laughed. "I figured it'd be funny."

"And was it?" Jasper asked jokingly.

"Yes." Emmett smiled triumphantly. "I may do it again, see if I can get another photo for my album!

"Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts..." I chanted under my breath.

Jasper laughed at me, smiling tenderly. "We're going hunting, Em."

"Ah, catch a grizzly for me, shawty." Emmett told me.

"Shawty?" I asked. "That's a new one!"

"Yeah – I'm just altering 'shorty' for a hipper sound. I've been working on some new names!"

"Lord, spare me." I said apathetically, imagining Emmett's renditions of some of my old nicknames.

_Lil Momma_ instead of _Lil' Lady_? I shuddered.

"Let's go hunting," Jasper said, taking hold of my hand as we sped out of the house, heading for the mountains.

And then we were there. And there was a deer in front of me. And Jasper was urging me to go for it, love, because he wanted something larger.

And I couldn't do it.

"I...I can't, Jasper." I mumbled, trying to resist the burning that was beginning to make an appearance in my throat.

"What do you mean?" He asked, putting a hand on my shoulders.

"I mean, I can't. I can't hunt something. I don't want to bite an animal, I don't. I can't suck the life out of something, be it a human or an animal. I _can't_. I don't want to tear something apart, like Edward tore Jake apart! I _can not take a life_." I was quickly becoming hysterical, the waves of dread engulfing me and pulling me under the water as I shook.

I could not take another's life. I didn't want to feel something's life being _drained_ from them, I did not want to feel the pulse screaming, the life flooding into my dead body. I did not want to enjoy it like my shunned husband had.

_I would not._

"It's better this way, honey." He murmured, stroking my hair. "It's better that it's not humans."

"But, they're still _alive_." I murmured. "I don't want to feel the life being drained away, I don't want to kill."

He hugged me tighter, and I felt selfish and stupid.

"It wasn't like that with Jacob. I know, it was horrible for you. You can't imagine how I felt seeing you in so much pain...but Jacob did not die like that. He died _nobly_, trying to save the life of someone he loved. I can only wish when I meet my maker, that I will die as nobly as he."

I sniffed a little. "Thank you, Jasper."

It was what I needed – to hear the one I loved talking about the one who had loved me, the one I had loved and left, and finally, lost. Because Jacob had been noble. I would live forever. I should come to terms that he had left me, that he had come back one last time to find me, to try and _save me, _ because I was worth more than his own life.

Yet I still could not hunt – I did not want to attack a living thing. Something with a _soul_.

It was foolish that I should care so much about a soul when I had been so adamant to give mine to Edward, to the Cullens. But that was a life, and I had no right to take it...

"But you'd drink the blood?" He asked, sounding suddenly thoughtful.

"I...yes." I said, knowing I couldn't go without the stupid crimson liquid. "I just don't want to have to kill for it."

If I did not kill the poor, unfortunate animal myself, then I could pretend it had died of natural causes.

_Heck, you were never a vegetarian, why do you care?! _A persistent voice prattled on in my head; I tried to ignore the whiny voice but it was becoming near impossible.

Why _did_ I care?

Was it because of Jacob?

Jacob had changed my life in so many ways – like Edward had said, the scars would never completely go away. But now I was a vampire, and I had not a blemish on my body, apart from the upraised scar on my hand – the present from James. Jacob's scars had disappeared, too.

I loved him so deeply once, but now it was like a brotherly love – the kind of love that would always be present in my heart, but would never make me doubt Jasper.

Jacob was dead. It was time to forget.

No matter how painful that was.

I returned to the present, and felt Jasper nodding, and letting go of me.

He was down the hill, attacking a deer, before I had a chance to look at him. The movements of the deer were so slow that the poor animal had no hope. If I had not been so upset, then I knew I would have wanted Jasper more than I did right then – and I wanted him so badly that I could barely imagine wanting anything more.

There was something about the hunt, the way I could hear his laboured breathing, the grace with which he moved, the way he was so _dominant_. I shuddered in anticipation.

And then, Jasper was on the deer, snapping her neck and sinking his teeth through the skin.

I gasped.

He did this all so naturally, like this was what he was _meant _to do. But I had been human – it was weird, but I had never thought about Jasper as a human. To me, he had always been a vampire. I never thought of him as a young soldier, a dutiful fighter, a _breakable_ body. I briefly thought over Jasper as a human, growing up, a young, brave man. What were his earliest memories?

But I had been human. I was not ready for this, I was not ready to kill.

Jasper carried the deer to me.

"Drink." He ordered – it was not a suggestion, but a demand.

And I felt the need to comply.

I pressed my lips to the matted fur, convulsing a little. And then I tasted the blood, the _life_, and drank greedily from the salty wound, the indent where my lover's teeth had pierced the skin. I literally continued to suck the life out of the corpse, and felt marginally better. I wasn't sucking this victim's life away, she was already dead.

Even though it had been for me.

And then, as the blood ran dry, I tasted something on the flesh, on the torn skin.

_Jasper._

It was like his scent, but more potent. Like sandalwood, almost, with an undercurrent of desirable spice. His scent was warm and welcoming, but at the same time, it was dark and spicy, masculine and dangerous.

I loved Jasper's scent.

And here it was, beneath my lips, like tasting what his blood might have smelled like.

"Isn't that animal dry, yet?" I heard him ask tentatively.

"I can taste you on the open flesh." I murmured huskily. "Where you opened the body."

I was trying to drive away my feelings of lust by talking about this devoured corpse, but I could not divert it.

"I wonder what it tastes like..." he murmured, crawling closer to me.

"Your taste?" I said, looking at him through hooded eyelids.

"No...yours." He answered, sounding equally husky.

"It's...like _you_, like it's your essence." I said, hoping to describe it to him.

"I'd give anything to taste your essence." He murmured wistfully. "Your blood must have tasted like it."

And Edward had tasted that.

The conversation had taken on a rather serious note, and I instantly wanted to be out of it – the reason I really did not know why. What was wrong with me!?

"Let's go home." He said, as though reading my mind.

He took my hand, and we ran.


	17. Star

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This chapter is mostly fun, so there won't be any drama! Also, I can find you guys Rose's dress. As for Bella's, I have had a look for it on the internet, but I seem to have just been unlucky. I happen to own the mentioned dress (and the shoes – which really ARE the most comfy shoes ever!) so I'll take a picture of it and it'll pop up on my FFF site soon!**

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**Star**

"Oh, you're back!" Rosalie squealed. I smiled kindly at her, and she hugged me. "It feels like I haven't seen you in ages!"

"You haven't!" I laughed – we'd been cooped up for a while.

"We need to go out, all of us." Rosalie declared. "A club?"

I remembered my last time at a club – the tall man attacking me. I threw the memory away.

"Sure!" Jasper would be here to protect me this time, anyway.

"How are Esme and Carlisle?" Jasper asked solemnly.

Emmett sighed. "Not so good. Carlisle's been going to the hospital more often, and I think Esme's been going with him: we haven't seen her around here."

I lowered my head, feeling guilty. It was quite obvious that Esme had _not_ forgiven me for driving away her son and her daughter, and though Carlisle did not judge, he was under a lot of pressure and felt the house as more of a cold shell rather than a home.

"They won't be coming out, basically." Rose said, noticing my pain. "I'll let them know that we've gone if they're not back by the time we choose to leave."

I smiled gratefully at her.

Jasper kissed my neck. "You two go get ready."

Rose and I rifled through her wardrobe. She picked up a purple stretch material for herself, with matching satin heels. She threw them softly onto the bed, then dug further into the vast wardrobe, returning with deep blue items in her arms.

"Yours." She said firmly, pressing the stretchy fabric into my hands, accompanied by a pair of blue wedges.

"Isn't this a little short?" I asked timidly.

"No, of course not!" Rose giggled, pulling my top over my head and pushing me into her en suite. "And hurry up, once I'm out of the shower, I expect to see you out too!"

I pulled my remaining clothes away from my body. I had not hunted correctly; my clothes were still quite clean. I sighed, turning the water on. Technically, I did not need to wash my hair, or my body. I was forever clean. But I had a little blood around my mouth, and I wanted to _feel_ clean.

I stepped under the flow.

I smiled happily. My worries washed down the drain, the white shower floor tinted a little pink as the blood washed away from my face. My human consciousness flailed around, soap in her eyes, looking for the razor.

"Dammit!" I didn't need to shave, did I?

This was all so confusing! The human part of me was just continuing to blunder around like an idiot, and the elite vampire part of me was scoffing at the human part, performing the task at hand, plotting the retrieval of Emmett's photo album and thinking about Jasper naked, all at the same time.

I shuddered – if any of those ideas happened to mix, I'd probably be sick. I stepped out of the shower, singing to myself. _"__I gotta check into rehab, 'cause baby you're my disease..."_

A soft nose brushed against the skin behind my ear.

"Mmm, I'd say you're my disease, but you're more like an obsession," he murmured, wrapping the soft towel around me. "You smell _so_ _good_." He groaned, nipping at my neck.

I squirmed, and slipped out of his grasp. "I have to go get ready, Jazz! Rose'll be livid!"

"Oh," he moaned. "But, can't we stay here? You look good like that."

"No, Jasper. And definitely not for a club." He pouted, and I raised an eyebrow seductively. "Later, maybe."

He let me go instantly, and I flitted back to the room to get the deep blue dress.

I pulled it on gently, still a little wary of my strength. Rosalie was right, it looked fantastic on me. There were oddly shaped panels at the side, and the plunging neckline made my ample cleavage look almost as wondrous as Rosalie's.

I put my feet in the wedges. These were, truly, the most comfortable shoes ever. I looked up at the mirror. I smiled. I couldn't be too bothered with make up, so I used my telekinesis to apply my mascara, lip gloss and a little blusher.

Honestly, telekinesis was my favourite power – I had the power to move everything. I need never move again!

Though, I did like my ability to create visions – I could wrap myself up in a fantasy world when Jasper went hunting, or more favourably, wrap Jasper and myself up in the most beautiful place existing; a waterfall and meadow that we'd found a decade ago. I had received this power from an Amazon friend- Zafrina.

Of course, being able to influence the elements was cool, but only useful in dire circumstances. My mind reading, empathy and future-seeing were quite weak, by now. I rarely used them, and I was unable to absorb a power more than once.

"Ready?" Rose asked, flying in – and looking fantastic.

"You look wonderful, Rose!" I exclaimed.

"I know," she smiled cheekily. "And so do you."

"No..." I said, embarrassed.

"Dammit, since you got your memories back, you transformed into a wallflower again!"

"Hey!" I squealed. "I am _not_ a wallflower! I'm a damn sexy beyotch!"

Rose almost collapsed laughing, but said confidently through her giggles, "Damn right you are!"

The club was like fire.

The air was thick with the aroma of arousal and alcohol. Jasper was holding me close as we ground against each other to the beat of the music. He was wearing loose fitting jeans and a tight shirt.

_God said, Let there be Jasper!_ I thought to myself, as he sucked on my earlobe. _And it is gooood..._

"I'd rather be home with you right now," he said, leading me away from the dance floor to sit on the long purple couch – that held a dozen couples in various levels of intimate embraces. I shuddered, trying to focus on Jasper again.

"Me too," I said breathlessly. He sat us down on the couch, myself comfy on his lap. Then, safe and I wrapped a vision around us.

"Oh, Bella." He whispered. "Thank you."

I'd managed to completely block out the club and it's noise, leaving us in our room, alone, and happy. We could not do _exactly_ what we wanted, because everyone in the club could, of course, still see us.

We were listening to soft acoustic, just sitting together. Jasper wasn't exactly into all the dance music they played in clubs, he was more interested in rock. And I liked it all. But Jasper's favourite pastime was to sit with me, listening to music.

And I had brought that to him.

"Dammit, Bella!" Rose hissed, suddenly at my ear. The vision vanished, and we were both back in the club. Jasper sighed into my ear, making me shiver, while Rosalie continued. "You were influencing the sound – I could hear the acoustic while I was dancing!"

"Shit." I said, embarrassed. I really needed to learn how to control myself.

Jasper and I got up, ready to dance to the newest song playing, an old favourite of mine.

_She's my everything,  
Like a morning girl,  
She's my angel, up above my world,  
She's the only one, who understands me,  
That's why I call her, my new fan league_

_She's the only one that I want by my side,  
She's the only one that I believe can save my life,  
She makes me want to be a better man for a while (hey)  
She's higher than the sky, the sun and the moon,_

_She's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star_

_First let me say, she's the best of me,  
Is it cliché To say she's destiny,  
There's no one else but her, well least for me,  
That's exactly why, I must now  
repeat, that... _

_  
She's the only one that I want by my side,  
She's the only one that I believe can save my life,  
She makes me want to be a better man for a while (hey)  
She's higher than the sky, the sun and the moon,_

_She's my star my light, starry night,  
Aviator shades cause she shines so bright,  
Beats on the G5, songs I write, Just so I  
can take her on take them G5 flights,  
Yeah she's my type, just my height,  
She's my fit, she's just right,  
She's like I think we might,  
Go far, I'm like you right,  
Cos she could be my angel wings,  
Her voice sounds like an angel sings,  
Yeah I be back with the trademark strings,  
Just tryin' to compliment the sound she brings,  
She's like we could go far, I'm like you, you, you are,  
I'm like you, you, you are,  
You are my, guiding star._

_She's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star  
Ooh baby she's like a star,  
Like a star, like a star_

Jasper sang the words softly in my ear, and when the song was over and another took over, he whispered in my ear, "You are my star, you know."

The moment was so romantic; so perfect, that I did not want to spend it in a club.

"Let's get out of here."


	18. Light

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**This is the last chapter before my birthday - tomorrow :O**

**Forgot to say, last chapter. The song was 'Like A Star' by Taio Cruz. The song in this chapter is 'Closer' by Ne-Yo. I own neither. They're both really good songs to dance to, though they're not exactly recent.**

**Oh, and I was wondering if any of you guys who read from France, are from La Rochelle? I'm going there on an exchange trip in March...**

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The chorus of the next song was just beginning as we flew out of the club, ringing out behind us as we danced to the highest hill we knew – the one that ended in a spectacular cliff overlooking the sea.

The place looked like the end of the earth, the steepest point in France. The land just stopped, just like lives so abruptly stopped with a bullet, a handful of pills, a blade.

The grass was lush and grey under the moonlight, our ghostly limbs like a breeze, barely touching the floor, or leaving an imprint in the grass.

I listened again as the whispers from the club followed us.

_And I just can't pull myself away  
Under her spell I can't break  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
And I just can't break myself no way  
But I don't want to escape  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop _

_  
I can feel her on my skin  
I can taste her on my tongue  
She's the sweetest taste of sin  
The more I get the more I want  
She wants to own me...  
Come closer  
She says "come closer"..._

_  
And I just can't pull myself away  
Under her spell I can't break  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
And I just can't break myself no way  
But I don't want to escape  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop _

_I just can't stop_

The music gradually faded away, the further we ran.

I sat down on the soft grass, relishing the blades flattening under me, like they were bending to my will. Like I was powerful.

"May I ask why we're out here?" Jasper asked, lying down next to me and playing with my hair.

"I don't really know. I guess, it all just felt so perfect that I didn't want to be in a sweaty club." And the club had been utterly repulsive. I could not smell the blood of the humans, but I could smell the stench of their sweat, of their urine, of their bile, their alcohol.

He laughed in a way that it was almost a song. "Anywhere is perfect with you."

"Gosh, you're such a sap," I joked, nudging him playfully.

He put his finger to my lips, and wrapped his arm around my neck,tugging me down she that I was partially on his chest.

"Oh," I murmured, low and awed, as I saw the stars.

Looking at the stars as a vampire was fantastic. Each star was a planet, far off in the distance. If the planet was red, then we could usually see the red tinge to the orb. But, otherwise, they were like orbs suspended in mid air, twinkling away, each beam like a diamond.

"And, see that star?" Jasper said, pointing at the brightest one I could see – an almost incandescent white orb that was pirouetting faster than the others we could see.

"Yes."

"That's Bella's star."

"You can't name a star!" I said indignantly, even though I was incredibly pleased.

"Actually, you can, when your last name is Cullen," he chuckled. "It's officially called Isabella 13, because there had to be a number in it, but-"

He couldn't finished, because I had launched myself into his lips with vigor.

"That," I said, between kisses, "is the nicest thing anyone has _ever_ done for me!"

"Well," he said once I'd finished my assault, "I couldn't write our names in the stars, so I thought I'd name some after us. It's the least you deserve."

"Which one's named after you?" I asked curiously.

He turned to the one that had a rather pinkish tinge- the planet must've been red. "That one. Jasper WHC6."

"Fancy." I joked, kissing his scarred neck. "That is the nicest thing ever," I whispered in his ear.

"For the nicest woman ever." He retorted. "Ah, that was pretty cheesy, huh?"

"I still love you!" I reassured him, laughing.

"And I love you, more than any star in the sky." He paused, kissing me. "And I don't care how darn cheesy it sounds."

We lay together for a while, staring at our stars and the lightening sky, holding each other, spending time together. We would have forever, but I would always want more. Forever was such a long time, and I was grateful that I would have Jasper by my side for all that time, while people died and places changed, and continents moved and technologies advanced...all the while, together. Happy.

We stayed on the steep cliff until the sun began to raise its head and the animals were beginning to awaken, then we picked ourselves up, giving the edge of the world one last glance on the crisp December morning, and ran home.


	19. Festivities

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**I wrote the Epilogue of Superbia today. I have never cried like that in my life. As always, the outfits are on the FFF site.**

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_Festivities_

The months had passed quickly in my husband and sister's absence, Halloween and Christmas speeding past us. We were currently sitting in an aeroplane, on our way to Paris. It was New Year's Eve, and we were determined to make an occasion of it.

I snuggled down in the leather seats. Esme was staring out of the window, and Carlisle was focusing very hard on the cream wall in front of him. Rosalie and Emmett, sitting opposite Jasper and I, were talking about how overexcited humans got on New Year. 2049 was sure to be an interesting year, according to most of them.

Holidays and new years seemed insignificant to us. We passed through them like they did not matter at all. And in vampire time, they didn't. I was sure that with the way days and months blended into one another, we'd soon be facing Easter and Valentine's Day. Jasper squeezed my hand, and I replayed the memories of our most recent holidays.

-

Halloween had been a real treat – no pun intended. Esme insisted on having everyone dress up and spend time together; she was firm believing that she should hold up the ghost of the old family.

Rosalie dressed up as a Harry Potter witch, her long legs complimenting her outfit beautifully. It was the complete opposite to the 'Corpse Bride' costume that Rosalie'd shuddered at. Though she'd told me back when I was human that she hadn't spilt Royce or any of his cronies' blood, something had stirred in her.

Esme had dressed up as Medusa. She'd gotten dressed with us, and had somehow managed to keep a happy face on the entire time. We all laughed heartily when her headdress somehow had gotten tangled with the necklace she was going to wear with the costume.

I had dressed up as a vampire. Rosalie had been intent on dressing me up as a vampire, though I saw little point in that and tried to dress up as The Dark Queen of Hearts. But, Rosalie had her way in the end.

While I was putting the hazardous heels on, Esme said "You would have surely collapsed in those if you were still human!"

We all laughed until she sobered, thinking of Edward catching me or Alice whining that the shoes completed the outfit.

Emmett had opted for a Death Eater costume, in order to fit with Rosalie's Harry Potter witch outfit. Rosalie pointed out, later on, that if she really were from Harry Potter, she'd be unlikely to marry a Death Eater, because she was in Gryffindor. This upset Emmett a bit, even though he liked fiddling with his mask.

Carlisle, much to Esme's amusement, dressed up as Van Helsing. Emmett and I agreed that the hat _very_ much suited him, and I said that it also fit well with his heritage. Carlisle laughed at that, but I saw the pensive look upon his face afterwards, and I cursed bringing it up at all. It seemed that everything to do with the Cullens had something to do with Edward.

Jasper dressed up as a Victorian vampire. While I had suggested dressing him up with the costume from the site, he'd objected. In the Cullens' attic, they had all of their attire from previous years. I laughed until I cried when I saw Jasper's cane.

"You actually used this thing?" I said disbelievingly.

"Oh, yeah. We all did!" He said enthusiastically. I laughed more.

We'd all agreed that no one would turn up at our house, because not many people knew about it, though they saw us in town now and again. So, we bought a few buckets of candy and set out in the more popular neighbourhoods. Children were milling around, and we found we didn't need to knock on doors. We handed out plenty to each child.

"_Merci!_" One child squealed, as Esme handed her a butterfly clip.

This child was particularly beautiful, in the strangest way. She had pale skin and long, curly bronze hair, but her eyes were a chocolate brown. She was entrancing, and ever so unique.

"_Comment tu t_'_appelles_?" Esme had asked her. The Cullens were fluent in French, but I was not. I only gathered the gist of this simple conversation.

"_Je m'____appelle__ Renee._" She'd said shyly. I was not ignorant enough to ignore my birth mother's name. Esme smiled back at her, telling her it was beautiful with tears glistening in her eyes.

We ran home not long after that. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and I watched Interview with a Vampire together, and then Edward Scissorhands. Esme and Carlisle retired to their room the instant we were home, and I heard stifled sobs from their abode once again.

Rosalie and I were in the kitchen, talking about how many innocent humans could possibly be murdered on Halloween when they ventured out into the woods for a spooky encounter, when I decided to broach the subject of Esme's sobs.

"I know it's terribly unfair of me to ask you." I was anticipating an angry reaction from my renewed best friend.

"No, it's not unfair." Rose answered evenly. "I didn't think you could see the resemblance."

"The resemblance?" I asked, confused.

"That little girl, the one called Renee." She clarified.

"Because she has the same name as my mother?"

"No," Rose sighed. "Because of what she looked like. She had Edward's bronze hair, and your brown eyes...She looked like what yours and Edward's child would have looked like."

Rose gave me a moment, sighing and kissing my forehead in a sisterly way before walking to the window.

"I didn't notice." I murmured finally, after the silence had been dragging out.

"I didn't think you had." She said solemnly. "Esme is crying because she thinks, had the circumstances been different, and Edward been human - and you both being together – that the little girl could have been her granddaughter."

I licked my lips nervously. "I'm sorry." I said, not knowing to whom I was saying it or what for.

"I know." Rosalie said, holding me tight.

-

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, and Jasper caught it with his finger before it could burn through any of my clothes.

-

Christmas had been an altogether different circumstance.

It had all been terribly awkward, all of us unsure of the other. Carlisle and Esme spoke kindly to us all, handing us our gifts. I knew that Esme would probably feel Edward and Alice's loss more during Christmas, so I bought her something to remind her of them.

A toy piano from 'Edward', and a silk scarf from 'Alice'.

"Thank you." She said, sounding a bit choked up.

"I thought you'd want something..." I couldn't bring myself to say _to remember them by._

She'd retired to her room afterwards, and I'd smiled sadly at Rosalie.

"It's not your fault." She said simply.

"It is." I contradicted her; we both knew I was right.

"You tried." She insisted. "You did a good thing. It was what she needed."

Jasper and I had watched the Nightmare Before Christmas over and over until we were singing along, and he was holding me tight. And I felt that was all _I_ needed.

-

I returned to the present, smiling at Jasper.

"Are you alright?" He said worriedly, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Yes," I said. "Yes, I'm fine."

I smiled, and he smiled back.


	20. An Unexpected Visitor

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**There's a bunch of foreshadowing in this chapter, but not where you'd expect it.** **And oh, what I say about Mike – it's totally true! Also, the little bit about Rosalie stems from Angeliss' fic 'Desperate'. It's fabulous. The ID is 4503719 and I would recommend it if you'd like a fantastic read.**

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It was February 13th, and I was once again marvelling at how quickly time had passed. It did not bother me – I was rather happy. Esme and Carlisle seemed much happier, and warmer around me. The eight months they'd had to recover was helpful, and the Cullen household was happy once again. Esme had taken up volunteer work, and Carlisle was off working in the hospital as usual. We were all having a fantastic new year.

Of course, as well as things were going for the most part, it was foolish of me to think that they would continue in this fashion.

But I had hoped, anyway.

"I see a visitor coming tonight!" I said happily.

"A visitor?" Jasper asked, suddenly wary.

"Yes," I confirmed. "I can't see who it is – my power isn't as defined as Alice's. But I'm pretty sure we've met them before, I can feel a sort of familial vibe around them."

Jasper relaxed. "Probably one of the Volturi, then. It's been nearly eight months since we saw Aro – we should have anticipated another visit soon."

I nodded. "Do you think he'll have another power for me?"

"Most likely. What would you like it to be, this time?" He asked curiously.

"Hm, I don't know. I've got a heck of a lot, at the moment!" I giggled. "I've got more than my fair share. What would you want, if you could have new powers?"

"I've never really thought, before..." he murmured, looking thoughtful.

"Take your time," I said, happy just to watch him.

He thought for a while longer, before announcing, "I'd like the power to rearrange the stars."

"Rearrange the stars?!" I said, shocked.

"Yes. The power to rearrange them – to pick them up and slide them away from each other, or into a different pattern..."

"That sounds lovely." I agreed.

"I'd write your name with the stars." He said, nuzzling my neck.

"Really? My name?"

"Yes, yours and mine. _Bella and Jasper. _That way, everyone'd know that you and I are forever, because the stars never fade away." He smiled at me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "And neither will we."

"I love you." I smiled. "But what you've given me is good enough."

He smiled. "I'm glad you think so. I guess naming stars after us was the best I could do...but I'd still like that power."

"I'd like that power too," I said. "I'd do exactly what you've said. I'll ask Aro if he can find someone with that power for me!" I giggled.

"It's unlikely, but it would be so lovely." Jasper smiled, humoring me.

"What are we talking about?" Emmett said, joining us on the couch.

"I feel like Aro's turning up with a new power for me." I informed him. "And Jazz said he'd like to have the power to rearrange the stars."

"So I could write mine and Bella's names in the sky." He finished for me.

Emmett chuckled. "Cute. I'd probably write rude stuff with the stars. Like 'Arse' or 'Dick Head'."

Rosalie, who had been standing at the end of the stairs 'hmmph'ed. "Oh, Jasper writes 'Bella and Jasper' with the stars, but _you_ write 'Arse'." She sighed and flopped on the couch. "'_Oh, Rose, as a token of my love for you, I've written 'arse' in the sky!_' I'd be so flattered Emmett."

Emmett looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. "Well, I'm not as much of an exhibitionist as Jasper...And I can't rearrange the stars. So I'm settling for just showing you I love you in a less extravagant way." He kissed her, and she smiled happily.

"I love you." She slid into his embrace, like I sat with Jasper.

"And you know I love you too, Ange'." Emmett kissed her hair.

I remembered him telling me the story of him seeing Rosalie for the first time; thinking she was an angel.

"Hell's not so bad if you get to take an angel with you." I smiled at Emmett and he chuckled.

"You're right there, squirt." He reached over and ruffled my hair.

"But that's got me thinking..." Rosalie began, restarting our conversation. "What powers would you guys all like to have?"

"Invisibility!" Emmett boomed. "That'd be_ so_ awesome!"

"What would you do with invisibility?" I asked curiously.

"I'd sneak up on Rose in the shower!" Emmett laughed.

I chuckled while Rose thought of her answer. "I'd probably sneak up on..._evil_ people," - we all knew she was talking about people like Royce - "and stop them before they did wrong."

"That's so sweet, hon." Emmett said, kissing her hair. "What about you Jazz?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'd surprise Bella a bit, and I'd probably do some good deeds...and oh, if only Mike Newton were still our age; heck, I'd spook him out good and proper!" He laughed, and I scowled jokingly.

"Hey, leave poor Mikey alone! He must be nearly 60 now!" I paused. "You know, if you guys had all died when you should have, I would have been with Mike!"

Emmett scoffed, and shook his head. "You'd have been with Jake."

I shook my head defiantly, ignoring the stab of pain that came with Jake's name. "No, because I liked Mike a lot – he was the nicest guy in school. And I would have met Jacob by the beach but I wouldn't have been intrigued by you guys-" I was trying not to say _his_ name "- and I wouldn't have gotten him on his own to ask about the treaty, I'd be busy hanging out with Mike. We'd have gotten together eventually."

"Woah." Emmett said, in awe. He knew I was right.

"To think I could have lost you to Mike _Newton_, of _all_ people!" Jasper said, shocked.

I shuddered. "Okay, bad thoughts. Rose, what power would you like?"

Her answer was instantaneous. "I'd like to be able to turn vampires back into humans."

"Wow!" I knew exactly why she'd want this power.

What Rosalie wanted more than anything in the world was to be alive. And she couldn't have that. If Rosalie had that power, she could make herself and Emmett humans. They could have children.

"But it's not going to happen," she sighed, knowing she'd tortured herself unnecessarily be even thinking of it.

"What about you, Bella?" Emmett said, holding Rose a little tighter as she stared into space.

"I don't really know." I said truthfully. "I mean, don't I have enough already? More than my fair share?"

Emmett laughed. "True – how many have you got now?"

I thought. "Mind reading, empathy, future telling, recognizing relationships, shielding, tracking, numbing, torturing, seduction, telekinesis, human tendencies, to recognize lies, control of the elements, the ability to create visions, immunity to blood, the ability to see auras, persuasion, manipulation, diversion...I think that's it!"

My family looked a little speechless, though they knew most of these.

"Oh, and super-powered-sponginess!" Emmett reminded me jokingly.

I smiled. "Yes, and that."

It was much later that night when Jasper put his arms around me and said,

"I'm going hunting, want to come?"

"No thanks, I'll stay here in case our visitor appears."

Jasper nodded and sped off.

I was flicking through the TV channels aimlessly; singing to myself.

"_This is how we'll dance when, when they try to take us down, this is how we'll sing it_" I smiled, watching a cat doing a mid-air flip on the comedy channel. I flicked again. "_This is how we'll stand when, when they burn our houses down, this is what will be, oh, glory._"

"Bella," Jasper's soft voice was by the door, looking solemn. His pale body was framed by the twilight, and shadows were cast over his face. He looked angry, and upset. And worried. Very, very worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked, speeding towards him. It was unusual for him to have taken...less than a minute to hunt.

"He's here."

I felt lighter, happier. "Oh, Aro?"

"No." He said, putting a firm, comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Then who?" I said, laughing a little. He was so cryptic!

But his next words erased my smile, stifled my laughter.

"It's Edward. Edward's here."


	21. Such Fragile, Broken Things

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Author's note:**

**I'm sorry this took a while. I've been absolutely engrossed in Harry Potter fics. : They've been my guilty pleasure for a while now, but recently I just keep on finding these ones I can't ignore for a minute... oops! And, to those of you whom write fics that I regularly read and since your last update I haven't read or reviewed...I'm terribly sorry. This HP madness is going to my head, and on top of that my schoolwork is all over the place. I'll be back on the ball soon, promise!**

**&In a general note, 'Come What May' from the Moulin Rouge Soundtrack won Luxuria's song. I'll be putting the Avaritia poll up soon; I'll let you all know when it goes up!  
**

_**Such fragile, broken things**_

He was standing there.

Just there, looking at me pitifully with his dark eyes.

"You came," he murmured, stepping towards me and reaching his arm out towards me.

"Don't." I said, flinching away.

He lowered it. "But it's okay, now, Bella!" He said happily. "Alice is coming back!"

"She is?!" I asked, momentarily shocked.

"Yes!" He smiled beautifully. "And she and Jasper can get married again, and you and I can be together again, and Flynn will be happy to have Alice happy, and then we can all be happy again, and go back to normal and be happy again!"

He looked so hopeful, so _sure_ of all of this, as 'happy' flew from his lips repeatedly, that I hated myself more than ever for letting the next words slip through my pink lips.

"I can't be with you, Edward." I said solemnly, lowering my eyes to the ground, feeling terrible.

"Why!?" He cried, dropping to his knees in front of me.

"Because it's too late." I said sadly. "You've broken my heart too many times, and now I love Jasper. And I can't help it, and I didn't want to - I never asked to!" I sobbed, feeling tears of venom leaking from my eyes. "But I do. And there is no going back because you have hurt me too badly, you've killed me too many times. How many times will it happen again, if I take you back?"

"Never! Oh, my Bella, I never did any of it intentionally-"

"I'm not your Bella, not any more." I said firmly. "I am Jasper's."

"You can't live without me!" Edward hissed, taking the offensive. "You can't! You fell apart when I left before, and look at you now – you're falling apart!"

"Only because you came back!" I retorted. "I've been _happy_! And then you have to come along, dragging up all these stupid fucking memories that _I don't want to remember!_"

"You need me." He said, trying to convince himself while convincing me. "You can't live without me. Ultimately, you will _need_ me with you, you will have to have me back!"

"No, Edward!" I sobbed, shaking my head vigorously. "I love Jasper. He's all I want!"

"No, he's not! He's not, _you love ME!_"

"How can you do this, Edward?" I asked, my lip quivering.

"Bella, one day, you'll need me! And I'm always going to be here, I always am! I won't ever leave you, not even if you tell me to!"

"What happened to you, Edward?" I sighed, realising that I wasn't talking to my Edward any more. "When did you become this person?"

"I've never changed, love, I never did. I'll love you forever!"

"No, Edward. You used to say you'd be here as long as I wanted you. I don't _want_ you any more."

"You're just doing this for my safety, aren't you?" He said, sounding a little deranged. "That's what I said to you, and I was leaving to keep you safe, you're trying to keep me away because you love me!"

"No, Edward." I sobbed, dropping to my knees by him. "No."

"You _do_." He said forcefully, grabbing me by the arms. "You _do!_"

He kissed me, but I pushed him away.

"No, Edward. No. Just leave me."

"You love me, Bella! I know, that somewhere, under all of this, you love me! You've got my heart, and I know I have yours!"

"You don't, any more, Edward. And I'm giving your heart back!"

"I don't want it!" He screamed. "You can throw it into the fire, take it to the pits of hell! I don't want it if I can't have you!" He clung to me again, his heavy arms holding me down. He seemed abnormally strong – stronger than he'd ever been before

I thought him away from me, and my telekinesis - with unusual difficulty - moved him slowly away from me.

"You can't have me, Edward. I'm giving you your heart _BACK_." I said more forcefully.

I held my bracelet up to the moonlight, and I carefully unclasped the diamond heart he'd given me so long ago.

"No!" He roared. "You _can't_!"

I put it carefully in his open palm – he struggled to pull his hand away or to close it until I had the charm in his hand and his fingers wrapped around it thanks to my will.

"Goodbye, Edward." I whispered. "Be happy, for me."

I pressed my lips softly to his forehead, and released his bonds, walking away as I did.

"No!" He shouted, and I whipped back around to face him. He crushed the diamond in his hand. "See, it's gone, now! And you can have me anyway! Forget about my heart, it has always been silent, since before I met you! It does not matter!"

"It mattered, Edward." I sobbed. "Oh, Edward."

"You still don't want me." He whispered. "Do you?"

"No." I whimpered, feeling ultimately vulnerable, and yet the most vicious thing on the planet.

"Okay. You don't want me."

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I sobbed, knowing how I had felt back when I had been whispering those same words.

"It's okay. You don't want me." His voice was firm, even in pain. Everything about him seemed stronger – his grip, his voice, his presence. I wasn't sure what this meant – was it that, in his despair, he was stronger than before? Or had something happened while he'd been away from his wife?

"Be happy, Edward." I cried, my face twisting into a grimace and my eyes squinting as tears clouded my vision.

"I cannot, Isabella." He whispered, tearing off into the night.

I sunk down onto my knees.


	22. Crimson

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note: **

**This chapter is dedicated to ecaniaga, who has been a faithful reviewer and a fantastic friend. She's written out a chapter for me (you'll see it in due course) and I could not be more grateful! You should go check out her stories now! Go, Go, Go!**

**OH, AND THE POLL FOR AVARITIA'S SONG IS UP! GO VOTE! GO, GO, GO!  
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I rubbed at my temples, hoping to banish the memory of his words as they echoed loudly in my head. I just couldn't keep control of my own life any more. It seemed that one day all my doors were open and I was finally banishing the echoes of my old life, but now, as Edward reappeared in my life, I didn't know which way to go: should I leave, should I try and let everyone be alone, let them live happily without me?

My heart was almost screaming that Jasper could never live happily without me, that the family couldn't – just like when they'd left! But they'd lived for long enough without me; I hadn't even been born and they'd gotten along fine.

Now, all my doors were closed; and I didn't know what I was here for. My heart continued talking, telling me to _open another door_. But I couldn't pull the two feelings together – I wasn't sure any more, of what I wanted. It was just too hard to put everything together – it felt like someone had dumped water all over the jigsaw of my life, and now the pieces were the same...but didn't fit together as one.  
The voices in my head...I felt crazy. I could hear Esme welcoming Edward back, and being glad that I wasn't there...And then I could hear Jasper telling Alice he still loved her.

I felt like I was falling off the edge of a cliff, where I was losing everything and everyone. But shouldn't I fight back, cling to the edge of that cliff as it pushed me off?

My world was upside down, and I didn't understand where to go next. There were only two options, but with so many possibilities attached to them:

To stay.

To leave.

But how could I choose? When I had my family's happiness in one option, and my love's happiness in the other? I was so confused. I wanted to make my own decision, what was best for me. I'd take my own road if I could, but as usual, I was weak. Hurt, on the verge of losing everything.

Or keeping it.

Why was Edward ruining everything, all that I'd built around me in his absence, fixing myself into a sense of normalcy?  
All of a sudden, it felt like my entire body was screaming at me. I was utterly consumed by the sound; and I tried to decipher the emotions behind the cacophony – hurt, love?

But I knew, I would be okay. Edward had left again, gone back to wherever he'd been spending his last few months.  
I was going in circles. But somehow, I knew where I was going. There was a road, forking from the side of the circle, turning it into a path. Because I'd made my decision, now. I knew where I belonged.

Home.

And that was where Jasper was. I turned around, running towards home, seeing the brightening between the trees, the lights from the house. I heard voices from inside, but I was too focused on my decision to listen hard.

I jumped onto the porch, looking through the already-open door.

And standing there, was the one person who'd veered each truck – figurative and literate - that had come screeching towards me away; he who'd stepped in the path of each problem, but had in turn caused quite a few himself.

"Bella, look!" Esme cooed. "Edward's back!"

She had her arms wrapped around him, and he smiled weakly at me, as though in apology. Somehow, I did not accept his apologetic smile as a genuine one. Was he doing this to please Esme? Or did he have another agenda? Was his mind addled by myself, and was he only here to steal me away from Jasper?

Was I too selfish to think he had just missed his home?

"We've missed you, son." Carlisle said fondly, patting his back as he was released from Esme's embrace. "We all have."

Jasper stood at the side of Rosalie, his nose scrunching up as though he could smell werewolf. He was angry; the second my eyes met his, I knew he was as happy about my husband's homecoming as I was.

Edward seemed so different now; as though he were hardened by his time without us. Where exactly had he been? Everything about him was so familiar, but as I scrutinized his face, I could distinctly see something different. It was right in front of my face, but I could not see it!

"Well, come in Bella!" Esme said impatiently, her eyes alight with the happiness that we had not seen for the past few months. "You've been standing in the doorway for five minutes!"

I stepped in through the door, and it was only then that I noticed what I had missed when only the light of the moon illuminated my husband's eyes.

It was only then that I noticed what only Jasper and Rosalie had noticed also; our adoptive parents ignoring the eyes that had seemed black to me in the darkness in their happiness.

Because, the colour that bled from Edward's eyes was the colour that I, as a human, had always feared seeing on him.

Staring back at me were a pair of blood red orbs.


	23. Thinking

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note**

**Sorry it took so long, guys. Thanks for your support. This is me apologizing for this shoddy chapter – I just can't find any kind of will to write at the moment.**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to my lovely buddies **_**gemin **_**and**_** ecaniaga, **_**because I remain adamant we should get tshirts made saying 'We pwn at Jasper/Bella fanfiction' or something to that effect. Oh yeah, they're awesome. Go read their stuff NOW – I can't get enough of it! There are these killer cliffhangers that make me jump up and down like a four year old after eating jellybeans... :O **

**Speaking of jellybeans, I'm eating a strawberry Maoam. **

**CONNECTION METHINKS :O**

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"Edward...what happened to your eyes?" I said quietly, stepping back again. Jasper spun behind me in a flash, holding me around the waist, as tense as a coiled cobra ready to spring.

Esme looked at Edward then, properly. "Oh, Edward..."

Carlisle looked calmer now; less enthusiastic. "Son, how did this happen...?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck, head down. "I...I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to disappoint you...but I decided abstaining from human blood was not in my best interests. It's unnatural to drink from animals. I've been around a lot of places in the months I have not been with you, and I have reason to believe that I need to be strong." His firm grip was now explained: he'd been drinking from humans, and therefore was stronger than me. Than all of us.

We were all silent, until Edward spoke again. "I'm sorry that I've disappointed you."

"You haven't disappointed us, son." Carlisle said slowly. "It's your life; you can choose your own path."

The room was tense, emotions swirling around in the unsettled air between us all. The wind blew fiercely through the open door behind me, and my hair swirled around my face. I heard Edward inhale deeply, surely committing my strange scent to memory.

My chest rose and fell quickly, a sign of nervousness. I could not seem to get enough air, though I didn't need it. Dust motes like budgerigars became trapped in my lungs, pressing softly against the cage of my flesh.

Esme nodded, finally breaking the unmoving silence. "But we have to ask you to refrain from hunting in our region..."

"Of course, I've no intention of hunting humans while I spend time with you."

I continued to blink confusedly.

"Bella," Jasper murmured in my ear. "Are you okay? Say something, please..."

Edward had done a lot of things wrong. Edward had lied to me about my life. Edward had killed my best friend. Edward had left me in 'order to protect me'. Edward had cheated on me during the time he'd left me, and then later after we were married. Edward had lied about cheating on me. Edward had tried every possible way to stop me from regaining my memory and thus incriminating himself. Edward had made me feel guilty about cheating on him with the love of my life even though he'd done the same.

But Edward had done a lot of things right, too. Edward had abstained from drinking my blood. Edward had abstained from human blood entirely. Edward had saved me from a van. Edward had saved me from James. Edward had saved me from Victoria. Edward had saved me from the Volturi. Edward had partially forgiven me for cheating on him with his brother. Edward had married me despite knowing his brother was in love with me and I reciprocated that feeling. Edward had changed me into a vampire.

I had always seen Edward as something good. And now, he was killing people.

Going out, and murdering them.

I could barely drink the crimson liquid that I craved, that I _needed_ in order to survive, but Edward took _pleasure _in it. The feeding from someone's life source.

The feeling of life, of movement, of a person who had family, and friends and wishes and hopes and dreams, and nightmares dying in your arms. Some one who could have had a future.

How could someone choose that? To know you had doomed someone to the eternal sleep that was death?

Just like he had killed Jacob.

"I don't think I'm okay, Jasper." I said slowly, breaking his hold and slipping past everyone to walk upstairs.

"Bella?" Esme called after me. I gave no answer, and I heard Rosalie say,

"Give her some time."

"Oh, this is my fault," Edward murmured, slowly and quietly- I barely caught his words.

_Yes, it is!_ I heard Jasper scream inside his head. I was so attuned to Jasper, even with my power of mind reading being patchy, I almost always knew what he was thinking.

Jasper's mind was interesting to say the least. He rarely thought in words – he wouldn't think a certain action - "And later I'll have to go to hunt..." - he just did them instinctively. Mostly, I picked up the constant bundle of emotions that ran through him, that ran through me. It was interesting, yes.

"I'm going hunting." Jasper growled. I heard the wind of his passage spitting through the living room as he tore away.

"Perfect." Rosalie hissed, like a venomous snake hidden behind the flower. "You come back when everything was just starting to get better."

"Don't worry," Esme said comfortingly, probably patting his shoulder. "They'll all be fine soon, it's just a shock."

"Yeah..." he whispered. "A shock. Can I go to my room, please?"

"Sure, honey."

I ran full pelt up the familiar stairs, catapulting myself into our room. I didn't want to risk running in to Edward, as his old room was on the same floor as mine and Jasper's.

I wondered absent-mindedly how Jasper had dealt with hearing Edward and I together. While our relationship had deteriorated to love making and a few whispered words, it would have probably broken his heart every time he heard a breath leave my mouth while with my husband.

And now I'd arrived at what was upsetting me more than I'd been letting on in the months that Edward had been absent.

I was still married to him.

It only seemed logical to me, now that we were separated and I was in love with someone else, maybe the logical thing to do would be to divorce each other. Of course, while this was ideal, I could not even fathom marching up to Edward and saying,

"_Hey, remember me? I'm your wife, the one you screwed over who screwed you over in return. Now, how's about a divorce?_"

I sighed out loud, flopping down on the bed and staring at the sloping ceiling, discerning every dip and lilt in the pattern, muttering newer ideas under my breath.

"_Edward, how've you been? Seen Tanya recently?" _The spite was clear in my voice, and I tried a different approach.

"_So, how's hunting humans been? Oh, and can we divorce?" _Okay, so it wasn't easy- I knew that. But it seemed like my mouth was just spitting out my spite, letting it settle in the air around me until I was stifled by it.

"_Porqué __Eduardo, __Porqué__?" _I said in a thick Spanish accent, rolling onto my stomach and kicking my legs.

I was getting nowhere!

"Take this seriously, for God's sake Bella!" I chided myself.

"_Edward, I know we didn't leave this on good terms..."_ I tried out, picking absent-mindedly at the duvet.

"_Edward, let me get straight to the point. I think we should divorce." _I sighed heavily again, slapping my head. "You can't say that! That's horrible!"

"First sign of insanity, talking to yourself." A lilting velvet voice was at my door, and I didn't need to look at him to know he was smirking.

"_Hi, Edward...I was wondering if we could talk?_" Was the newest, and most successful so far. So, I tried it out.

I rolled back over and got up, facing him in the doorway.

"Hi Edward. I was wondering if we could talk?"


	24. Bad Habit

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Agh, I keep on forgetting to tell you guys that you NEED TO VOTE FOR AVARITIA'S SONG ON MY PROFILE :O At the moment, 'We Are Broken' by Paramore is winning. Go do my poll!

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_**ATTENTION!!!**_

_**Okay, lets get one thing straight. The next chapter is the lemon you've all been waiting for. And it's not written by me. It's written by the ever-amazing 'ecaniaga'. So I demand 30 reviews (or more) for the next chapter. Last chapter, I had 17 reviews... and 195 hits! And the one before that, 438 hits and only 21 reviews...throw me a bone please? You know guys, you could maybe encourage me a bit? And considering the next chapter is so fan-fricking-tastic, I am actually demanding reviews. I swear to God, unless I get that amount, there will be no chapter again. Ever. And boy you'll be missing out on some good stuff, especially that cracker of a next chapter!**_

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"Bella," he murmured, stepping in, his familiar scent flying through the air as he walked, saturating everything around him.

It was like he owned the room in that moment, owned me. His bronze hair, in its usual disarray, seemed more like copper, like a rusty flame in the dark. His skin, as pale as mine, lit up my room like a lamp. His eyes, rubies set in stone, were guarded, stern. I thought I felt a small fluttering in my vacant chest, an echo of what we used to have.

I could not forget it.

"I gathered you want us to have a divorce." He said tentatively, sitting opposite me on mine and Jasper's bed.

I scooted away a little. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's perfectly natural for someone who's in love with someone else to want to divorce someone they don't care for any more." His voice was shrouded by bitterness and I looked down to my jeans, picking at the stitches.

"I...I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to be the reason why you've gone out and destroyed yourself. Alice was right, I'm killing you. Killing you from the inside out."

"It's the truth." He said simply.

"Doesn't make it any better, does it?"

"No." He agreed.

"You're a truth I would rather lose." I quoted, running a hand through my unkempt hair.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You already have. I've changed."

For a moment, it looked like the red from his eyes was swimming, bleeding from his eyes. Then he blinked, and it was gone again.

He nodded. "Yes, you have. Every time I see you I expect you to be _my Bella_, clumsy and fragile and believing and naïve and human."

I was silent.

"But you're not. You're a strong vampire, who seems to hate me a whole lot – and I can't say I blame you – with her own ideas, a strong idea of what is right and wrong, who can look after herself. I could probably handle that just fine, but oh, Bella, I could handle all these changes if it weren't for one. You don't love me any more. I've grown to love the strong vampire I've been married to over the last forty years...and you not returning that love breaks me."

"Don't say that." I said stoically.

"I just did." He murmured, his usual air of sarcasm gone astray.

"You...you have to understand. I don't want to see you dying inside when you look at me. I feel like I'm stabbing you, over and over and over again. And our marriage is what's holding you to me, like a handcuff. So that I can get a better aim." He stared at me, breathing heavily with clouded eyes. His body was crumpling slowly, folding in on itself.

"_And remember this, Isabella Cullen. I will forgive you. I will forgive you for it. But he won't. You'll kill him."_

"_Who is he, Alice?"_

"_Edward, Bella! He is Edward." _

"I don't want to be a murderer." I said slowly. "I can't watch you coming back here every month or so, steeped in blood and falling apart from the insides.

Edward's posture had changed; he was erect and alert. And smouldering.

"I don't care, Bella. What you've done to me is worse than death."

"I'm sorry...I...I know how it feels. After all, you did it with Tanya." I found the bitterness again as I finished my sentence.

"Not that," he said resentfully. "I mean this," he explained, pointing to his eyes.

"Your new feeding habits?" I asked. How could I be to blame for that?

"I...abstained for so long, for you...I don't think you understand how much you mean to me Bella. I watched every breath leaving your body and returning, and I counted your heartbeats. I watched you live, I watched you sleep... I knew that I couldn't exist in a world where you didn't. And even when you started drifting from me, I still loved you. I still wanted to hold you every day, I still wanted to look inside your mind and understand what might go on underneath your skin...But I saw you didn't always want my presence. You wanted to spend time with Rose and Jasper, and when it came to me...at first...you were amazing. So amazing that it hurt me to hurt you, to lie."

I blinked slowly, absorbing.

"And then you remembered. And you and I had deteriorated so badly...that I could see it coming, beforehand. I knew you'd go to him. But even the first time...you wanted me afterwards. It was _me_ you were afraid of losing, _me. _It was always me you wanted. I held on to the hope as you screamed at me, knowing every thing you said was true, but once you calmed...you'd want me back. I distracted myself, staring at your eyes, at your mouth...everything I love about you. And so words came pouring out, and I couldn't keep them in. Every painful memory Jasper had endured, every ill-timed question you posed, all came out. Everything that hurt me."

"I...Edward..." My mouth moved around the words, but I couldn't express myself correctly.

"Then you called me a monster. Confirmed my worst fear. And I ran, watching you collapse. Knowing I was a monster...the worst thing ever in your eyes. Disgusting, terrible. But then again, hadn't Jasper fed from humans? And you loved him. Loved him more than me, because he'd changed his ways... And I came across a stray hiker, so delectable, so close. My teeth sunk into his skin like it was butter, and that crimson chocolate slipped down my throat, and I could see you. _Taste _you, like an echo of your change, like an echo of James' attack. I was...healing. I was _stopping_ you here, stopping you from living, stopping you from coming to school on the snowy day, stopping you from intriguing me, stopping you from falling in love and dragging me with you, and stopping you hurting me in the long run."

I felt hot tears running down my cheeks, and I felt the material of my shirt slowly burning away.

My fault.

My fault.

"And so, I began feeding on humans. The taste of their blood...reminds me of you. Over, and over, and over, and over again. Each body lying limp in my hands is what it would have been like, what it would have been like to stop all this _pain_... You might say it's self destructive, but you were the one who inspired it." He was on a roll, words pouring from his mouth in a flood, holding me still. "And then it started to scare me. Because every time I tasted the memory of your blood...I started wondering if I'd imagined it. All of it. You, me, our love...Jasper, Tanya. Everything. And so I came back."

I was silent for a while longer, and he reached his hand to my cheek, caressing it. "It's all your fault. All those lives, lost."

"Was that supposed to make you feel better?" He asked himself. "No. But you owe me now, Bella. Ruined my everything, and I still can't get away from you."

He leaned in to me, and frozen in place, I stared blankly at him.

His lips assaulted mine, stone against marble. His hands clutched wildly at my face, strong and sure. I stayed still. His hand travelled down my neck, holding me to him.

It was familiar.

"Get off me." I whispered.

He did. "You see, Bella? We were made for each other. You felt it, didn't you? The way we fit together? The way my hand slips in to place on your limbs? We're right together. Why should we ever break up? One day, you'll see I'm right. It'll be so soon."

"No." I said blankly. "No, that's not right."

"It is, Bella. You...I'm not dangerous. I'm what you want. I'm yours. Kiss me again. Forget about Jasper. Forget about everyone else, it's just you and me. In our room, like always."

"I love Jasper." I said slowly. "I don't love you."

"No, Bella. Forget about him. It's me," he pulled my face to his, so that I could look into his pleading red eyes. "It's me you want."

"I want you..." I blinked, pulling away. "To leave._ I want you to leave_."

He hissed in anger and fled; leaving me in a paralysed state, staring at the floorboards. I was such an idiot.

"_Cheat..."_ the walls whispered, mocking me. I fell back onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling, feeling the venom leaking from my eyes and burning through the sheets lightly.

Time passed without meaning. Slow voices slipped together, caught under my door. The sun came up, setting its light onto the ceiling. It went down. I smelt him, in the doorway. I smelt him walk away, I felt his anguish. I heard _him_, sitting next door, felt the smile on his face. I felt them all telling them to leave me alone. I heard sobs.

And then I woke up, in time to hear the only thing that was important.

"Bella?" Jasper's timid voice came from the doorway.

I sat up, frowning. 

_How would I tell him?_

_How would I tell him the disgusting deed that I'd done?  
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	25. You And Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Author's Note:**

**And also, I don't own this chapter! Eeek! Well, I own a few words here and there where things needed to fit into the plot, but otherwise, my very good friend whom I owe so very much to, _ecaniaga,_ wrote this chapter. I really can't express how grateful I am to her! You guys'll love this chapter – I know I did upon reading it!**

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**Enjoy the lemonade!**

**Thank you ALL for reviewing. I've replied to every one that has a FF account, and I'd like to thank the following for reviewing too:**

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**'i've read every chapter today'**

**Thank you all so much :D I hope you guys review again? **

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**Seeing as I've had someone ask me to warn you guys; IN CASE YOU DID NOT KNOW, a 'lemon' is a mature chapter, a chapter with sex in it. Which is what is in this chapter. Skip it if you'd like. Thanks again, ecaniaga**!

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"What do you want, Jasper?" I said slowly, turning my head towards the door.

"I hate seeing you like this, Bella, seeing you hurting…" I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt, and I held myself tighter.

"…I hate being so far away from you physically and emotionally." He closed the door behind him, and dropped to his knees in front of the bed, where I lay.

"Open up to me. Let me in."

His words sent a surge of calm through my spine and I knew immediately what I needed to be whole.

His love. _Our_ love. I needed him to make love to me.

But was it right? Could I take what I needed from him as comfort and still offer the love and adoration that he provided to me?

"Bella please," he whispered softly, his warm ocher eyes filled with a conflict and doubt which reflected my own. "Let me help you… I love you."  
Three small words. Just three tiny little words which had fallen from his lips a thousand times before. But in that moment, those three small words were all that mattered anymore.

He loved me. He _loved_ me and that was everything that I needed to know. There was no more Edward, no more Alice, no more unwanted intruders. There was just me and him.

Alone.

"Come closer," I said quietly, extending a pale white hand to his shrunken form.

His emotions swirled with a mixture of fear, doubt and love as he crawled to my position at the bed head, pressing his forehead against my own and breathing softly.

"I love you Jasper," I whispered slowly, accentuating each word with raw conviction. "I love you more than words can ever express and I need you to know that."

His mood soared once again into a familiar serenity and I found myself reveling in the emotions of the moment. This was what I'd been missing recently. The absent puzzle piece in my life; Want, need, comfort- The simplicity of love.

I watched with eager fervor as the tip of his tongue slipped between his lips and moistened the marble skin around them. My own emotions clouded with lust and I inclined my head closer, needing the feel of his lips against my own.

"You are my everything," he breathed against my lips, tantalizing the nerve endings and spurring my cravings further. "No matter what happens now, nothing will change how I feel about you. Not now, not ever."

It was as if he already knew.

I nodded rapidly and closed the distance between us quickly, grazing my lips slightly against his.

The kiss began as soft and chaste, familiarizing ourselves with the shape and feel of one another. However, innocence soon changed into passion and I found myself clutching at the roots of Jasper's hair in a fervent attempt to get closer him. His mouth moved hungrily against my own as he poured every buried emotion through our one connection, releasing them from his body and driving our desires on.  
We were so close now… but I still needed to be closer.

I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and moaned in relief when his mouth soon opened in acceptance. I could never quite fathom how Jasper tasted as divine as he did, but I found bliss in knowing that he was mine -and mine only- to taste. His tongue fought effortlessly with my own as his hands wandered seductively over my torso and hips, pushing me down against soft fabric of the mattress and matching every contour of his body against those of my own.

"I… need… you," I breathed out exasperatedly, pushing my hips against his pelvis in an effort to progress the action.  
He smiled against my lips and nipped lightly at my tongue, pulling me up-right so that I was straddling his hips. The combination of a delicious friction of his jeans together with the flood of lust that swam between the two of us, made me groan at the sensation and toss my head back in ecstasy.

"You're so beautiful…," he whispered in awe, kissing a trail from my collar bone, across my throat until finally kissing me once on my lips. "… And I can't believe that you're mine."

I caught the sob in my throat before it could give me away and attempted to convey my thanks with a watery smile instead. I _was_ his and he _was_ mine. I needed to believe that, after everything and anything that would happen, I needed to believe that it would always be true.  
Jasper's gaze tore from my eyes and strayed further down my body, drinking in the sight and pausing slightly to watch where my erratic breathing shook my chest. I smiled softly and pushed his loose, blond locks from his eyes, kissing him across the forehead and once on each eyelid.

There was no more haste or rush to our touch. Each stroke was a tender touch of love, each caress an action of dear devotion.  
I moved my hands towards the front of his stony chest and watched as each button scattered across the room with the flick of my fingers. With each button I eliminated, I grew closer and closer to achieving my goal of revealing the god beneath. After what seemed like an eternity, I tore the final button from the crisp white shirt and exposed the smooth white planes of Jasper's chest. As I stared into the eyes of the man I loved, my hands walked trails from his hips to his shoulders and pushed the thin white fabric aside.  
Jasper's eyes fluttered closed in ecstasy and his back arched in a delicious bridge, pushing his crotch against mine and making me slump against his stony stomach.

I could feel every muscle moving beneath his skin, but there was still too much separating us. There was too many clothes, too many barriers. As though reading mind, Jasper's hands sparked to life and began to work beneath my dress, bunching the fabric at my thighs and slowly pulling it over my head.

With every article of clothing we removed, I felt a new weight leave my shoulders. One by one, the garments were stripped from my body and one by one the emotions were stripped from my soul. Gone was the worry and regret. Gone was the guilt and crippling shame. I was finally in the place where I belonged; A place of love and purity.  
Lying in my lover's arms, I was bare. Stripped. Exposed. I was susceptible to everything I feared and loathed, but in that moment of perfect pre-love, I felt warm, happy…  
…I felt safe.

It seemed as though the very particles in the air surrounding us were tensed in utter anticipation. They hummed and swirled around us at a rapid pace, burning through the dome of love and lust and lighting tiny flickers of excitement.

Jasper made a slight swivel of his hips so that he was poised between my thighs, and we gasped together in desire as the object of his arousal brushed mine. I needed him, I needed him more than I had needed anything in my life.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" He whispered my name as though it were some holy chant and stroked my faced gently, drawing my eyes into his own.  
"I love you," He sighed contentedly, leaning more of his weight against my own. "I love you and that's all that matters. You need to remember that..."

I smiled softly as the tears fell wordlessly across my cheeks, burning small holes in the linen. He brought a hand to my face and wiped them quickly, kissing across the evidence of my pain and staring at me with sunken eyes.

I kissed him hard and looped my legs around his hips as he stifled his groan into my mouth. Not now, not here. This was a place of love. This _was_ love. I couldn't deal with my issues now, I wouldn't.

He released my mouth and I was about to protest, but he continued to work further south, kissing and sucking across my neck and chest. I smiled with relief. Jasper didn't push, he would let me be. Tonight, he would let me forget.

His head resurfaced slowly and I captured his lips in a passionate kiss, stroking his tongue with my own and aiming to express everything I wished his lower body would do. I watched as his head rolled in pleasure and his hips involuntarily jerked forward, pushing himself closer to my entrance.

He gave me one last fleeting glance of clouded lust, before pushing forward with eager ferocity and burying himself deep within me in one easy stroke.

A cry of pure ecstasy ripped from my mouth as the sensation of my fullness shuddered through my body. Every nerve, every cell vibrated in bliss as my own hips steadily began to rock forward, willing Jasper's thrusts to quicken.

"Please Jasper," I whimpered, burying my face against his skin. "Please, just show me that you love me.."

He gave a shaky nod of concurrence as he began to pump faster within me, never losing his pace but continuing to hit a spot deep inside me. I trembled in delight as the friction from his body grazed that tiny bundle of nerves and I gripped my body closer to him as his hands held our pelvis' in place.

"Isabella Cullen…" My name fell from his lips a thousand times as his thrusts became more frantic and uneven. Each time he pulled out was like a torturous punishment, but with each time he re-entered the thrusts grew harder and harder, a true feeling from heaven if there had ever been one before

The flame between our bodies grew hotter and hotter and the flames soon flickered and scolded my lower body…  
…But none of it mattered.  
…Because _nothing_ mattered anymore.

I was in the throws of passion and ecstasy, and nothing but the glorious god above me was worth any spare thought or musing. His face held the most glorious expression of arousal and I found myself growing more and more flustered with a mere glance upon his face.  
I could feel the pleasure growing stronger with each minute and I knew that any closing moment would bring about my release. I couldn't think, breathe or talk. With every slap between our bodies, my mind became more and more incoherent, unable to distinguish time, place or even purpose anymore.

One final thrust reached the tip of my womb and I found my body screaming in delight as the bliss burnt hotly from my face to my toes. The walls of my sex clamped stiffly around Jasper and he groaned out in elation as he too reached his pleasure, securing my hips tightly to his and breathing erratically as he head lay on my shoulder.

As the aftershock of our orgasms steadily shrank away, a peaceable silence settled over our forms, taking with it, the tension and strain that had built up.

I stroked the mess of blond hair that lay still against my chest and began to hum quietly as a broken tune entered my mind.  
In that moment I forgot who I was. I forgot who I am and I forgot who I was expected to be.

Because in that instant 'who I was' didn't matter anymore. Human, vampire, good, bad, queen, corrupter… None of it meant anything anymore. Not what I'd done, not what I'd do...it didn't matter.

Lying in Jasper's arms I was nothing and I was everything…

…Lying in his arms I was whole again.

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**HOW KICKASS WAS THAT?!**

**Shall we try for... 40+ reviews this time please ? :D Yes, I went there. It's not like I'm not going to update...but plenty of you read and didn't review. **

**Please; I'd like that to change. :)  
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	26. I'll Be There

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Well we didn't get 40+ reviews. It's a shame. But thank you all for reviewing – even if you leave one word, one LETTER it means something to me :D Okay guys, so here's the new chapter.** **Enjoy!**

_**We Are Broken by Paramore won the poll!**_

**Important author's note at the end, considering new stories :) **

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**As we lay in each other's arms, I decided that now might be the time to talk to Jasper about letting Edward kiss me.

"Jasper, did you mean what you said? When you said you'd always love me, no matter what?"

He stroked my exposed ribcage gently as he answered me. "Of course I meant it Bella. Even if your love for me ceases, I will never cease to love you – you should know that. Your face is what I see when I close my eyes; when your hand is in mine I feel invincible; and when we are one, I feel like I could conquer anything. You're my everything." He paused to kiss me tenderly, his hair brushing against my face as he leaned over me. "Are you going to tell me why you're feeling like that?"

"Feeling like what?" I asked, my head lolling onto his shoulder.

"Contentment...reassurance...guilt...doubt...worry...pain."

"I've done something very bad Jasper." I said slowly. He understood my new seriousness instantly, and his face cleared as he prepared to listen.

I took my time to study his features in order to calm myself before explaining. The shadows under his eyes were dark again, and his eyes darker too. He needed to hunt, and so did I. We were both tired.

His golden mess of hair was ruffled – sticking out aimlessly. I smiled; the calamity of his hair and his serious expression did not mix. But his face was always a favourite of mine – whether it was serious, happy, loving.

The planes of his chest were pale like mine – a snow white expanse I might have my way with. I saw past the crescent moons that marred his skin now, raised in some places where he had been bitten harder than others. I smiled ruefully as I spotted my favourite scar- raised above the rest through being bitten and re-bitten over and over again. My favourite and his, as it was inflicted by me.

His scars did not bother him much any longer, I knew that as well as he did. His scars were like trophies- they showed the battles through which he had gone, and all of which he had won. He claimed my scar proved he always won when it came to me.

And when his torso ended, I relished it most.

"Bella," he laughed, tugging me away from my observations. "You're staring again love."

"Oh, shh you!" I giggled.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked again, rubbing circles into my arm softly.

"I...er..."

"Can you show me?" He asked tentatively.

While I had the power to show him, he knew that I disliked using it. It made me feel...powerless.

"I can show you." I was determined.

"_I gathered you want us to have a divorce." _

"_I...I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to be the reason why you've gone out and destroyed yourself. Alice was right, I'm killing you. Killing you from the inside out."_

"_I could probably handle that just fine, but oh, Bella, I could handle all these changes if it weren't for one. You don't love me any more. I've grown to love the strong vampire I've been married to over the last forty years...and you not returning that love breaks me."_

"_You...you have to understand. I don't want to see you dying inside when you look at me. I feel like I'm stabbing you, over and over and over again. And our marriage is what's holding you to me, like a handcuff. So that I can get a better aim." _

"_I...abstained for so long, for you...I don't think you understand how much you mean to me Bella. I watched every breath leaving your body and returning, and I counted your heartbeats. I watched you live, I watched you sleep... I knew that I couldn't exist in a world where you didn't. And even when you started drifting from me, I still loved you. I still wanted to hold you every day, I still wanted to look inside your mind and understand what might go on underneath your skin...But I saw you didn't always want my presence. You wanted to spend time with Rose and Jasper, and when it came to me...at first...you were amazing. So amazing that it hurt me to hurt you, to lie."_

"_And then you remembered. And you and I had deteriorated so badly...that I could see it coming, beforehand. I knew you'd go to him. But even the first time...you wanted me afterwards. It was me you were afraid of losing, me. It was always me you wanted. I held on to the hope as you screamed at me, knowing every thing you said was true, but once you calmed...you'd want me back. I distracted myself, staring at your eyes, at your mouth...everything I love about you. And so words came pouring out, and I couldn't keep them in. Every painful memory Jasper had endured, every ill-timed question you posed, all came out. Everything that hurt me."_

"_And so, I began feeding on humans. The taste of their blood...reminds me of you. Over, and over, and over, and over again. Each body lying limp in my hands is what it would have been like, what it would have been like to stop all this pain... You might say it's self destructive, but you were the one who inspired it." He was on a roll, words pouring from his mouth in a flood, holding me still. "And then it started to scare me. Because every time I tasted the memory of your blood...I started wondering if I'd imagined it. All of it. You, me, our love...Jasper, Tanya. Everything. And so I came back."_

"_It's all your fault. All those lives, lost."_

"_Get off me." _

"_You see, Bella? We were made for each other. You felt it, didn't you? The way we fit together? The way my hand slips in to place on your limbs? We're right together. Why should we ever break up? One day, you'll see I'm right. It'll be so soon."_

"_No, that's not right."_

"_It is, Bella. You...I'm not dangerous. I'm what you want. I'm yours. Kiss me again. Forget about Jasper. Forget about everyone else, it's just you and me. In our room, like always."_

"_I love Jasper."_

"_No, Bella. Forget about him. It's me you want."_

"_I want you...To leave. I want you to leave."_

The images and the sounds and the feelings swirled around us in an erratic dance routine. All so abruptly, it stopped and I was staring at my Jasper again. A Jasper who looked angry.

"I'm sorry." I clutched at him; he was beginning to make me a little testy with his anger and I did not want it to spread through the house.

"No, it's not your fault." He said, touching my face gently but not seeing me.

"Please don't be angry, I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't want it to..." I rambled on, staring at his eyes growing steadily blacker.

"I know it's not your fault, I'm not angry at you." He said, sounding definitely angry, and contradictory. He wasn't seeing things correctly.

"You sound angry..."

"I'm not angry at you." He repeated. "I'm angry at that...evil, _evil_ monster downstairs." He'd stood up by now, and was pacing the room at a speed that would make a human dizzy. He began pulling on his clothes.

"Jasper," I said, hoping to shock him out of it. "Jasper?"

He bolted for the door, and was downstairs before I'd even realised. I sped downstairs after him, practically flying with my speed.

He was talking angrily with Carlisle.

"Where the hell is he?"

"Will you tell me what's wrong Jasper?" Carlisle said, sounding irked. I tried to control the situation; Jasper's power was making us all angry.

"Just tell me where that no good excuse for a man is!"

"He's gone hunting!" Carlisle said, sounding _afraid_ now. I didn't think any of us had seen him like this.

"Come on, Jasper!" Esme said exasperatedly. "You're completely ignoring Al-"

"Where exactly has he gone, Esme?" Jasper shouted, rounding on her. "He has to pay for what he's done!"

"Calm down!" Alice pleaded.

"Jasper!" I pleaded. "Stop it, for goodness' sake! It wasn't meant to happen!"

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Alice squeaked.

"WHERE IS HE?" Jasper roared, and the windows smashed.

"Outside," Rosalie snapped. "He's outside."

I took no notice of anything else than the whirl-wind that was Jasper, and I flung myself out of the door after him.

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**Well then, I guess it's time for that awesome author's note. I've been toying with the idea of a few new stories for a while, and starting one now was an idea that appealed to me!**

**So, here are the stories you can choose from; go vote in the poll!**

_**Just Like Heaven**_

**AU, all human; Bella travels to the big city, hoping to make a better life for herself. But the start is all rough going – shady friends, late nights and danger. What happens when she meets a mysterious character in the form of Edward Cullen?**

_**On Frail Wings Of Vanity and Wax**_

**OOC. Set during New Moon; Bella turns to the darkness in life to get her through her loss. Rated M for substance abuse, foul language, lemons, cutting, rape in later chapters... **

_**Silent Angel**_

**OOC. Set during New Moon; Bella takes her anger out on herself when Edward leaves, and it's not long until Victoria finds her. Of course, the Volturi have something to say about it...**

_**Heart Shaped Bruises.**_

**AU, All human; Twilight vs. The Boyfriend List. Bella loses all of her friends and her boyfriend all in one go. When Dr Z, her new therapist, suggests she writes a boyfriend list, what are the odds it'll turn out for the worst? **


	27. Odds

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Finally, a fight scene. The first of rather a few I have planned for Superbia.**

**Honestly, I'm really upset with the amount of feedback from last chapter, and if it weren't for my wish to share this with you, I would not have posted it.**

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_I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse  
But the stress is astounding  
It's now or never she's coming home  
Forever_

The first time I had seen Edward and Jasper fighting was a _long_ while ago. But nothing had changed. They were still at the same level in skill; evenly matched through expertise and mind power.

"Jasper, we can settle this without a fight," Edward smirked, leaning casually against a tree.

"You disgusting excuse for a man!" Jasper growled, advancing towards him. "How dare you take advantage of her like that!"

Edward simply spun away from the tree, opposite where Jasper had been, and leant against another tree that occupied the clearing. "Jasper, just calm down. We both know I would never take advantage of Bella." He paused. "She responded willingly."

"I didn't!" I cried out; I felt a slender hand cover my mouth.

"Don't _lie_," Jasper growled, lunging for him again. "Why did you have to come back, and ruin everything for her!"

Edward laughed maliciously, and I closed my eyes, listening to the rustling of the leaves and the wind whipping my hair around my face in a flurry. "Jasper, don't fool yourself," he whispered. "You know she loves me."

"You're the one fooling yourself," Jasper grunted. "Can't you accept she's moved on?"

"But she hasn't, Jazz." Edward moved out of the way instantly, continuing with his playful tone. "Didn't yesterday prove that to you?"

"You manipulated her, Edward. Yesterday, years ago, even now! Over and over and over again!" Jasper was growing steadily angrier, and I longed to stop this fight before it started. The trees around us were flailing in the wind, their leaves falling more and more with each gust.

"I manipulated her then to keep her away from a relationship she didn't want, to keep her away from you! She's never wanted you Jasper, she's always come running back to me."

The ground rumbled.

"How dare you." Jasper hissed, standing completely still in shock.

"You'd have been happier without her, too." Edward said matter-of-factly, leaning against the tree in a casual façade, but his body tensed to spring. "I only did it because I love her, because I love both of you and I know we're all better off with who we're meant to be with."

"And deprive her of her memory, of whom she wanted? Even now?" Jasper asked, truly curious. And disgusted.

"Yes." Edward answered simply.

Jasper's anger fired up again suddenly, and it took all that was in me to push down the spikes of colour from his aura, the waves of raw anger and the onslaught of mental hatred that came from him. "Why would you do that to her? If you _loved _her, if you still love her, why would you do it?!"

Jasper's last lunge was quick, efficient. He slammed into Edward with the force of a steam roller, and the tree broke like a twig underneath them, sending them sprawling out over the ground.

I made a muffled cry of distress, but the hand over my mouth stayed firm. The family wouldn't interfere in their fight. It was not the family's fight- the boys had to work it out themselves.

Edward and Jasper were both up again, crouched low like animals. Their nails dug into the soil beneath them, and I watched Jasper's legs tense, ready to spring.

Jasper roared, lunging at Edward and bringing him down instantly. They were crouched low, and Jasper's hands clawed at Edward's neck and shoulders, tearing large gashes in his granite skin.

He let out a howl of pain and my knees buckled slightly with the realisation that one of them could _die_ here.

Jasper retreated a little, flipping backwards in the air and defying gravity for a split second. Edward took advantage of this second to flip himself over on the ground, letting out a low hiss of pain as the motion jostled his torn flesh.

I had never imagined the insides of a vampire to look like that. The flesh was almost human, but such a pale pink that it was almost translucent. Small streams of blood ran through the milky flesh, and clotted together at the cuts.

Edward charged at Jasper headlong, who was staring at him unseeing, seething with blood-lust. Edward's teeth went straight for his leg, but Jasper kicked him out at the last minute, Jasper's foot connected with his stomach in the sound of boulders colliding, and Edward was launched fifty feet into the air.

Edward spent no time on the floor; he looked more awkward now, in pain, but he got up and rushed towards Jasper again. He clawed at Jasper who jumped lithely out of the way, and I became aware of my breathing reaching hyperventilation, matching the fast paced fight.

I knew that as Edward was stronger, the damage he did would be worse. And my breath flew from my lungs as I saw Jasper being flipped over in the air by Edward, who had a firm and dangerous hold on Jasper's left arm. There was a low rumble in his chest.

He had the upper hand, and not even the added pun could make me laugh. I was terrified for Jasper's life, terrified for my own. He was connected to me whether he liked it or not, and should he die, I would follow soon after.

Jasper punched Edward's head back with such force that I wondered at the fact that it returned – even though it did so awkwardly, almost robotically.

Edward had released Jasper's arm with the force of Jasper's punch, and now the two were circling each other again. Jasper lunged at the same time as Edward, and they met in mid air, Jasper's teeth tearing into Edward's shoulder. A strangled cry came from his mouth and my eyes widened.

It almost felt surreal – the fact that my love and husband were fighting in front of me, and all I could do was watch helplessly while they began to tear each other apart.

I wondered whose body parts I would be collecting.

Though my musing had only taken the sixteenth of a second, it had taken exactly the same amount of time for Edward to spin his leg around in his agony, and kick Jasper from the back...thus sending him head first over Edward's head.

Jasper garbled out a pain filled cry and I let the sob settle in my throat. He was sprawled on the floor, flexing his back. He was in agony. Suddenly I saw what my life would be without this man.

Utterly worthless.

Edward however, did not hear my realisation. Not one person in the clearing did. And so he lunged forward, scraping his bone coloured claws along Jasper's back, and biting viciously into his arm. I screamed through the dainty hand, and jerked forward to stop Edward from tearing my love's limb from his torso.

I felt hands restraining me, but the hand had left my mouth free to scream for all I was worth.

"Edward, no, please! Please Edward, don't!" He would never agree to my pleading, but it had distracted him long enough for me to scream, "JASPER!" while he scrambled up and sent a sickening kick to Edward's head.

Edward lay on the floor, disorientated and groaning. Jasper advanced towards him, and I knew what was coming next, as much as I did not want it to come.

"Jasper," I whispered, knowing he'd hear me. "Don't do this. Please."

And unlike Edward, unlike every one else who was completely driven by anger, revenge and blood-lust, Jasper stopped. He stopped, and looked at me with pain filled eyes, swimming with love for me.

And he didn't do it.

He came running to me, grabbing me from the arms of the family, and held me tighter than he'd ever held me, him whimpering from the pain of his injuries, me whimpering from terror, terror from the thought of coming so close to his loss.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," I sobbed. He let me go gently, and then, strength sapped, collapsed to the ground at my feet. I followed.

"Jasper? Jasper, baby, what's wrong?" I asked, tears marring my vision.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "He's tired, he'll be fine, just leave him a moment. He'll be fine after he hunts."

I nodded, not answering. I tried to focus on his beautiful face, swimming in front of me. He smiled weakly and I let a sob escape me.

"Don't cry, beautiful." He murmured, his eyelids flickering. I lifted him up a little from the floor, and held him tightly in my arms so that he could rest on me.

Then I heard the sigh that announced Edward's awakening.

The smirk on his face seemed to paralyse me more than the vicious fight had, and I clutched at Jasper's fast healing arm in terror. My gaze glued to his cold eyes and I resisted the urge to rush backwards in fear.

"For God's sake, Edward. Just leave. Just leave us well alone." I pleaded, holding Jasper tight.

"There's something binding us, Bella." He said, voice stiff with pain. "When I come back, it will be the last time. For both of us." He loped off, clutching his shoulder.

I looked up at Jasper, whose eyes were tight.

"Are you okay love?" I asked desperately, eyeing the stinging bite on his pale skin, another to match the rest.

"You're here angel." He said quietly. "Of course I'm alright."


	28. Home

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. BUT WAIT! Actually, I own Flynn! HURRAH!**

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_I__ had thought of rose petals most perfectly pure  
Then I thought of your petals  
And the abuse they've been through _

Emmett carried Jasper in to the house – his strong arms and height were more helpful to keep Jasper level and thus take the pressure away from his aching body.

Rose took my hand and led me to the house after Jasper. There was so much happening around me, but I was focused on only one thing. Emmett's large and steady body **(1)**, carrying Jasper into the house.

Carlisle had already set up a cot in the living room, and I felt suddenly as though I was in a hospital. Emmett laid Jasper down on the cot and he groaned as his back made contact with the soft mattress.

Rose squeezed my hand.

"Emmett, go and fetch him something to drink from," Carlisle said quickly as he looked worriedly at Jasper. "It's best to have it larger rather than smaller."

Emmett nodded and sped from the door, letting me have my first real look at the person who'd blended into the background every time I'd seen her, as I was so used to her presence.

"Alice?" I gasped.

"Took you long enough," she giggled, prancing forward and hugging me.

"I'm sorry! I was preoccupied," I let my eyes wander back to Jasper as she let me go, and I bent low to his cot.

"Hear that, honey? Alice is here, with Flynn."

He mumbled something that sounded like, "Hey Al," and then he was still again.

"Don't worry Bella, he'll be fine."

_Lie._

"Alice, please." I said, hearing the announcement go off inside my head.

"Okay," she whispered conspiratorially. "It's kind of a haze – I think as long as he rests and drinks soon, he should be fine."

"And if he doesn't?"

"How have you been, Bella?" Alice changed the subject quickly with her question, and I found myself being dragged off in that direction despite my worry.

"I've been pretty good," I smiled. "Jasper and I have been fine, of course nothing's been perfect..."

"The Romanian man," Alice said quietly. "He keeps on changing his mind, unable to decide whether to come back or not. That's why we came back."

The look Alice gave Flynn was tender- I saw it when Rose looked at Emmett, when Esme looked at Carlisle, and when I looked at Jasper.

It made me happy.

"And of course, to see you." Flynn added quietly after her.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I've missed you Al, and I want to get to know you Flynn."

"We'll talk later," Alice assured me. "Go and stay with him, I know you're frantic just this far away from him."

I smiled thankfully and turned back to Jasper's cot, holding his hand in mine.

"It's okay, honey. Emmett's coming with a drink now, you'll be fine soon, it'll all be fine."

He opened his eyes, and laughed weakly. "I know that Bella, but you need to start believing your own words a little more."

He was quiet then, his dark eyes sliding shut and leaving me smiling just as weakly as he did; a kitten now, not a lion like he had been during the fight.

"Bella," Rose approached me. "Can you tell us _why_ you were fighting? Because we don't really understand." She shot a quick glance at Esme, letting me know the score.

I obliged.

"Edward...kissed me. He was saying some unfair things...he wasn't..."

My words didn't make enough sense, and Jasper tried to explain more thoroughly.

"He assaulted her. He threw himself at her, and when she rejected him, he used petty mind games to convince her that she loved him, and that everything would be okay if they got back together. He manipulated her thoroughly." Jasper's voice had become a whisper by the time he'd finished.

"It wasn't exactly like that..." I said weakly.

"It was _exactly_ like that." Alice said surely. "I saw it all."

"But...Edward...he wouldn't..." Esme denied.

"I'm sorry, but he did. He tried playing mind games with her, and when she resisted, he cranked it up a notch." Alice said, clutching Flynn's arm.

"I told you Esme, did I not?" Rose said accusingly.

"I know, I know...I just thought it was different, I thought it would be like last time..."

"Last time?" Flynn asked timidly, unsure of previous events, being a newcomer to the family.

"I'm sorry Flynn," Carlisle said, ready to take over his role for the family. "We're being inconsiderate by not explaining. Please listen."

There really was no need for Carlisle to have asked – even those of us who knew the story, some more intimately than others, were listening.

"A few years into Edward's new life as a vampire, he decided to rebel against the vegetarian lifestyle I'd suggested for him. He...understood why I chose that lifestyle, and he understood why it was better for both of us, better for humans too. And so, he rebelled against the lifestyle, drinking from humans."

"He always made sure they were bad people though," Esme said quickly. "People who intended to cause others harm. He'd never hurt an innocent person."

A weak scoff came from Jasper's direction; I stroked his head. Esme sobbed a little, and I felt Jasper's guilt before he apologized. "I'm sorry, Esme."

"No matter, Jasper." She placated him shakily.

"Later on, he came back to Esme and I," Carlisle began again, successfully ending the short silence that had appeared after Jasper's outburst. "He wished to return to our way – the guilt he felt was too much. We understood that he just needed to choose his own way, and that he would always come back. So...this time, we automatically thought that..."

"We thought he was just rebelling again because of Bella, we thought he'd be fine again sooner and he'd start feeding from animals again. I ignored the fact that he seemed to have changed _drastically_ -even more so than when he left us for Brazil, or when we saw him in Italy with Bella, there was some kind of _darkness_ in him, something I really didn't understand. And I could see it again, when he came, but I just thought he was just adjusting. I thought he would be okay."

Emmett paused by the doorway, holding the deer's carcass in one hand.

"Go ahead." Esme gestured to Jasper and I stepped behind him to hold him upright in order to drink.

Emmett had clearly snapped the deer's neck violently; it hung limp in his arms, head askew. I shut my eyes and tried _not_ to hear Jasper sucking at it.

When Jasper was finished, Emmett left again in order to dispose of the body, and Jasper looked more revived.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, as I leaned down to kiss him. "That must have scared you."

"A lot." I agreed, laughing.

He slumped back down onto the cot, but kept a hold of my hand. I was glad that Emmett would be back soon; I'd have to ask him to get something else for Jasper. One deer had obviously not been enough.

"Emmett," Rosalie murmured, knowing he'd hear her. "Can you get Jasper some more, I don't think he's well, yet."

"Sure," Emmett's voice was as clear as a bell, as was the sound of the leaves rustling when he sped off.

I followed Jasper's lead, slumping down on the floor next to his cot, and letting my hand reach up to hold his.

I always felt so weak when it came to Edward. He had some kind of inexplicable control over me; everything I held in my arsenal just became utterly irrelevant. It wasn't in his strength or powers that he trumped me- this was completely emotional.

I still didn't know why I couldn't stand up to him.

"Bella," Esme walked to my side at a pace slower than that of a human. "My daughter...I'm so sorry. I should have protected you, I should have been like a mother is _meant_ to be. And I'm sorry to say that I thought with all of the power you posses that I should let you be, that I should let you protect yourself in the way it was obvious you could.

"I knew he wasn't..._right_, any more. And I guess, somewhere inside me, I knew that he'd never be right again. I just wanted to believe he'd be okay again. Last time, last time he changed his mind. And last time everything went back to normal...it took me until now to realise this wasn't like last time and it would never be like last time.

"I knew he'd want you back, and I knew he'd use any means to get you. Watching him...change over the years, I knew what he was capable of. All those years when he lied to you, and shouted at us, told us we could never tell you, and all those years I watched Jasper pining for you, tearing himself apart...and tearing Alice apart too. Our family was splintering, and I should have done something then.

"But I resented you. I'm so sorry that I did. But...you came, and you took away the old Edward, the recluse, and I got used to that. We all did. And we grew to love you like our own. And he pulled you though Hell and back, like you did to him. And I just, I just blamed you for breaking up my family...because I didn't want to find a real reason, a real reason to accept that things changed because of you...Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry...I...I just let him come home, red eyed and strange, and I let him go up to you, and I let him tear you apart just like last time." She was shaking now, shuddering from the force of the grief she held. She could never cry.

"I'm a terrible person," she sobbed, bowing her head.

"No, no, Esme. You're not. You're my mother, and I love you so much. I don't need to tell you I forgive you, there's nothing to forgive." I sobbed, holding onto her with my one arm.

Alice strode forward with Rose, and they ducked to the floor next to us, holding all of us in a hug. I felt safe.

Flynn and Carlisle were smiling weakly, letting us alone. We needed this. I needed this, I needed the reassurance that Jasper would be okay, and I would be okay, and I'd never feel like that again, I'd never feel like the abomination that I was.

Jasper gave my hand a squeeze.

I was safe.

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**(1) - You guys have no idea how much I wanted to make Bella over-study Emmett right then, and in a FANTASTIC twist, turn this into a Bella-Emmett story XD**

**Also, this is the first of two updates. I know Christmas is one of those times you like to spend with family, so I thought I'd give you guys a present to receive AFTER your other presents – a chapter today and tomorrow. Enjoy. And I think you guys know what presents I'd like? I don't care how late they are! :)**

**I KID YOU NOT: I HAVE MADE A VIDEO FOR LUXURIA. GO, GO, GO, ONTO MY PROFILE, AND WATCH IT AND RATE IT AND FAVE IT! **


	29. Sahara

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_it's not a cry that you hear at night  
it's not somebody who's seen the light  
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah _

We stayed like that until Emmett returned, holding another deer for Jasper to drink from.

"I brought a few extra," he said quietly, unlike himself. "Just in case."

"Thanks," Jasper murmured, and I turned away again so as not to watch. It was hard seeing Jasper so fragile, so much like a foal on its first legs. Jasper was usually the one who held his kill for _me_, not Emmett for him.

Which reminded me that I was thirsty.

I'd been avoiding my thirst for a while, letting the burning travel to the back of my mind, and focusing on my problems, or even my Christmas list for the upcoming year. Anything to get my mind away from the burning thirst. And now my eyes were black, completely giving me away.

I swallowed, hoping to stop the dry crackle consuming me. The scent of blood was in the air, and I knew it was affecting everyone, but not as much as me. I began twisting my feet in circles, trying to think of something else.

Then I felt Emmett's firm hand on my shoulder. "Maybe you could help me with this, Bella?" He indicated the door, and I swallowed nervously.

I complied, kissing Jasper's hand, trying to resist the urge to lick the blood from the corners of his mouth.

Emmett and I ran a fair distance from the house, and he placed the drained deer on the ground.

"For Pete's sake, Bella, will you stop trying to starve yourself?" He growled. It wasn't angry, more distressed.

As he uprooted the tree in order to place the drained deer under it, I glimpsed another carcass under it, letting the aroma of blood waft into the air.

"I'm so thirsty, Em." I gasped, clutching at my throat.

Emmett placed the tree firmly back into place, and turned to me, gathering me up in his arms. "Oh, silly Jelly Belly, what are we going to do with you?"

"Get me something to drink?" I suggested, weakly attempting a joke.

He laughed. "I've saved you the trouble, this time."

A few trees away, Emmett had uprooted another tree, where a lifeless deer lay, ready to be drained.

"Thank you so much," I coughed out, letting my teeth sink into the corpse without a thought.

The relief was instantaneous. It was like I'd been walking in the Sahara for so long that the grains of sand had becoming lodged in my throat, coating it, and now I was drinking the water that washed it away, leaving my throat soft and clean, instead of gritty.

I collapsed backwards once I was done, letting my head fall into the long blades of grass. I kept my eyes closed, relishing the break in the burning, before the dull ache returned. I was still thirsty, undeniably so.

I got up again, running my hand through my tresses.

"You're still thirsty, Shorty?" Emmett asked rhetorically. "This is what happens when you leave hunting for too long. How long has it been since the last time?"

"The start of the month." I whispered.

"Oh, Bella." Emmett shook his head. "The start of the month as in...?"

"The end of January." I said, ashamed.

"BELLA!" Emmett boomed. "That's...ages ago! More than three weeks!"

"I know," I mumbled, holding onto my throat.

"How the hell did you get that 'round Jazz?" He asked, genuinely impressed.

"I told him I went hunting with you, when in reality I just sat in the forest for twenty minutes."

Emmett groaned. "Bell-aaa! Why can't you just be normal, huh? You've been starving yourself for over three weeks, hiding things from your husband...how hungry have you been?"

"Starving. I didn't want to go out, just in case I magically found a taste for human blood. But I didn't want to let Jasper down by telling him I was unable to hunt." I rubbed at my stinging eyes.

"Oh Bell, you're so dumb. This...you shouldn't let your emotions hold you when you hunt. Shall I try and teach you to do it right? We'll hunt now, and then you can go back to Jasper?"

"Emmett...you're too good to me." I smiled, accepting his offer.

"Apparently, I'm not good enough – Rosie thinks I should've clubbed Edward over the head before he got within a meter's distance of you." Emmett chuckled, and I laughed too. "Okay, tune into my head, Belly. You'll have to copy what I'm thinking."

"Okay, I'll try." I said, trying to be confident.

Emmett ran forward again, opening his senses until he found the deer he knew I preferred. He was such a thoughtful guy.

Emmett was my big brother in many ways. When Rose and I went shopping, he'd drive over to wherever we were in his Jeep to carry our bags, letting Jasper carry on with his work – he did our accounting and less legal affairs.

When I found that I was too short to reach something from the top shelf, he'd grab it for me – and of course, tease me afterwards, seeing as he needed to balance it out.

He was a listener when I needed to talk, and he was a teacher when I needed a teacher. He was a friend when I needed a friend, and he was a protector if I needed a protector.

My attention was recaptured when we caught sight of the deer. Emmett was in complete predator mode, his limbs looked wild and uncontrollable as he raced towards them, and pounced.

I took on his mindset, closed my eyes and followed the hot blood, until I found a furry object in my arms. I opened my eyes, snapped its neck and drank. The burning in my throat ceased instantly, and I slumped down with the deer in my arms.

"You did it, Bella! That's my lil' sis!" Emmett crowed, picking me up.

"Yeah, I guess I did." I said, staring at the blood all over my hands, smelt the blood all over my face and down my neck...

"But you look like a horror movie." He said, matter-of-factly.

"Thanks, Em. But I am a vampire, it's fitting..." We joked on the way home, while I climbed up the tree to get onto mine and Jasper's floor, where I slid gracefully in through the window.

"Thanks, Em!" I whispered, giving him a crimson thumbs up.

"No problemo, Bella." He smiled, walking through the door.

As I stripped off in the bathroom, I heard Jasper asking Emmett, weakly, downstairs, "Where's Bella?"

"Showering, she got a little dirty when she went hunting."

"Okay..." His voice trailed off weakly, and I turned the shower on quickly, guilty that I was leaving him in his time of need.

The shower was warm against my skin – even the coldest water felt hot. But I turned it until it was like fire running over me. I rubbed furiously at my face and my hands, watching the water run down the drain in pink rivulets.

I took some time to worry.

Jasper seemed to be getting better, and I was trying to reassure myself that he'd be fine, but something was telling me that...he wouldn't be. Maybe he'd be weak like this forever. Maybe I'd have to look at him and realise that I'd broken him physically and emotionally. Maybe I would lose him.

Having Alice back was nice, and...stressful, at the same time. I had always been able to talk to Alice, we had always been friends. And unlike the others, she didn't treat me like I was Edward's girlfriend when I first showed up, she treated me like her best friend and like her sister.

In that way, it was lovely to have her back. I spoke to Rose too, but not like I could speak to Alice. Rose was so worried about her world falling apart that she refused to entertain the notions out loud, but with Alice, I could share my worries, I could share my fears. And Alice would check the future, and warn me, or reassure me that nothing of that sort would happen. Alice had always been my safety net.

Then I hurt her beyond belief...and that was the stressful part. Of course, she had Flynn now, and she'd told me that she would forgive me... but she would still have to watch Jasper and I together. Should I stay away from Jasper while she was here? What if she was here to stay? Of course, I'd love that, but...never being close to Jasper while she was in the vicinity...I wouldn't be able to do it.

I hoped that, maybe, just maybe, she'd understand. Maybe she was like that with Flynn, maybe she'd made her peace with mine and Jasper's relationship while she was away...

I turned the shower off with a sigh, and stepped out. I towelled myself quickly and threw on a pair of old boyfriend jeans and one of Jasper's pullovers from our vast wardrobe.

When I got downstairs, Jasper looked a little more lively, lying on the couch instead of on the cot, which had disappeared - I assumed Carlisle had taken it back to storage.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice croaky, but still ten times more beautiful than any human voice I'd ever heard.

"Sorry I had to leave you, I needed to get cleaned up." I apologized, sitting on the couch next to him.

"No problem," he struggled to get up, and then laid his head in my lap. "You smell lovely."

"Thank you honey," I murmured, matching his tone. I stroked my hands through his blond hair.

"It's nice to smell you on my clothes," he said, indicating my pullover.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "You know how much I love this one."

He nodded infinitesimally, then closed his eyes.

"Well done." I looked up, and saw Alice, her head on Flynn's chest, looking at me with warm eyes. "You needed it."

I knew she was talking about the hunting, and I nodded my agreement. Emmett held Rosalie tight, Carlisle held Esme's hands in his against his chest, and I continued to run my hands through Jasper's hair.

Alice sniffed a little, her mouth setting in an emotional smile. "It's so good to be home."

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**I'm hoping the lack of reviews last chapter were because everyone's busy with family and are going to review both chapters when Christmas is over? **

**This is the second of two updates. I know Christmas is one of those times you like to spend with family and you might not read this until after Christmas, so I thought I'd give you guys a present to receive AFTER your other presents – a chapter yesterday and today. And I think you guys know what presents I'd like? I don't care how late they are! **


	30. Sanity

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Hope you all had a good holidays& new year!**

**Thank you all for my Christmas gifts! I enjoyed them only slightly less than my new camera! ;) Actually, I enjoyed them equally. I really cannot express how happy – though that seems like such a simple word to describe such a complex feeling – I am every time I realise that my stories actually do give everyone some kind of enjoyment. I really am grateful to those of you who express that to me. Here's a long chapter for you, that I really enjoyed writing!**

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**_Questions:_ **

**Just out of curiosity, what song would you guys like, out of these two, for Avaritia's video?**

**We Are Broken – Paramore**

**Running Up That Hill – Placebo**

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_**Reviews: **_

**EISLADY – Yes, I am continuing it! I'm very glad you're enjoying, even if your English isn't that good! Thank you!**

**KATIE – Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm sorry I couldn't reply in any other way, but you didn't leave an email.**

**'NIAROCKSMYSOCKS' – I'm sorry, you didn't leave any kind of name other than that, nor an email, so I couldn't email you to let you know that the chapter was up, sorry! Please, if you're reading this, leave me an email through mine, which is on my profile. I'm glad you like the story, and thank you for reviewing!**

**FRANZI – Your review was perfect, that 'B' you got in your last should've been an 'A'! I think it's very cute that your sister is now nicknamed Jelly Belly, and I'm so glad you're enjoying the stories, even if not the pairing. Thank you!**

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_**Announcements:**_

**Quick than-q to the wonderful Tamza, who made me an 'advertisement' if you will, or even a 'cover' for The Deadly Sins Trilogy! She's rather amazing, isn't she? Go and have a look on my fanfiction website. And if you guys feel the need to make your own, I won't object... ;)**

**I have some news about the amount of chapters. I know my other stories in the series have been 29 chapters and an epilogue...Of course, this is obviously not the end of the series- how could I end it with an Alice chapter (however long and awesome it may be)? But I've worked out how long this story will be, and I hope you're all pleased with my calculations. There will be 60 chapters in total, including the ones already uploaded and the epilogue. **

**There'll be another announcement at the end of the chapter that I'm excited about, but for now, enjoy the chapter!**

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"Think I should go upstairs now...rest a bit..." Jasper's voice was quiet, below a whisper.

Carlisle nodded. "I was just about to suggest that. Emmett?"

"It's okay, I think I can do it." Jasper laughed weakly as Emmett walked over to him, trying to make his fatigue look like nothing. I held his hand as he swung his legs over the side of the sofa, and stood shakily. He paused as if to test himself, then nodded. "I'll be fine."

I held his hand as we walked slowly up the stairs. Once we got to our room, he looked more exhausted than ever, and I bit my tongue in worry. I helped him down onto the bed and he sighed, resting his head against the black and silver covers.

"Shall I stay?" I asked quietly, stroking his hair away from his forehead. I spoke in a whisper without even realising it – he seemed so fragile that my words might even break him.

"No, love." He whispered back, leaning into my touch. "I'll be too distracted if you're here. You go and say hello to Alice, she probably wants to speak to you."

I nodded, and kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

Alice was waiting downstairs for me, wrapped in Flynn's embrace.

"Can we talk, Al?" Alice said to me. I frowned- I was about to say the same thing. "Yes, Bella, we can talk." She continued. "Spare room? Sure!"

I started laughing. "You never had any patience."

"Sorry," she giggled. "I want to talk, and I didn't see any point in waiting!"

We went upstairs to the spare room, on the same floor as Jasper and I. The room was decorated black and cream, and I felt comfortable in it – when Jasper and Emmett were out sparring in the back garden, making sure they didn't_ 'forget how to fight_' (which I knew was just an excuse to tackle each other), I would watch out of the window, contenting myself with gazing at him – I spent a lot of time here.

"Well..." I was awkward as we sat down on the bed – it had been such a long time, and though we'd left on good terms, it had still been incorrect.

"I'm so glad to be home." Alice was wistfully inhaling and looking around the room. "Esme outdid herself with this one."

"I know," I said affectionately. "I think all of our houses became some kind of a project for her."

Alice nodded, and I knew we'd soon be getting past the small talk. "I...I want to explain things to you. To...repair everything."

"I want to, too. I didn't want to hurt you Alice, ever." My forehead crinkled. I wondered if she was..._okay_, now. Could someone who'd been as...broken as Alice ever be repaired?

"Would it help if I told you what I'd been doing? Then you could tell me?" She asked tentatively.

I nodded.

She inclined her head, and began. "Well, after we left you guys, Flynn thought I should be given some time to adjust...I'd told him that I wasn't stable mentally, but he said he would look after me until I felt better again. So we've spent the first few months in Scotland, then once I was feeling better, we moved around a little. We often had to stop in with the Volturi for Flynn to check in, and I always went there with the hope that they might have seen you, but Aro said what with the new technology coming out, less and less vampires were being turned and therefore less and less vampires were coming to him with powers, so he hadn't seen you."

"I thought it had been too long...he could've told me!" I said exasperatedly. "I mean, I am his equal, he should be getting in touch."

"I think he's just worried about this technology crisis...I don't know what we're going to do..."

"I know," I sighed. "I think Jazz wants to go and see some guy who used to do our passports about it, maybe get him to fit us some chips or something."

"How is Carlisle managing?" She wondered out loud.

I grimaced. "He has to jump in through the window every morning and hack into the systems to make it seem like he checked in. I think he's getting tired of it, and if someone catches him out then he may have to stop working altogether, not just here." The prospect was daunting.

"But anyway, we travelled by foot constantly, and sometimes it was tiring, but when you get to see it all, Bella...it's beautiful. All of the oceans and the deserts at night, and the monuments..." She sounded wistful for a moment. "Then, I met up with Edward in Denali. We were going to see if Tanya had any idea where you all were, as I barely get any visions concerning the family until immediately before the event – thanks to you – and when we got there, he was just leaving to see you. He gave me the address, and we felt obligated to stay with Tanya and the family for a few days before coming down."

"So...your life has been pretty..." I struggled to find a word.

"Normal, really." She laughed. "I've found Flynn, travelled...it's been great!"

"Al...I really don't mean to be cruel by asking you this, but I can't help it..."

"Bella, stop rambling." She laughed. "Spit it out."

"But you were crazy!" I blurted, exasperated. "Erm, I mean mentally unstable." I covered quickly.

"No sweat Bella," Alice let out a few peals of laughter, and I wondered whether it was at my slip, or at her own new phrase. "Well...gosh, you're going to think I'm stupid."

"Not in the least, Al." I assured her.

"Well, around the...fifteenth year of yours' and Edward's marriage, Jasper was getting _very_ restless." I remembered this time well. I'd grown closer to Jasper during the tenth year of mine and Edward's marriage, and five years later when we moved to New Zealand, Jasper was beginning to get very restless, spending less and less time with me and the rest of the family, especially Alice. "Obviously, I knew what it was about. Spending time with you was taking its toll on him; instead of him coming back to our room with a smile like a Cheshire cat and wanting to tell me all about things you'd talked about, he'd come back with a blank look on his face...he looked so empty inside. And he'd just sit on the bed, silent, like he had no more reason to live. Those times were even harder than the times when he'd come back happy." Alice's expression was far off in the past, and I wiped at my eyes so that my tears wouldn't betray me. It must have been so hard for her.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I whispered.

She gave me a half smile and waved her hand. "It was never your fault. His nor yours, I see that now. It was how our lives were meant to play out....I'll explain my theory on that later. Do you mind if I continue?" I told her to go ahead, and she carried on.

"On the 15th of August – I know, it's weird that I remember the date, but it was important, I guess. Anyway, he came back at three o' clock in the morning after talking with you. He was miserable, I could almost feel it coming off him, even though he was trying to reign it in. He was so quiet and empty- he just strode over to the bed and laid down beside me, and I hated seeing him like that. So I turned my laptop off and laid down next to him." She paused there, swallowing.

"Do you...do you mind if I show you it, instead of telling it?" Alice asked tentatively. "I..I don't think I can."

"Yes, of course." I said, grasping her hand. I was a sick, sick person to have done this to the people I love.

I tuned into her mind with a little difficulty – I hadn't been practising my powers much, and they were slowly ebbing away. For instance, I didn't hear the 'lie' inside my head any more, it was only there very faintly if a lie was told, and I did not pay much attention to it.

Her mind was not cloudy, and I realised as the memory began that it was one she had perused quite extensively.

"_Jasper,"_ she breathed, holding her hand out to him. He sat up and they faced each other. It was obvious in her gestures how much she still cared for him, and I felt a clenching in my chest for her.

"_I'm sorry, Al," _he said, rubbing his temples._ "I shouldn't be coming back here all...torn up like this. What have you been doing?"_

"_Jazz, don't bother. If you must know, I've been looking at some Louboutins. But that's not what I want to talk about." _She looked down, and I felt the pain she felt through the memories. I let a strangled noise escape me. How could I have done this to her? To him? _"Jasper, what are you going to do? Carry on torturing yourself like this, letting yourself feel these emotions for her then just walking away? You can't carry on doing it, it's tearing you apart! She has a husband, Jazz. Just like you used to have a wife." _I was momentarily stumped at her comment, and realised that they must have divorced without telling me. _"She loves him. She felt something for you too, once, I know that. But she doesn't remember it, Jazz. You can't carry on hoping, you can't carry on spending time with her and falling more in love when she loves someone else!"_

"_But he's no good for her!" _Jasper's jaw was clenched, and the words slipped out through his teeth._ "He lies to her, Al, all the time. He lies and he's cheated, and she loves him still because she doesn't know any different! If she knew...she'd love me. I know she would."_

"_Jasper...don't tell yourself that. You have to let go." _Alice's plea was quiet, and I felt the pricking at the back of her eyes and the swelling of her throat – she was going to cry._ "You have to leave her alone. She's happy. You need to let go, you deserve to be happy too."_

"_I can't be happy." _He argued.

"_You can be happy. You and I will leave here, we'll go half way across the world if you want, we'll travel. I don't expect anything more of you than friendship, of course, but we can get away. You won't have to see them together every day, you can finally let go, and be happy. Isn't that what you want?"_

"_It's not that I don't want to stay with you Al...of course, you know I still love you..but there's something about her. The love I feel for her...it overwhelms me. I can never take my mind away from her, ever. And I know, even if we went travelling, even if we left here, even if I turned back time, I'd still want her. I can't be happy without her Al, I just can't." _Alice grabbed his hand and held it tight in hers; he squeezed back._ "I want to be happy. I want to make you happy. But I can't, not now. Everything has changed. I...unless I can have her, this is how it's going to be. I'm always going to be like this...it's like there's nothing inside of me, it's like she's stolen everything that I was..." _He trailed off and buried his face in her neck. While a warmth spread through me to know how much he loved me, more pain overwhelmed it.

"_If I could take your pain away, Jazz, if I could take it all away, so you'd never feel this way again, if I could make sure you didn't need her, if I could take away all the weight this love has put on your shoulders, I would. I would do anything. I'd pay, I'd plead, I'd give up my own life if I could just take all your pain away."_ Her arms wrapped around him and held him tight while his body shook with suppressed emotion. _"But I can't. I wish I could."_

They held each other for a while, and Alice moved on to later the same night.

"_I'd do the same for you, you know." _He whispered to her. _"All I want is to make you happy, Alice. I...if I could change it all, if I could go back and never fall in love with her..."_

"_You'd never do it. It's okay, Jazz. I know how you feel about her, you don't need to tell me that." _He didn't lie, just nodded against her slight shoulder.

"_I wish I could change it, though. I wish I could keep her, but never hurt you. I really do love you, Alice. I really, really, do. I just...I love her too."_

"_You love her more." _Alice corrected quietly._ "It's okay. I understand. You feel about her the way I feel about you."_

Jasper sobbed loudly and gripped her around the waist._ "I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm making you miserable, only because I'm miserable. I'm trying to endure, for you, for her, for everyone. I'm trying to show them I can go on without her. You're stronger than me...you make it look so easy to live like this."_

"_I know. I'm trying really hard, and keeping all of it inside hurts."_

"_Tell me, then." _He whispered.

"_All I want to do is be with you, and only you. I don't want to be with you, but know your thoughts and feelings and heart are all about her. It's just...I'm standing here, and I hate it. All I want is to be her. To be...the one you love. I have to pretend that I don't really care that you love her so much, but...I can't. I love you Jasper, I love you so much." _I was such a horrible person. I had inflicted this upon them; and they would never forget it. Time could never heal this for them, they would always have the memories._ "I kept on trying to convince myself that you were confusing your feelings, I kept on lying to myself that it didn't matter if you loved her, because you always came back to me. And that I got that divorce so that when you fell back in love with me, our wedding would be more beautiful than any on the planet because I would be __happy again." _Jasper had moved, he was holding her now._ "Tell me the truth. Tell me that everything I just told you is lies. I need you to tell me."_

"_Alice..." _Jasper knew it would hurt her.

"_I need it. I need to know, I need to let go." _She whimpered.

"_None...None of it is true, Alice. I never confused our feelings – hers and mine – with the truth. They were there, I know it. And I only come back to you because I've got no where else to go." _They were both shaking with emotion now, dry sobbing as they clutched each other and Jasper broke apart Alice's façade._ "We won't ever get married again because if I am getting married again, it will only be to her. I love you, but not enough to make you happy again."_

"_Jasper...I think...I think I'm going to die." _She pushed the words out of her lips with difficulty.

"_Don't be silly, Al." _

"_I'm..I'm no.."__t. I feel like my entire body...every atom...it's all breaking apart...it's._She trailed off and sobbed, and my entire being shook as I held my lips as tightly shut as possible. They held each other for a while longer, and watched the sun come up before being hidden under cloud.

"_I think you can do much better than me." _Jasper whispered to her. "_After everything I've put you through, you can...you can find some one better than me, some one who can make you happy again. I can't do that."_

"_You can help me accept it, though...You're helping me accept it."_

"_I love you, Alice." _He whispered it so quietly that Alice and I almost missed it. _"And even when I'm with her, I love you. When I am broken up because of her, I still love you. But...I can't give you my all. It's not fair to either of us."_

Alice chose this moment to get angry, and I felt it boil in her._ "What makes you think that us not being together is fair? You're never going to have her anyway, Jasper! You're never going to be with her while he's with her! You have no chance! You're just fooling yourself, tearing yourself apart for her! She doesn't love you, she doesn't remember loving you and she never will! Not while she has him!" _

Jasper cried out, and I realised why this seemed so familiar.

"_Who are they arguing about?" _I whispered to Edward while we lay in bed after lovemaking.

"_There used to be a girl Jasper loved, still loves...and she doesn't love him any more. She's got someone else..."_

"_He told me she'd died!" _I said, confused.

"_He likes to think of her that way. Dead. So he can pretend she didn't leave him out of choice, she left him because death took her." _Edward and I went hunting then, to escape the screaming and shouting from upstairs. Which is why I probably did not remember the rest of the conversation Alice was about to show me.

"_Do you think I meant to love her, Alice? Do you actually think that day when you all stupidly left me alone with her, that I expected her to get drunk on alcohol Emmett had left her on your request, because you thought it would be funny, in case you don't remember? I had never been close to her before! She was so warm, and there was so much love and attraction pouring from her like a damn river of blood!"_

"_Jasper..."_

"_NO! Don't go telling me what I'll never have! I know I'll never have her, and I don't need a reminder from you!"_ He was silent suddenly, and I realised it was because Alice was sobbing, her body shaking like there was an earthquake.

"_What can I do, Jazz?"_ She asked. _"What can I do? If I can't deal with you coming back to me broken up, and you can't deal with that..."_

"_I can deal with it."_ He argued. _"I just can't deal with inflicting pain on you."_

There was a silence, and I realised that they were both understanding that one of them would have to move out. Jasper broke the silence first.

"_You love this room._ _I'll ask Carlisle if I can move in to the spare room."_

"_I'm sorry, Jazz." _She whispered, putting her dainty hand on his arm. _"I love you."_

"_I know, Al. I'm sorry too." _He got up off the bed and she jumped up. They hugged, and even though I felt unbearably guilty, I couldn't help feeling a _little_ jealous that he was hugging her. What a bitch I was.

"_Jazz..you know this isn't going to solve it. We're still going to be around each other, we'll still have to be tortured." _

"_What do you suggest?"_

"_I...can feign insanity."_

"_You can what?" _I knew he'd heard her perfectly the first time, just as I had. Neither of us wanted to believe it, least of all me.

"_Now that I've made the decision, I can see it's best for me. And for you. I won't ever have to come out of my room, neither will you, and she can come and visit you...she will come and visit you. Always."_

Jasper's face was pained – I could only imagine what he was feeling. To pretend his sister was insane, just because he was breaking her heart?

"_We have a deal, then."_ He whispered.

"_Deal."_

Her memory finished and I found myself sitting back on the bed, legs crossed as I had been earlier. I felt like I'd aged years in those minutes. Alice was patient; she waited until I could speak.

When I finally found my voice, it was loud. "Alice! How could you? You were so convincing...so scary, so...you _killed_ someone, Alice!" She said nothing, so I continued, frustration building in me. "You ripped him apart! I was there to clean up the damn pieces, you ripped him to shreds! And your eyes were red, so don't say you didn't drink his blood! A life, Alice! A life lost because you were _pretending_ to be insane! Did you ever think about what kind of impact that would have on the family? We were all terrified of you, terrified you might lash out! You tore the family apart with this stupid insanity act!"

"No, Bella. You tore the family apart when you fell in love with Jasper." I was silent, embarrassed. I had no right to be shouting at her when she was absolutely correct in what she said. "But no matter, that's said and done now. I'm very happy for you. But...to start off with, it was just an act. I spent plenty of time in an asylum as a human, I guess I harnessed some of that. I guess...at some point, it stopped being an act, and I couldn't help myself."

A haunted look came to her eyes, and they darkened a little until they looked almost brown. "I remember it all now, Bella. The electric shock treatments. The beatings. The pain." I wrapped an arm around her and she shook her head as though she were trying to rid herself of the memories. But they'd always be there, now. Just as mine were always there.

"They kept me in a dark cell most of the time, and the humans heckled at me. They would shout at me, scream all the time...tell me I was possessed by evil spirits, some kind of a witch or an evil being. They'd tell me I was the spawn of Satan, an abomination. Apart from the vampire...do you remember James telling you of him?"

"Of course," I murmured, horrified by how they treated her.

"His name was Dr. Walter Vane, and he was the main medic in the hospital, having been there the longest. The asylum was far out from any kind of civilization, and no one questioned him. There weren't many staff." Her voice was melancholy, her mind far off in a different century that she'd only just remembered.

"The more advanced patients – myself being one of them – were subjected to the electric chair. When I was...reliving it all, I felt it, the electric current buzzing through your body, like bees were collecting nectar from my veins. I would beg the nurses and carers to stop, I would _scream _ at them to stop...scream so much that my ear drums felt as though I was screaming directly into them. Every noise would filter through the chair, and my body shook against the metal arms...I was strapped in...They'd stop it before I died, of course. Sometimes I would lose consciousness." She drifted away, and I reached a hand out to her, and she seemed to start back into the present. "Eventually, he fell in love with me. I didn't _know_ that, but I knew he liked me. So he stopped the electric shocks, and just left me in my room all the time. There were no windows, but he would visit..." I wondered if she saw him like a father, or an unrequited lover.

"So...so when I was pretending here, I tried to make myself seem fragile and dangerous...and then I started thinking like that...I was constantly paranoid. If I ever saw you or Jasper together, or heard you, I'd get angry. Very angry. Soon enough, it took over me. I was like some kind of monster...vicious, estranged, paranoid. I kept on thinking I was hearing voices, voices telling me I was worthless. But when I screamed and begged Edward to tell me he heard them too, he said he only heard my own voice inside his head – it was me, it was me inventing the voices and giving them _my_ voice. Which terrified me further." She swallowed noisily. "And the therapist was...an accident. Do you remember who took me to see that therapist on the day I...did it?"

I thought back, and found myself starting. "I took you. It was me. I took you."

I wasn't the only one who'd taken her, though. We both knew that.

"Yes, you and Jasper, driving me to my therapist. Oh, happy families..." She laughed. "I was angry. Why was _she_ in the front seat with my Jasper, while I was in the back? And he was giving her so much attention! 'Do you want me to pull over and drive? Do you need to go hunting soon? Your eyes are getting darker. Me, no I'm fine, don't worry. I can always go while Alice is with the doctor. You can always hang out in the forest or something while I'm hunting...' and she was giving him just as much! How _dare_ she want him and Edward?" I was terrified of the expression on her face now, just as much as I had been all that time ago before I knew. "Oh, and she was simpering, touching his arm, laughing, batting her eyelashes, talking about their interests, and ignoring me. Sitting in the back seat, insane with jealousy. Literally."

She calmed down a little, and I heard Jasper whisper from upstairs,

"Be careful, Ali."

She bit her lip, and asked if it was alright to continue. I told her that of course, she should, and decided to settle down and listen, and try to forget my fears if she got out of line a little during her story. She was reliving her life to me, of course it wouldn't all be smiles and rainbows.

I took time to notice the physical changes in Alice. While she never changed, happiness clearly changed her. When I had known her as a human, she had always been happy, bouncing along at Jasper's side, fussy and energetic. Later as a vampire, she constantly seemed troubled, and when she finally snapped, I was terrified of her. Her eyes were dark constantly, even though she'd fed – they seemed to cave in more than was normal, and her body curved in on itself constantly. She looked...protective of herself, defensive and constantly paranoid. She looked as though she were deprived of rest, her eyes always shadowed by her thoughts as they flitted around her head, haunting her. Had she been the same in the asylum as a human?

Now she seemed lighter, her head held higher and her shoulders relaxed. If this was the effect Flynn had on her after all the damage I'd done, I liked him very much already.

"Sorry, Bella." I waved it off.

"It's me who should be sorry."

"It's weird...that I can say your name now. Jazz and I would never say your name, never even mention any Isabellas or Bellas. If they had that name, it was forbidden...it was some kind of an unspoken rule with us. It's so easy to say it now...Bella...your name is beautiful."

"Thank you." I murmured.

"And now I'm going off the point, aren't I? I'm meant to be telling you my gruesome tale.

"When I got in to the therapist, I sat down on those green plastic chairs he had in the waiting room. The secretary was filing her nails, and the noise irritated me. I was listening to you leaving, you see. You were asking Jasper if it was hard to watch me fall apart like this. And he said it was. But then you'd driven too far down the highway, and I couldn't hear you any more, just a couple talking about how nice the conifers would be in their garden. But I couldn't concentrate on that, or the therapist at the door leading me into his office. I was so _focused_ on replaying everything, every casual touch you'd exchanged in the car, every smile and every breath in the direction of the other. You were so...in tune with each other. Even if you didn't notice it. And then Dr Walters – I find it so curious now that his name had such a connection to my Walter, Walter Vane – and he started talking.

'How are you, Alice?' he said, looking at me through his spectacles, even though they were so far down on his nose.

I said, 'I'm not too great, actually.'

Then he smiled, like it was something good, or as if he'd heard a fantastic joke, and I wondered what could amuse him so _damn_ much. 'Bella dropped you off today, didn't she?' He said it more like a statement, and I wanted to get off the topic of you as soon as possible, but he carried on. 'I saw her through the window, was that Edward in the car with her? They make a fantastic couple.' I frowned, and told him that it was Jasper. 'Oh, really? I could have sworn it was Edward, the way he was looking at her, and she was looking at him...she's very beautiful.'

I was so _angry_. You and him were staring at each other like damn star crossed lovers, just after dropping me, his _wife_ off to therapy because of you two!

'Yes, she is.' He said to himself. He was a new therapist, if you remember. This was only my second session with him – I had only managed to tell him who everyone in the family was and why they had suggested therapy and what I was hoping to get out of it by the time Carlisle and Emmett came to get me. So, he obviously wasn't thinking, I mean, he _can't _have been thinking straight, when he said, 'I imagine that's why Jasper loves her so much...'

And I said, 'No he doesn't. No, he doesn't love her. He says he does, but he loves me. I'm his wife_, he loves me_! He doesn't want her, he only wants her because she's like a forbidden fruit, because she doesn't want him back.'

'Jasper's your husband?' He was incredulous, and I wanted to attack him for saying so. The anger wasn't something I was used to. 'Is that what the problem is? You think your husband loves Bella?'

And I screamed back, I couldn't help it. 'You _told_ me he loved her, I already know he loves her, but you _told me so_. You said so.'

"The secretary stopped filing her nails outside to listen. She stayed in her chair. She stayed there for a few seconds, before she came a little closer to the door. To eavesdrop. And then he got this terrible look on his face, this disgusting look of realisation. I saw it before he said it, of course, what kind of psychic would I be if I didn't know that?" She laughed, but it was darker again. "_'Have you ever thought, Alice, that maybe Jasper isn't your husband? Maybe you're...imagining it all like you're imagining the voices, and maybe he's **Bella's** husband?' _I really wish I hadn't killed him...I didn't mean to...I just lashed out, scraped at him, tried to stop him from saying them, those disgusting, vile words. They still screamed inside my head, long after his heart stopped beating. It was an accident, I didn't mean to do it, I really didn't mean to!" I wrapped my arms around her, for she was sobbing now, shaking her head and repeating that she had not meant to take his life. "And that secretary..."

"Bianca." I supplied.

"That was her name? I never knew...She was outside the door, and she saw...the blood spattering against the walls through the glass, and started screaming, so I had to knock her out. When _she_ started bleeding, I thought I might have killed her too, and I got so scared that I took the keys, locked the place up and ran to wherever you were, I followed Jasper's scent." She was distraught, so I held on to her tightly. I still remembered that day, ingrained into my memory as it was.

A blood-covered Alice running towards us, Jasper launching himself at her at the smell of human blood while he was hunting, me pulling him off and Alice screaming to leave him alone, to let him be; her trying to attack me, Jasper holding her back...

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight...I shouldn't have attacked you like I did." Her tremors had stopped a little as I stroked her hair.

"It's fine, Al. I knew...I still know, you weren't in your right mind. It's really helping that I understand what you were going through at the time."

"I wasn't. And long after that incident, I wasn't. I'm much, much, better now. I'm happy, I feel free. I love Flynn more than anything. I understand now, that this was what was meant to happen." Her smile was heavenly, sublime. "I wish I'd seen it before, so I could have pulled myself through the pain and the insanity a bit more thoroughly. But I guess that was just part of the process, to prepare me for the future."

"I'm sorry, Alice...I don't understand what you're getting at here."

"When I found Jasper...when I saw him in my visions...I just assumed that I was meant to fall in love with him. And when we met, I just thought...I'd been alone for so long. All I had seen was that I was to be with this family – though you weren't there yet, and obviously if you had been I probably never would've made this mistake – and I just...I'd been alone and I was craving someone, _something_, and he offered me that. He was only meant to be my brother, really. But we both needed each other, and mistook that affection for love. So, the future changed. I would not find Flynn exactly as I have done, and when we finally found you, you would go to Edward, instead of Jasper. Of course, I suppose things had to right themselves, and this is how it played out. At least, that's what I've been telling myself."

I smiled affectionately, wondering how much time she'd spent working it all out. "You sounded like Carlisle then, you know."

"I did?" She chuckled. "I've had to be my own Carlisle for a while now, I guess. And my own Esme, and Rose, and Emmett and Edward and Bella. But Flynn covered Jazz." She joked. "No, really, he covered everything. He was all I needed, but I still missed you."

"I missed you too, Ali. And you're happy now?"

"Of course. I'm perfect. I feel like I've been reborn, as crazy as it sounds. I'm ready to restart this life, happy and whole. It started with you, Bella."

"I love you, Alice." I said, tearing up. "I've missed you so much, I've missed my sister, I've missed my best friend. I'm so sorry I ruined everything, our family, our friendship."

"It was meant to happen, like I said." She dismissed it. "I wouldn't be Alice, and you wouldn't be Bella unless we'd had these experiences. It's been preparing us for something." Her tone was dark, and a seed of dread planted itself inside my stomach. "Maybe...maybe we should leave your stories to another time. Do you want to go and see if Jasper's okay, now? Nosy thing, he's probably feeling better already after hearing all of our gossip!"

I laughed, and heard most of the family laughing too, all sitting downstairs. They probably felt as happy as me that Alice was back and better.

"I was not!" I heard Jasper call. He sounded more lively, so Alice skipped downstairs to Flynn, and I walked down the hall to meet the person who, according to Alice and myself, I was destined to be with.

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**And now for the news I'm pretty excited to be sharing with you... I have decided that after Superbia, I will be focusing on only one project, and until that's done, I won't even think of the other stories I've suggested to you guys. It's called _Dark Night _and it's Edward's version of New Moon. I'm very excited and have plenty of ideas, so I hope everyone will look forward to it and stick around to read even after the Deadly Sins Trilogy has had its swan song.**

**Please review!**

**Nia  
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	31. Ride

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**_**Thanks to Mogli, elvenangel and Emilie for the inspiring and thoughtful reviews! Also to the lovely firstsong1 and ****SilverStar2334 **** whose reviews have really helped spur me on to write this chapter.**_

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_**Completely rough chapter, sorry. I haven't even read over it, but I wanted to get it out into the world wide web!**_

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_The time we have  
The task at hand  
The love it takes  
To **destroy** a man  
_

When I walked through the door, I found Jasper sitting up on the bed, his head resting against the wall.

"Feeling better love?" I asked, collapsing onto the bed next to him.

"Much. Can I go downstairs? I'll just...sit there. I think they all want Flynn to talk – they're spewing curiosity!" He laughed, and I felt warmth in the pit of my stomach to know he was getting better.

How would I ever survive without him?

We ambled down the stairs together, and his arm was wrapped securely around my waist – though it was a comforting gesture, more than his need for support.

Esme and Flynn were making small talk when we reached the living room; talking about his and Alice's travels.

As we sat down with soft smiles, Flynn perked up.

"Ah, you're all here now. I hope you don't think I'm tooting my own horn or something," he said in his distinctly British way, "but Alice told me that everyone in the family knows each other's stories...and I'd like to be accepted into the family, if you'd have me."

"Of course, dear!" Esme said instantly, sitting down next to Carlisle on the love seat. "And if you'd like...you can tell us your story."

"It's not happy..." He said, by way of a warning.

"Not everyone's is." Rosalie murmured.

"Alright." He said, with an encouraging smile from Alice.

"I'm a relatively new vampire – only a few years older than yourself, Bella," Flynn smiled at me. "My human life wasn't very promising to begin with, and I feel you need to hear that before you begin to understand why I was changed."

I clutched Jasper's hand.

"Growing up, times were hard. My father was a vicious man; an alcoholic for as long as I knew him, and he would often come home and attack my mother, my younger sister, and me. His name was Dan, my mother's name was Sarah, and my sister's name was Nina. My sister wasn't my biological sister, though Dan and my sister didn't know this."

"I grew up...not knowing anything different. My sister was born when I was six, and before then, I know he drank, but he was never violent. My memories of that time aren't very clear, but I like to think I was a happy child." He said wistfully. "My mother was the only person I trusted. I suppose I grew up younger than children should. By the time I was five or so, I knew what was right and wrong. And Dan was wrong. So very, very, wrong.

"My mother took solace in a neighbour – Robert – while Dan was drinking, and probably cheating, though I didn't know that at the time. The next thing I knew, she was pregnant with my baby sister. Dan came home drunk one night after finding out about my mother's pregnancy, and lashed out - not caring about _his _unborn child. He went to hit my mother and I threw myself in front of her. After that first time...he laid off a little. I didn't have to protect my sister, didn't have to protect my mother, or myself. Dan wasn't drinking – he was working hard. I'm not ashamed to say that I knew this would not always last, and every time he brought his pay home – always in cash, his boss was his friend, and was willing to go through the extra trouble of setting it out in notes instead of a simple cheque – I would steal 20 pounds from it.

"I don't know if he ever noticed, but he never said anything about it. Maybe he wasn't really counting it – he wasn't used to that amount of money, as he usually spent it straight away. Nine months' worth of 20 pounds. Soon, there was 180 pounds rolled up in a pair of socks in my drawer. It wasn't very much, but I used it later when we were short of money for food. We often went without heat and light, and tried to use as little water as possible in order to save money."

Carlisle's arms visibly tightened around Esme. His thoughts were guilt-ridden, and I heard only whispers of them. I suppose that should have alerted me, but alas, it didn't.

_Why should we have so much when he had so little?_

"When Nina was born...she was beautiful. Dark ringlets – the same as Dan's, and Robert's – my mother's blue eyes, and pale, pale skin. Skin that would bruise like a peach, if you forgive the cliché. After the nine months of aplenty, I expected Dan to go back to his old ways. He said he wouldn't...but two months after the birth, he did. And I threw myself in front of Nina and my beautiful mother the first time he came home intoxicated. This became a habit of mine – to protect my mother, and in time, to protect Nina. But he eventually learnt that I was his punch bag, and left them alone.

"It did not matter to me. I knew I had to protect my sister and my mother at all costs. I was only six years old, but I knew I would give this baby my life, I would give my mother my life. It feels unrealistic, now. A six year old? A six year old growing up so quickly? Wouldn't the six year old have just cried, how would he have understood?" He sighed.

"But they were all I had. Dan was drinking us out of house and home, and food was scarce. This was when my stolen money came into use. My mother couldn't get any work, but she got dole and in addition to trying to pay the bills and the mortgage, there wasn't much left over. She used whatever was to buy food for us. I would always give my portion up for my mother, and when she grew old enough to eat normal food, for Nina."

"I was an outcast at school, from around the time I turned 8. I was thin, gangly, often sick and I didn't enjoy sports. We didn't have a TV at home, so I couldn't talk about that. We did have a computer though, and this came to be my solace as I grew older – well, at least, the websites at which I would download music illegally...and download them to my mp3 player, which really was my solace."

"When I reached comprehensive – this is around the time I was 11 or 12 – I had no friends. I listened to alternative music; anything that expressed my anger, my pain at being treated as Dan treated us. But sometimes...acoustic. Songs that would make me smile." Jasper smiled in acknowledgement of Flynn's taste in music and Flynn gave him a nod before continuing.

"I always felt worthless after he hit me, and through music, I was introduced to the idea that would, eventually lead me to vampirism." He gave us a haunted smile.

"Self-injury. It's...hard to explain exactly what it did for me. It was like a punishment, and relief at the same time. Every time I dragged the razor blade over my skin, letting crimson run, I felt...free." I doubted that I would ever understand how Flynn felt about this, but his descriptions were probably the closest I would ever get. "There was some kind of solace from the pain, some way to run away from my worthlessness and all of my responsibilities. My mother never noticed the cuts, let alone Dan. Sometimes, the six year old Nina would squeeze my arm too tight and I would flinch, but otherwise, I gave no indication of the pain that also gave me relief."

"This continued for years, until it was what I relied on. That, and Nina's smile. She smiled less and less as she grew older, and I found that troubling." The frown he had was still that of a big brother, and I grimaced. To leave her...it must have been painful in whichever circumstances.

"At 13, I began to seek work, and I got a decent wage at the local music shop, pretending I was older than I was. Despite being malnourished, I'd had a recent growth spurt that had left me gangly and uncoordinated." He smiled ruefully, scratching his jaw – it seemed like a nervous tick, and I assumed it had become a habit of his over the years.

"Even though I was earning enough to pay for food and other necessities, I always felt...miserable. Instead of blaming myself for Dan's abuse, I became self-pitying. My life was hell. I lived for...nothing. I knew my mother and Nina would probably be better off without me. I tried...and failed, to commit suicide." He said it so frankly that I frowned – did he not feel...disappointment? Embarrassment? Guilt?

"I...imagine you're wondering why I'm not ashamed to tell you of this...but it was the first of my many failed attempts. The disappointment of waking up is something I can't even explain. Not long after that...I began getting angry. So very, very, angry. Never at Nina or my mother, never...but others. A word could break me. I soon began truanting, hanging around the docks and in underground passageways. I made friends...friends who enjoyed drinking, smoking and drugs. Smoking and drinking were my tools- I never touched drugs, I am proud to say." He laughed throatily, and the sound was like gravel had been lodged in his throat and the alcohol was only burning the wounds. Alice clutched his hand. "I was...yes, I was bad. I would never lie and say I was not. I cut, I drank, I smoked. I was ill, I was weak, I wasn't stable. My past was dark, darker than death itself – the thing I craved most."

Alice was biting nervously at her lip – I imagined this was more upsetting for her than us...though she'd obviously heard it before.

"I was determined, growing up. I decided my exact plan when I was fifteen – though I'd lived almost double those years, in my own eyes. I began saving money from my pay check; I began using any means whatsoever to make extra money. I took on a gardening job, took on double shift at the music shop. As my beatings became more frequent, I became more adamant. When I turned eighteen, I was going to get my mother and Nina out of Dan's clutches. We would get away, we would be free." A shining came to his eyes, a softness, a hope.

In his eyes, I saw him.

The real him.

Beyond what I would know of him, beyond what he was telling me now.

In his eyes, he was a boy again, a young fifteen year old boy. Hoping, planning, praying that his pain, his mother and his sister's pain would end. He was pure, he was determined, he was real. I would never see him again like this – and I didn't.

I saw the real him again, later. Around thirty years later. But...it was a different kind of real. It was maturity, it was love. It was different to this plan in his eyes, it was raw hope.

"I really did believe this was all going to happen. I was going to free them from their pain. When I turned 17, I worked harder than ever – I'd left school at sixteen, and I had plenty of time to work my fingers until they bled. I was hopeful. One more year, and I would take them away."

"Then, my mother died. She'd been suffering from a bad cold – we didn't use the heating, as I've said before. The bad cold turned out to be pneumonia, but I was away too much to notice, at 11, Ni wouldn't have been able to see, and Dan didn't care. She went peacefully, in her sleep."

"It felt like my dream was broken in two. I could take my baby sister away once I turned eighteen, but without my mother? I knew it would never feel right; I missed her every day." Esme crossed the room and took his other hand in hers; he gave her a grateful smile.

"By the time I turned 18, I told Nina I could take her away, that we could live somewhere else. But she didn't want to go. She said she needed this place...to remind her of Mum. Dan didn't hurt us any more – he was drowning his sorrows instead. But we were neglected. Our mother was all we'd had – who was I to tell my baby sister, who was only half my blood, to leave a place where she could remember her late mother? We stayed." He sounded bitter, though he seemed to have accepted he could not have left.

"In the shattering of my dream, my grief, and through my hard work, I became blind. Ni was too far gone down the same road as myself by the time I noticed. She was 12, and in the routine that kept us both happy, I went in every morning to wake her up. I would go in, shake her gently, sit on the bed while she woke up a little, then talk to her in the dark while she woke up.

"One specific morning, she wasn't waking up easily after a late night, so I opened the curtains and let in the light. She threw a pale arm up to shield her eyes, and there they were. Angry, pink and puckered lines marred her wrists. I never said a thing to her about them. Sometimes I wish I had, though that would be hypocritical. But it broke my heart. I should be protecting her from the blade, from the pain of loss and more – though I didn't know it then."

"The days grew longer, and lulled by. I turned nineteen without even noticing. I knew I'd never leave this place until Nina was old enough, and so I worked as hard as I could and tried to accept I was working for no purpose other than to work." He laughed, but then became sombre.

"At 13 years old, my baby sister, my beautiful Nina succeeded at what I had failed. Suicide. I was the one that found her, of course, lying in a ball on her bed, two packets of extra strength painkillers lying empty in her bin. Every pill popped. I went in, like I did every morning, to wake her. She was sleeping so deeply that it looked like she wasn't breathing. I shook her gently, like I always did.

The usual routine.

I sat down on her bed while she woke up – it always took her a while, because she had trouble sleeping, and when she did, she was exhausted when she woke. I felt a piece of paper on the bed, folded into a little square." His voice was shaking now, and I felt tears begin to cascade down my cheeks. There was darkness in his eyes that exuded from his heart, a splintering song that had once been beautiful, torn apart. "I couldn't read the writing in the dim room, so I walked over to the window and opened the curtains. There were tear stains – black from her mascara – on the paper, but the short note was still easily visible.

_I'm sorry, I'm going to miss you._

_I love you so much,_

_Nina_

"And at first, it didn't really make sense. What was she sorry for? I thought she'd run away or something. But what was that bundle in the bed? The bundle with her hair, the bundle that was too still?" His breath shook as he inhaled sharply. "She was cold and still...I'm sorry, I can't carry on." His body was shaking, and the others gave him a minute to calm down.

But his story carried on, inside his head. And I had to watch it with him.

Her form was still on the bed, tiny and wrapped in the blankets, like a cocoon. Flynn rushed to her, discarding the note.

"Nina? Ni?" He was shaking her violently, sobbing. "Wake up."

And then he saw her face.

Like an angel in death, her lips were purple, her eyes closed. Her previously bouncy curls hung limp around her face – was this what the stress had done to her? Her lips were pursed, almost. Some say people smile in death, but she did not, she looked like a carving, a stone angel. And all the while, Flynn was shaking her, shouting at her, and her body lay limp in his hands.

"No, no, no! Ni, wake up! Don't, don't leave me! You can't, you can't! Don't make it happen again, don't!"

I felt his world rock – was he rocking or was I? Was the pain mine, or his? Or both?

He picked her up in his arms and rocked her, burying his face in her dark hair.

The memory didn't end there, but it continued on, to a point later in time. She was truly like a stone angel now, as they loaded her into the ambulance. The still faintly pink scars on her wrists just displayed the pain the girl had been through.

"No," I whispered. "Don't go. Come back. Don't do this."

"Bella?" Jasper was holding me tight. "It's not happening, Bella. It's the past, it's gone. Come back."

"Come back." I sobbed. "Come back."

"She's gone, Bella." Flynn whispered. "She can't come back."

I instantly felt myself snapping back to reality. She wasn't mine to love, she wasn't my sister, she wasn't the one I'd lost. I had no right to intrude on his pain. But I had never been affected by his pain, by his dark past, as I had been by that.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"So am I." Flynn said bitterly. "You shouldn't have had to go through that with me."

There was silence as the tears continued to spill down my cheeks, and I called out inside my head.

_Come back. Come back. Come back. _

Alice was the first to break the circle of silence. "Do you want to carry on, love?"

Flynn nodded. "Yes. Yes, okay."

"I stayed at the hospital while they examined her, I watched while they wheeled her into the morgue," _come back "..._I went to the police station for questioning." He scratched his jaw again. "And when the night was over, finally, and my father was in the police station, too, I went down to the docks, and sat down in a deserted alleyway with a razor blade and a bottle of vodka." He clenched his jaw, gritted his teeth. "What more did I have to live for? I swigged the vodka to numb the pain, and then began to cut. When she finally came, attracted by the smell of fresh blood, I must have been half gone.

"She was beautiful. She had Nina's dark curls, and dark eyes, more black than crimson, maybe even burgundy. She was pale, just as my mother had been in death, and just as still. I wondered, in my hazy stupor, whether it was my mother, whether it was my sister. Had they come back to me? But she was still. Graceful, even in stillness, fluid almost. It could not be either of the ones I loved. Was she an angel?

'_What's wrong?' _she asked, bending down to my open wrists. '_Can I kiss them better?_'

I don't think I answered.

She told me later that I was whispering, '_Kill me, kill me..._' over and over again.

She bent her lips to my wrists and drank from me. I don't know why she stopped. I don't know why she let the venom spread in the small quantity of blood I had left."

"But it hurt. Damn, it hurt. Four long days of pain. When you have that little blood...it took longer to spread. I was screaming the entire time. I thought I'd managed to kill myself. I wondered how my mother, how Nina had coped. Had they screamed like me, in this white room in between Heaven and Hell? Did God not have mercy on us, not even in death?"

"And so I was changed. And that's the end of my plight. I lived a lonely life, then went to the Volturi, then found Alice." He smiled, but then frowned. "I shouldn't have made you listen through all that. I'm sorry."

"Don't," Rosalie murmured. "Don't be sorry. We don't all have happy stories."

"We all know each other's stories here, honey. Just like you said." Esme said, smiling motherly. "You can hear them sometime, maybe."

"I'd like that," he said, smiling at us all.

"We have eternity." I laughed weakly.

"Shall I get you settled up in your new room?" Esme asked, standing up. This was the cue for everyone to make themselves scarce, or at least, to drop any kind of tension.

"Would you like to go hunting, darling?" Jasper asked, rubbing comforting circles into my hand with his thumb. "I'm feeling a little better."

"Yes," I smiled. "That would be nice."

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**BIT OF NEWS..**

"The following review has been submitted to: Avaritia Chapter: 30

From: jasper's wife ()

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how dare you put this under jasper/bella you just give us all false hope that there is going to be a happy ending between said couple yet in the end there are not together how could you do this you should have put this in edwar/bella than us jasper/bella fans wouldnt yell at you and poke you with pointy objects dont think i wont if you do this to us again please right a real jasper bella one cause you sure can write just for the wrong couple"

**So, Jasper's Wife, if you are reading this....the reason it ends up Edward/Bella is because it is a SERIES. I could have put Luxuria, Avaritia and Superbia together, but I didn't. I honestly think if you'd read the prequel, then maybe you would have understood that their relationship continues over the three stories. Which means that in THIS story – if you ever intend to read anything I 'right' again and read this note – they do get together. Please, in future, read author's notes, and maybe leave an email address so I can explain this to you without writing it into a chapter. **

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**PLEASE READ THIS, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND IT CONCERNS THE UPDATES OF THIS STORY. **

**I'm very sorry guys, ****I fully intended to update as soon as possible, but due to lack of inspiration, I've been having trouble with the latest chapter, and I had to re-write the 6 pages I'd written...because they were complete crap, to be blunt, and they're not much better now. I'm having a lot of trouble writing recently – not just in fanfiction, but in ****all aspects of life. Everything feels forced and tiring. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't have anything to do with the lack of reviews, as that's really getting me down. I'm sorry if this is letting you guys down, and I do intend to continue the story, but it'll just take a little longer to get the ol' updates out. Sorry again!**

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nia x  
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	32. Love

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Short chapter; I did have something else planned but it'll have to wait I guess. I think this stuff needed to be addressed.**

**This one's for ecaniaga, whose friendship and support I really couldn't do without. You're amazing.  
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Jasper's hand was clasped tightly in mine as we strolled out of the house. It had become natural to us in our unnatural lives to run everywhere; speed meant nothing to us, and as we spent so little time at school now, the pretences we'd been holding while around humans were slowly melting away like wax from a burning candle.

Strolling, walking...anything that was at a pace less than our lightning fast run was leisurely, it was peaceful, like we were living in a bubble where the past and future could not intervene.

In my time with the Cullens, I had often felt like this – like we were in our own bubble, separate from the world. It was one of the many luxuries that came with being a Cullen – the ability to dictate my own life. I did not have to work through the exact same work year after year in school, I did not have to get myself a job. I could just live life at my own pace.

It surprised me, often, how easily I fell into place with the Cullens, especially with Jasper. We had only been together officially for eight, almost nine months, and instantly I had stepped into a pattern with him that had become our routine, we knew each other thoroughly.

He knew my scent just as I knew his, I knew his eyes just as he knew mine. I knew that when he tried desperately to force his mouth shut after he'd been laughing as hysterically as me that dimples appeared in his cheeks. He knew that I hated people touching my feet, even myself. I knew he felt reassured when I traced his scars, he knew I was as repulsed by mine as he was by his own.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked, rubbing his thumb gently over my skin.

"You," I said simply, swinging our hands as though we were strolling in the sun. But the sky above was cloudy, rain was on it's way. Somehow, even the weather escaped our little bubble. Was this what it was like to be in love?

The trees were scattered around here, thickening further in. It isolated us even more, and I let my mind wander once again.

Yes, somehow we had fallen into a pattern, a pattern that would probably continue with us both until the end of forever. But I was still...unsure of how it had prevailed this way.

After all, Jasper and I, in my human life, had never been in this kind of pattern. All we had shared were kisses, glances, lust and love. But we'd never found ourselves a pattern, we'd never found any kind of familiarity with each other.

Our hands swung together to a beat only we knew.

Did the world see us like we were? Did they have different perspectives? Were we unusual to them, were we unlike any other couple? Or were we typical honeymooners, love birds and valentine's cards?

"You're really engrossed, aren't you?" Jasper chuckled.

"I think my mind's in overdrive because I was so worried about you," I said thoughtfully. "If you ever do that again, Mr Whitlock, I may just have to punish you." I threatened him playfully.

"I look forward to it," he nudged me gently with his shoulder and I looked down, watching our feet step along together.

Rosalie and Esme had gone through so much pain, wanting children. I had been adamant that this wouldn't affect me – I didn't want children. They were nice enough, cute and inquisitive, but I'd never felt any kind of a maternal pull, no images in my head of mine and Edward's children, only that quick flash of mine and Jacob's, and that hadn't been strong enough to pull me away from my vampire.

But now, as we strolled through the thickening trees that led onto a dense forest, I could see mine and Jasper's children.

It was curious; I had never felt this way before. Maternal. And nothing had even triggered it. _You're dead, Bella,_ I reminded myself. _You can't have children._

And yet, the feeling, so foreign, would not go away, even as I willed it to. I wanted little bundles of joy with his eyes and my hair, I wanted a baby with his dimples, I wanted a baby with his curls. I wanted to see the proud expression on his face when I gave birth to his son or daughter.

I could never have that.

I was being needlessly stupid. I didn't want children, I'd never wanted children! I had made peace with myself about this – I had said my goodbyes to Charlie and Renee, made my peace with never seeing my human friends again. I had gotten over this! And now, so many years later, I was experiencing something that I'd never even given up? Why hadn't I felt this when I was with Edward? Why hadn't I felt this as a human? Why hadn't I felt this during all my years of being a vampire? Was it because I was distracted? Was it because I couldn't remember?

Or was this what it was like to be in love? Was it...natural to want his children? To want to grow old?

But...even if I had not been changed, I would still have been unable to have children with Jasper – he was a vampire, and our bodies were frozen. It was impossible.

And I couldn't imagine our children looking anything different than us. I could never want anything else. His blond, curly locks on a girl with his blue eyes...and on the boy, my hair and eyes. Both with his dimples, neither with my clumsiness!

Lost in my own world of never-will-be, I hadn't realised that I'd stopped where I was standing.

"What is it?" Jasper whispered, squeezing my hand. "You're...hurting."

"It's different."

"Bella...we've talked about this," he said, gently but authoritatively. "You don't gloss over things. You tell me what's hurting you."

"I...I never wanted it before. A life. A beating heart."

"You....oh, Bella." He crooned, letting go of my hand and engulfing me in his embrace, hands stroking my hair comfortingly. "What's brought this on?"

I laughed into his chest. "You. You've brought this on. I love you. I want your children. I want all of you, I want your mid-life crisis, I want your wrinkles and greying hair."

"I want all of that from you, too, Bella. But you know we can't have it."

"I know that. But I...I'd still give my life up for you. Over and over again. I wouldn't want anything, any part of that, unless it was with you."

"We can try all that...if you want to. We could adopt, I could go crazy for a while..." I wasn't even sure if he was joking. But he'd probably do it for me, if I asked.

"No, Jasper." I said softly. "I know, I understand we can't have any of it. It just took me off guard, is all. The...the feeling that something's missing. It won't always be there."

"But it might." He whispered into my hair, the strands muffling his words.

"Yes, it might." I agreed. "But it doesn't matter. I've got you. I'm never going to let you go. We're going to brave all the changes in the world, we're going to go on the first trip to the moon, we're going to brave it all. Together. And even though I'd love to just live and love and die with you, living and loving is enough for me."

"I'm sorry I can't give you everything. I would, you know I would, if I could." His arms tightened around me.

"I know that, of course I know that. You know it'd be the same with me. But...I'm content with you. I'm better than content. If I was offered the world, or you, I'd choose you."

"Don't ever doubt I'd do the same."

I pressed my lips lightly to his chest, just as the rain began to fall, the wind rising and blowing the green leaves wildly above us.

"Come on, love." He whispered gently, knowing I wouldn't want to leave the reassuring warmth of his embrace.

His hand clasped mine again, and we continued walking at our own pace, searching for a drink.

Again, I felt as if the wind and rain weren't around us, as though it weren't touching us. Of course, of course I would give everything up for him. A million times over.

Was this what it was like to be in love?

It was.

I didn't need those things like I needed Jasper.

I wanted them, I could pine for them, but I would never need them like I would need his kisses, his smiles, his love.

We dawdled along in the sheeting rain, dripping hands clasped and hearts connected.

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I made a new video, not for Avaritia, but just for kicks. Take a look if you'd like. Sorry again for the wait and the change of plan.

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Also, HUUGE thank you to CherryNoel, who wrote a song parody for Luxuria!

(to the tune of Jesse's Girl, youtube it if you haven't heard it)

Edward is a friend  
Yeah, I know he's been  
A good friend of mine  
But lately something's changed  
That ain't hard to define  
Edward's got himself a girl  
And I wanna make her mine

And she's watching him with those eyes  
And she wants to love him with that body  
I just know it  
And he's holding her in his arms  
Late, late at night  
You know, I wish that I had Edward's girl  
I wish that I had Edward's girl  
Why isn't Bella my girl like that?

I play along with the charade  
There doesn't seem to be a reason to change  
You know, I feel so dirty  
When they start talking sweet  
I already told her that I love her  
But she didn't wanna cheat

Cause she's watching him with those eyes  
And she wants to love him with that body  
I just know it  
And he's holding her in his arms  
Late, late at night  
You know, I wish that I had Edward's girl  
I wish that I had Edward's girl  
Why can't Alice be a woman like that?  
Like Edward's girl  
I wish that I had Edward's girl  
Why isn't Bella my girl  
Why isn't Bella my girl like that?

And I'm looking in the mirror all the time  
Wondering what she don't see in me  
I know she likes me  
I've been reading all the signs  
Ain't this the way  
Love's supposed to be?

Tell me  
Why can't I have my Bella like that?

You know, I wish that I had Edward's girl  
I wish that I had Edward's girl  
I wan Edward's girl  
Why can't Bella be just mine like that?  
But she's Edward's girl  
I wish that I had Edward's girl  
I want  
I want Edward's girl

aha, isn't it amazing? :)

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Again, sorry for the wait;  
Nia xx


	33. However Far Away, I Will Always Love You

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

I wanted to tell you guys a feckload about what's been happening and what will be happening soon, but it will have to wait. This is for **fiberkitty**, whose stories make me want to cry and fall in love and laugh and smile. I know you're probably on vacation by now, but if anyone could drag Superbia out of hiatus, it's you. (And Jasper. That last chapter, woaaah!) So here you go – I hope I surprise you before you leave, or after you've returned.

Thank you, my wonderful readers, for being so patient. I know I won't get many reviews for this chapter – I've probably lost most of you. But nevertheless, many many thanks. Will the updates be regular? I don't know. They will be once summer begins - I have GCSEs tomorrow.

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As we approached home, there seemed to be a feeling in the air, a slow hum, a murmur of energy. Jasper and I both knew something was not right, and quickened our pace.

But when we entered the house, alert and ready for danger, we were greeted by our family sitting calmly on the sofas, all engaged in quiet conversation while our visitors looked on.

"Ah! Bella, Jasper, you are back. So wonderful to see you again, it has been too long!" Aro's quick lilting voice flew from his mouth with a smile, and I relaxed out of my tense position, smoothing back my wet hair self-consciously.

"Indeed, it has." Jasper said warmly, stepping forward to shake Aro's hand firmly.

"Unfortunately, it is not under pleasant circumstance," Felix grumbled from his place on the sofa.

Seeing Felix – a pale burly figure dressed in black – sitting on our family sofa rather pleasantly made me want to lose myself in hysterics. It did look so out of order, though Felix himself looked comfortable.

"I concur," Aro frowned, sweeping back over to the sofa in order to address us all. "Cullens, I am sorry for keeping you waiting, but we felt that we specifically needed to inform Bella, and therefore Jasper, of this new development."

"And what development would that be?" I asked Aro as I sat next to Felix, Jasper on my left side.

"You are aware of a threat to your family, specifically to you, Bella?"

"I'm sure there are many, dear brother," I smiled. "To which are you referring?"

"The threat of a certain dark haired Romanian vampire," Aro said, paperlike skin crunching together as he fixed himself a displeased expression.

"_I've been watching you for a while, on the Masters' orders. I must say, your family really is quite intriguing."_

That night had taken on an almost dreamlike quality whenever I thought back on it – my ease around humans, my friendship with Rosalie and then the sudden switch during which I was terrified of her.

Then again, I couldn't really be blamed, I suppose. _"To kill two birds with one stone" _still had an unpleasant ring to it whenever it was said out loud.

"We haven't heard from him in decades, why do you speak of him now?" I demanded, sharpening my tone. Aro may be my brother, but it was not in blood, nor love, and his cryptic ways tired me.

"He and others like him seem to be amassing followers to join an army – an army to destroy us."

"Us?" Jasper asked, his hand clutching my knee protectively.

"The Volturi and its guards. This includes yourself and Bella, though while I have the utmost respect for you, Carlisle, and your family, I do not include the remaining members of your family in my words."

"Why is that?" Jasper spoke again.

"I understand that Alice's visions are slightly impaired due to Bella's constant shielding, so it is likely that I will be the first to give you the news: your friends have all joined the Romanian uprising as nomads are currently calling it."

"Our friends?" Carlisle spoke up for the first time since I'd returned.

"The Irish Coven, The Egyptian Coven, The Denali Coven, The Amazon Coven, The Celtic Coven and a few European and American nomads." Aro said with not a small amount of disdain in his voice.

"So many," Esme breathed.

Alice stood and walked to Aro, reaching her hand out to him.

He bowed his head as he ran through every thought and every vision she'd had since the last time he touched her hand: the day I saved Edward from demise, just to demolish him myself.

"I see. I will speak quickly and briefly then with Jasper and Bella outside."

Jasper and I followed Aro out into the surrounding countryside without question – I had tried with great difficulty to see what she had told Aro, and had understood vaguely that the remaining Cullens would not be siding with the most powerful beings in the vampire world. Which meant they would not be siding with me.

Once we were well out of hearing range, Felix, Aro and Renata, his constant shield, stopped.

"I have been informed by Alice that the remaining members of your family will not be joining our side of the battle. I would like to extend this offer to you both, but you must know – while we will not kill you now, we will during the battle. We do not wish to do this; please Bella, my sister, my daughter, my beautiful Queen, do not think that of me, of us. But you must understand the price of your loyalty to your family."

I remained silent, letting Aro's feather-light compliments shy away from me. Nevertheless, I felt the imagined moment when Jasper made his choice. "I will side with my family, but whichever side Bella chooses, none of our family will harm her."

"Understandably. Thank you for your service Jasper, though it was only to your wife." Aro gave a wafer thin smile and I almost growled at the promise of death he delivered with the stretching of his skin. "The fight, the war, this may be a few years from now. Maybe decades, maybe centuries. It is not set in stone, I'm sure your Alice will tell you that. "

"Master?" A lilting voice came from within the green shadows of the trees and I stiffened. The voice was easily recognisable, despite the owner sounding and looking more civilised than the time I had last seen her. She stepped into the dark clearing. "Demetri should have finished with his trifles in Seattle," she began. "And it may be wise for us to hunt, my Lord."

"Of course," Aro nodded, his lips curling up at the sight of another winner he'd captured in his web. She stepped forward once again, touching her master's skin. "Whatever you wish, dear one. We shan't wait long, you may wish to make this a sweet but short reunion."

Aro's goodbyes were quick as his new prize stood, a slender wraith in the moonlight.

"We'll be in touch, dearest sister."

Renata's strained fingers pressed against her master's back, a nod came from Felix and then it was only Jasper and I with the figure smiling sweetly at me.

"Mistress Isabella," she curtseyed. "It has been a long time."

"Some would say," I retorted. "I see you have been changed, Elizabeth."

"Indeed, not too long ago. Master says I have incomparable control- however, that is not why I requested confidence with you."

"Why is that?"

"The storm is coming, the war. Sooner than the masters expect- but I am bound by law not to tell them otherwise. My interference would tilt the scales of fate. I can hear their cries on the wind – of mutiny, of betrayal, of death. The army approaches. But while this is important, it is again, not my reason for stopping by you here."

"Then speak quickly, Elizabeth," I said, impatient. "My brother will be waiting for you."

"I have already seen your brother, though I know it is not the one you speak of. He is well but his words were correct, I thought you would like to know. But I must warn you-" she paused, and whipped her head to the left. "Ah, there is no time," she mumbled seemingly to herself. "I have uttered my introduction a minute too long, so I can say only this: Isabella, I sorry. So very sorry. Your Alice has not seen it, but I have, and while the lava bubbles under our feet understands my frustration, you never will. I can not do a thing to change it, though I could have given you more time...This matters not, now. But Isabella, I am sorry- to all of you."

"About what? Elizabeth, I demand you tell me what is going to happen!" I growled.

"I will take my leave now: I cannot say a word more. Farewell, Mistress."

Jasper shook beside me as she left. The darkness enveloped me and I breathed in the damp night air.

"We should go home, Bella." Jasper's voice was merely a whisper into the darkness, but I clasped his hand and turned nevertheless. Home seemed so far and the darkness seemed so dark.

The worried faces of the family when we entered gave me reason to feel my face from the inside out. I remembered only doing this twice during my human life, and though the devastated look on my face then was not as it was now, I understood the need to compose myself.

Alice, however, was grinning. "Look at you," she murmured. "Did Elizabeth affect you that much?"

Jasper frowned at Alice, but softly. He would, of course, always have a spot for her in his heart. "Alice,"

Her grin faded. "I thought she was only stopping to say hello."

"She said a lot more than that." I said, inhaling dust motes and a faint scent of my venom- tears had, unbeknownst to me, run down my face, leaving a silver trail like a snail's tracks. "You told the Volturi you would fight against them."

I said it as kindly as I could, but somehow it formed within my mouth bearing an accusing tone.

"Bella, it's safer for us. I know you are bound to them, but it's safer for you that we fight against them."

"I can't understand your logic," I sighed. "But that's alright. I doubt it's a good idea I stay here- I'll catch up with Aro now and make plans to stay in Volterra."

I choked back my sob, and kissed Jasper chastely on the cheek. "I suppose I'll be seeing you then, thank you all so much. You've been a wonderful family." I turned to leave.

I turned back again. "But- just so you know, I won't lay a finger on you. I won't let any of them lay so much as a hair on you." I thought it must be time to go – their silence conveyed their acceptance, and I realised now that my statement might not apply to them.

I accepted this as much as I could in the few short seconds I stood by the door. To die at the hands of someone I loved – instead of rather than die for them like I'd been prepared to so early on in my relationship with the Cullens – seemed like a better way to go than by the hands of an angry enemy, whose hands like vines would clasp my throat and tear it away from my body without a second thought. Did my powers matter? No; I would have to die in order to keep my family safe. The thought of leaving Jasper burnt like an open flame against bare skin.

But I could do that for him. I could die to save them, to save him.

"Bella, what are you talking about?" Rose asked, finally.

"It'd be...wrong to stay here with you considering the circumstances." I smiled weakly.

Jasper's hand wormed into mine, his arm encircling my waist.

"What circumstances? Your presence wouldn't endanger us." Carlisle said.

"Possibly not," I allowed. "But it wouldn't be ideal to be here when my enemies arrive – I doubt that the fact that the battle hadn't begun would stop your friends in their tracks."

"They're not our friends," Alice said. "I thought you gathered that when I turned them down. We'll all be here to fight the Volturi with you. We won't let them touch you."

Oh. They thought- they thought I'd be fighting against the Volturi.

"I'm not going to be fighting against the Volturi," I whispered. "I'll be fighting with them."

Various exclamations hit me but I kept my head low.

"How could you?" Rose cried. "We're your family, and you'd kill us for those life sucking shadows?"

"You know I wouldn't, Rose! I told you, I wouldn't hurt you, I wouldn't let any of them touch you! I wouldn't let any of them hurt you again!" I sobbed.

Emmett roared over it all, "You're going to side with them? With them?"

"You and I both know how ruthless they are, Bella. Over your family? Over Jasper, over all of us? I know I'm a new member, but-"

"That makes no difference," Alice finished for Flynn. Rose was seething, sobbing into Emmett's shoulder in her anger. "Bella, you- we can't stop you. But I just thought...I thought you'd choose us, your family."

"I'm scared of what will happen to me if I side with you," I mumbled.

Suddenly the silence was altogether too pressing on me. I scarpered, skidding to mine and Jasper's room.

I could hear Carlisle speaking rationally downstairs, "She's scared. And it's very far in the future, very far. We have plenty of time to help, Bella has plenty of time to decide."

"But not as long as I'd like, sugar." Jasper croaked from the doorway.

I looked up, tearstained and shaken. All I had done for Jasper, all he had done for me, was between us in this room. All of those stolen kisses, the close calls, the pain and the strife and the loss and then the _years_ of waiting, all of it was in front of me now.

Was I willing to throw that all away and fight him in battle?

"Never." I said to myself, before throwing my body over and through our history and into his waiting arms. I peppered him with kisses, clinging to his skin in desperation.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I repeated, remembering the longing with which we'd ended each kiss that fateful weekend. My dreams, my wedding, every night I saw him and every moment of every second and every day, I could never compare anything to it, not anything.

Tears poured down my face untouched, I did nothing to wipe them away. He held me tight to his chest as I clung to him, drowning in my realisations and anticipation.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" I crooned to him, clinging tighter. "It's all going to end for me, I won't put up a fight. I'll have to leave you, you'll love another. You'll forget me."

"Stop it." His voice was as rigid as his body. "I am never going to leave you. I have crawled out from a shell for you, I have fallen into the depths of madness for you, I've given up everything for you, I have fought for you, I've watched you love another, I've watched you forget about me and I've died a thousand deaths while suffocating in my blistering love for you."

His words permeated my soul, and I bristled. I had curled up in my loneliness, I had craved him and relished in him, and I wasn't going to let him go now that I had him.

"I am never going to leave you, I will never forget you." He continued. "And if you go down? Well, so do I. We go down together."

In the silence I could not express my love for him, not physically or verbally nor in any other way. Did he understand this, I will never know. The hours melted into the dawn and I stood, staring out at the sun crawling up from behind the trees.

"I love you," he said in my ear; I knew that like I, he could not find sufficient words to describe how much he loved me nor I him, the intense fire and energy that flowed through me whenever I began to think of him became too much to express.

"I love you." I repeated. "We go down together."


	34. Perspective

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**It's been too long. I want to thank so many of you for keeping me positive with reviews, emails and PMs. **

_**I'd like to plug my story Coffee House one more time. I'm having so much fun writing it, and I'd like to think many of you would enjoy reading it. **_

Also, Tracey (I hope you're reading) thank you so much for your review. I was rather teary reading it, I will admit. I do need a little encouragement – thank you so much for providing me that. Yes, I am young (15, actually. I don't think many of you knew that?) and thanks for saying that it did astound you. I often wonder if my writing is a little immature. You didn't leave an email, so I couldn't reply to you directly – I am sorry! - but thank you ever so much, really.

**Here it is for you then my dears, chapter in care of Mr Whitlock.**

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Jasper and I sat in our room, silent. He held my hand while I stared ahead.

"It'll be okay, Bella." My bony fingers curled around his hand, and I squeezed it.

"I'm going to die." I said, simply.

"What?" His eyes widened as his hand pulled away from mine and he held my shoulders with unnecessary force. "No! Of course you're not!"

"I know...I know what's going to happen now. You know what he said. It'll be the last time, for both of us. And Elizabeth...he's right. It'll be the last time. Because I'm going to die. Alice has probably seen it already. I'm going to die. I'm going to leave you."

The realisation was sinking in, and my stomach flipped, I heaved.

"Don't talk like that!" Jasper was getting angry now, clutching at my shoulders with vigour. "You're not going to die! You're the strongest vampire _ever_. You'll never die, baby. I'll protect you."

"But something's going to happen, Jazz. I'll lose all my powers or I'll faint or something stupid. I'm going to die."

"No. No, you're not Bella. You're just being stupid now, being paranoid. And even if you're not, you know what I told you."

"But, Jasper, I-" I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat – a human tendency that I was unused to. "I don't want you to die. I love you too much to die, even if I go...you can't. I need you to live, I need you to...I need you to just carry on."

"We go down together, Bella." He repeated. "You're all I have in this life. You're the only thing that makes life worth living. When you go, I'll go."

"And nothing's going to change that?" I whispered.

"Nothing is going to change that." We sat in silence for a few moments while we both absorbed that. Then, he smiled. "I don't think you know how hard I fought for you. How hard...everything has been."

"What do you mean?" I asked, curling up at his feet.

He pulled my head into his lap and began stroking my hair. "You know all about Maria...I don't have to tell you that. But Alice...well, it was a very codependent relationship. I suppose she had never known anything else and I had known everything else and thought I only wanted her.

"I've seen so much, beautiful. Things that'd hurt your pretty eyes- Edward wouldn't let me elaborate when I explained to you the first time around and I intend only to gloss over it now.

"I know what it feels like to be inside a human while they become a vampire. I know what it feels like to have someone inside you while another bites them. I know what it is like to feel a newborn body writhe under you and I know how it feels the second after you rip away their limbs: the writhing doesn't stop.

"It was hard for me to retain normalcy with Alice – I sometimes had the urge to...hurt her, when we were intimate. But I was convinced, as was she, that this was normal: this was what I needed. For quite some time, I did. I needed to know what a real relationship was like, I needed to know how to love a lady properly," he wrapped his arm gently around my neck, not to hurt me but to hold me closer.

"I'd never known how to properly, respectfully love a lady until Alice. She brought normalcy to my life, taught me normalcy. It felt...rather nice to be in a relationship that wasn't built on death, wasn't built on the need for the other to kill your prey and build your army with their carcasses."

"You and Maria?" I whispered, stroking his arm as it lay around my neck.

"Yes. She used me, I can see that now. I've only seen her once since I left her, and that didn't go...as planned. But she was so...well, I'd say she was younger than me. Was she 19, 20? I don't know... I was young though, inexperienced. I was a virgin when I met her, and she promised me so much just for a few services... I grew too old in her care. I've seen things I never want you to see, never want anyone to see." He stroked my hair with his free hand, the other's fingers gently grazing the skin behind my ear.

"I'd see it all if it meant I could understand you better," I said solemnly. It was true.

"You understand me well enough now, my dear. You're the missing pieces in my jigsaw, just because you can't see the entire picture doesn't mean you don't understand where you fit and the purpose of the jigsaw." He laughed lightly at himself, and then continued.

"Yes, Alice was what I needed for a while. I'd never thought of leaving her before you. Looking back, I wonder if we really were made for each other. I was far from innocent, and she was as pure as the snow, we never really fit personality wise – I was tortured and quiet, she was carefree and bubbly. I guess somehow necessity and familiarity made things fit. I never really cared about the differences until someone came in and shook it all up."

"I shook them up real good, huh?" I said, smiling up at him. His lips formed a smile above me.

"I hated you for it for a while. You changed everything, really fucked things up. I really loved you, and despised you at the same time. I hated myself, I hated you...I hated everything. But through all of that, some part of me, more prominent now, was blisteringly happy that you came into my life. Obviously, not that time...before we..."

"Left?" I finished for him.

"Yes. I'm so...I'm so sorry Bella. Your scent was so powerful, so good...I didn't care what you meant to all of us, who you were. Your eyes and shocked expression weren't registered, only your blood." His ashamed expression struck me and I spoke fiercely.

"No, Jasper. Love, I told you: I never blamed you, not once. Alice told you that, didn't she?"

"Oh yes," he laughed without humour. "They all told me that. 'Don't worry Jasper, she doesn't blame you', 'Jasper, she understands!' 'It's not your fault, she doesn't blame you Jasper'...and the more they said it, funnily, the less I believed it."

"But it's true, not for a second did I blame you. I felt so terrible for you, I knew you couldn't control it. It wasn't an option, I understood even as a human."

"Imagine my surprise when they left me alone with you," he chuckled. "With alcohol...oh, Alice shouldn't have suggested it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up.

"Alice suggested that Emmett leave you alcohol. It was the stupidest, most idiotic thing they could have done – Edward, understandably, was not pleased. You really were quite hilarious drunk," he teased.

"Stop it!" I groaned. "It's so embarrassing. I was so young, and gosh – to get drunk with a vampire...oh, that just makes me sound stupider!"

"I always wonder if stupider is a word..." Jasper mumbled to himself. I smiled.

"I remember it all, though." I whispered. "I remember kissing you for the first time, I remember you smiling. I remember curling in bed and crying, I remember you coming in..." I kissed him solidly on the lips. "I love you _so_ much."

I surprised myself; often when I told Jasper I loved him it sounded hollow and superficial – he told me I imagined it, but I held steady that it did. But now, my love pulsed through me and for once my words seemed to drip with the perfume of my love that was doused upon them.

"I'm so glad I found you," he mumbled against my lips. "I love you so much, I cannot possibly express it with words, my dear dear love."

I wondered for a split second when the word _love_ would be replaced by _wife_, but drowned it instantly. I was still married to Edward, even though I didn't wish to be and it had no real meaning.

"I never really understood why you came...or left that night," I spoke more to myself than him but he answered me.

"You'd left your door wide open...I couldn't help but walk in," he said, abashed. "I was dying to see you, just to breathe you in for a second. And you were crying, I could feel your guilt dripping off you...God, Bella, it was so...it felt so wrong to be making you feel that, it felt so wrong to be doing that to you when I knew I had someone who loved me but I just..." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's really hard to explain. Immensely hard to explain, my love. But I felt something for you and I know it wasn't love – because what I am feeling for you now is love, and labelling that feeling as the sme as this just makes the first feeling seem almost non-existent...but it, but you made me want to be near you all the time. You were like a magnet. I wanted to be with you all the time. And if I wasn't, I had to find you." He smiled. "I did come and find you sometimes. Watch you from your window."

"That's not creepy at all," I grinned.

"You're right," he said. "It's not."

"I would have done it if I could've. I would always think of you," I whispered. "I wasn't quite sure whether to forget...or not. I wanted you, so much...and not just in a sexual way. I wanted you with me, just to hold my hand and to be...who you were. Everything just...fit with you. You didn't need to change, I didn't need to change, because we just were."

"We still are," he smiled, kissing my knuckles.

"It almost broke my heart...at the wedding." I whispered.

I still had not broached the subject of marriage with Jasper. He and I both knew that Edward and I were legally still a couple, and we both knew that unless we had his consent, I could not divorce him and therefore I could never marry Jasper.

Truthfully, if I wasn't so scared, I would've gone and looked for him right then and there. But his warning and Elizabeth's held me back. Why go looking for the man who'd bring my demise?

"I didn't want to object. I didn't make a concious decision to object. It just...came out. I didn't even realise I'd said it until I had...and the first time was too quiet for all but vampire hearing – so I had to repeat it. I wasn't actually trying to fuck things up, doll."

I laughed. I really did love it when Jasper swore; it was so unlike him, but pleasant somehow in its vulgarity. I'd given up my swearing habit – like a nicotine fix I'd spit out a swear word in each sentence. But I'd found it quite pleasantly easy to give up the less dangerous habit if I put my mind to it. "Let's take up smoking," I suggested.

"You do come up with the most amazing things to say, don't you darling?"

"Indeed I do." I winked. "I was just thinking, I never got the chance to smoke as a human. Not that I ever wanted to. But I wouldn't mind. Especially since I can't be hurt by it now. "

"We'll try it if you want."

"I can't be hurt by anything now." I continued. "I think you treated me as more of a doll than I am. I know you call me doll..but understand, I wasn't that fragile. I could bang into a wall – it wouldn't kill me. Sometimes you all worried too much."

"I know that. It was just our force that made you more fragile."

"Where were we? You objecting?"

"Indeed we were. But that....I've tortured myself about that enough. Let's go on to other things."

"It's like you're reviewing our life," I joked. "Speaking of, next would be my wedding night. When you all argued. What happened?"

"I...I don't think it's my place to tell you all of that. Everyone said some things that they really didn't mean, and some things are best told by those who said them, do you understand?" I nodded. "We could continue to the car ride?"

"Oh." I paused. "The _car ride?"_

Despite our kissing in the rain, the car ride was tinged with unpleasantness for me. I recalled only him being so tortured (in the worst way possible) by my presence that he knocked me out.

"You nearly killed me on that car ride, my darling. Kept on making me feel things I just _knew_ I shouldn't feel; things I wasn't allowed to feel. So, I put you to sleep. It seemed simple at first, I could deal with your serenity, your light breathing and chest rising and falling steadily while you slept. Then, you began to dream."

Jasper seemed to drift for a second and I understood why. "I remember so little of dreaming, of the sensation, of the bright colours and the loud noises- though they say everything is in black and white in dream – but more than that, I don't remember anything of nightmares, of being trapped...or of the more pleasurable dreams which you, my lovely, seemed to be so prone to having." His teasing had me wanting to hide my blush, even though the blood no longer lingered in my cheeks. Reading my mind, he said, "I do miss your blush sometimes, that flowering in your cheeks. That and your heart beat, they let me hear and see exactly how I was affecting you."

"You can still see that, can't you?" I said, trying to be a little seductive.

"Yes," he whispered, kissing me tenderly. "Coming to shower? I think Alice wants us to all go shopping."

"Sure," I smiled, my fingers crawling over his leg until they found his worn hand.

**Woah this chapter held a lot of dialogue haha! I'll continue it next chapter.**


	35. Why

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

Damn it always takes me forever to update. It's cause I'm a lazy ass teenager who really has stopped giving a crap about everything she once cared about. You guys do deserve better.

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"I really will miss this place. I know it's time, but you just can't say goodbye sometimes. I know New Zealand was wonderful, but I've always felt drawn more to Denali." Rosalie commented.

"I've always felt drawn to Forks, as it happens." Jasper said with a slightly joking tone to his voice.

Today had been a family outing, a sort of celebration as we prepared to leave - five years after leaving France - our new home in Denali. We had hunted all day – and in our pairs, taken part in possibly some more intimate activities. Now, in the last rays of the sun that we usually shied away from, we sat together on a mossy bank and absorbed the light and each other's presence.

"So have I, now that you mention it. It was...always a favourite of mine." Esme smiled, nodding not-so-subtly to me.

"We should go back." Emmett said.

I'd been wistfully dreaming of suggesting this for the past two weeks since Carlisle had announced it was way past time to move. We were planning on returning to Vancouver, but a secret part of me wished only to return to the lush greenery of Forks that had once seemed so alien to me.

"I would like that." I whispered. "But is it too soon?"

Carlisle chortled. "Too soon? Bella, I was worried that it might be too soon for _you_!"

"For me?"

"Bella, it's been..." He calculated barely a moment. "Ninety years! That's more than enough time – I thought it might only bring back unpleasant memories for you."

I paused. "It might. It probably will. But I'm willing to accept that – over the years, Forks has always been my home, and it is always going to be the place I long to return to."

"So?" Emmett prompted, looking like a child at the doors of Disney World.

"Wait!" Esme spoke up, and I turned in surprise. I'd imagined Carlisle having the final say, but now it seemed that behind the good doctor was an unlikely puppet master. "Can I redecorate?"

"Of course, Dear." Carlisle kissed her hand gently. "It seems that we'll be returning," he beamed at Jasper and I, "to Forks."

"Yahoo!" Emmett boomed. Birds flew from the trees in fear of the noise and we chuckled as he and Alice jumped up and down.

"What time are we going?" Alice asked, somewhat done with her physical outburst.

"Well, if you'd like, we could leave tomorrow?" Esme said, holding onto Carlisle's hand.

"I know Bella and I would like that," Jasper said, looking at me. I nodded in agreement.

"I think we're all agreed," Rosalie said quietly.

Since I had remembered my past, Rosalie and I had drifted further apart. I was no longer the same person once I had regained my memories – I wasn't bitter and controlled, I was more impulsive and slightly more like my younger self. And while Rose and I were still on good terms, our lack of a mutual behaviour let our friendship slowly drain. She and Alice spoke less, but Alice spoke less with all of us. This wasn't in a harsh way – it was more that she was absorbed in Flynn just as I was absorbed in Jasper. Eventually, Rose had become lonely with no-one close to her but Emmett. I had honestly tried to rekindle our relationship, but when we were so different, it was difficult. She was quieter now, subdued.

"We do have to go and see Tanya and the Denali clan before we leave, however," Carlisle sighed.

"Oh, do we have to?" Flynn groaned, flopping into the grass. Alice giggled.

We'd spent an unfortunate amount of time with the Denali clan since we'd been living in Alaska. I say unfortunate because neither I nor Flynn had gotten along well with the sisters – Tanya and Kate respectively. Tanya had been vile to me since we'd walked through the door. Kate however, had been more than welcome, especially to Flynn. Alice felt threatened to begin with, before she saw that there were no future outcomes in which Flynn would choose Kate over her.

So, she elected to sit back and watch Flynn grow ever uncomfortable with the succubus clinging to him like the leech she was.

"Yes, we have to," Jasper said, sounding as disapproving as Flynn. He didn't like Tanya's reaction to me at all, and as a family, we hadn't been to see them in months. "We can't just up and leave without saying goodbye, however much I'd like to."

"Damn it!" Flynn sighed.

Alice laughed loudly again. "Oh my dearest one, I wish you didn't have to wait to see what I can see."

"What?" He asked, stunned. "Alice? Come on, tell me! Please?"

We laughed, Alice more than anyone. "No, it'll be funnier if you're surprised. And before you even attempt that puppy dog face, it won't change my choice! Bella, Rose, Esme, would you like to come up to my room and watch old Gossip Girl Blue-Ds?"

"I haven't seen that since forever!" Rose exclaimed.

Esme and I both agreed to watch, and with a kiss goodbye to Jasper, we tumbled home to watch Alice's favourite old TV show.

* * *

"I don't want to see her ever again!" I groaned. "I just want to skip the cottage-mansion and get back to Forks. For all we know, there'll be hundreds of trials and tribulations there! Why bother going through this when we _really_ don't have to?"

"Bella, baby, come on. You may be the most powerful vampire in the world, but we still need the allegiance of the Denalis. They've been friends with our family for centuries, we can't screw that up just because Tanya is being an unfair bitch to you." I smiled in spite of the dread that had set in my stomach – and it had nothing to do with our impending meeting with Tanya.

I had been harbouring a secret that only I knew of – as far as I knew, any way – and it had been slowly crushing me. In the past five years, with no deliveries of power from my Italian brethren, I had slightly been neglecting my powers. By now, only my shield and telekinesis were used fairly regularly; all else had fallen by the wayside, in more ways than one.

I could no longer fully harness all of my powers. My mind reading ability and Alice's borrowed gifts were both entirely gone, including my lover's gift. Too many vampires to name had approached me and laid down before me their gifts. And now I only held two entirely within my grasp.

_So no, my darling Jasper_, I thought. _I am not the most powerful vampire in the world._

_I am a failure. _

"I guess you're right," I lied. "Let's get ready to go."

After a long shared shower, we emerged downstairs dried, dressed and ready to go. Esme and Carlisle were already downstairs with Emmett and Alice, who were packing up the living room. We'd begun ourselves the night before.

"Okay, I'm ready, let's split." Rose said as she made her way down from hers and Emmett's room.

Running as a group was exhilarating – we raced, swerving and avoiding foliage and wildlife that fled from us. Careful to stay far from human civilization, we took an unnecessarily lengthy path, but nevertheless, reached the Denali abode within 10 minutes.

Numerous times along the way my calm was disturbed by a nagging feeling, a familiar scent or atmosphere unsettled me; it seemed to throw a cloak over our elated behaviour and shroud me in worry that set deep into the pit of my stomach and refused to dislodge with even the happiest of thoughts.

The brick structure, remodelled version, of the Denali home loomed above us as we approached, and again the familiarity of the unfamiliar remodel hit me and almost sent me sprawling with the intensity of the worry that was incessantly pounding into me like a hammer; almost recreating the heavy and nervous beat of my now silent heart.

The door wasn't closed, it appeared as though it had recently been opened and passed through. I felt strongly as though this was not an invitation for us to enter, despite the fact that they had undoubtedly heard our approach.

"Cullens," Eleazar's deep and wise voice called from inside the stone walls. It was not a question, nor was Eleazar looking for confirmation, merely making us aware that we were welcome to enter whenever we wished.

As we began to descend the porch steps, I turned to Carlisle, my hand tightening around Jasper's. "Carlisle, something is _wrong_."

"How do you mean?" He whispered, worry in his eyes. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"I- I don't know, I need to- I...I can sense something is wrong, this place feels all wrong to me...not normal...I don't know, it's very confusing."

"Maybe you're imagining it Bella?" Alice offered comfortingly.

We had all paused where we stood.

Jasper spoke in my defence. "She's feeling increasing amounts of discomfort, I doubt she's imagining it."

Emmett's muscles were tense for battle, despite Flynn's soothing words. "Bell, I'm a bit uncomfortable too, I think Allie's right, I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary going on."

Despite our hushed voices, it was likely that the vampires inside had heard us, so we made no attempt to hide the worry from our faces as we entered. Carlisle, our spokesperson as it were, went straight to Eleazar who appeared to be the only one in the living area.

"Is there anything unusual occurring, friend? Bella says she feels something out of the ordinary, and you understand-"

"It's quite difficult to explain to you, but I do think I know of what you're speaking." He settled himself. "It's not-" he paused, swallowed. The news seemed to retreat from me and I worried further. "It's not easy to just jump this on you...it's not anything- it's nothing considerable to worry about, nothing really.."

I had never heard Eleazar so flustered and at a loss for words, but Tanya came to his rescue as she strode in, flanked by her sisters.

"You're here! You just missed him! Oh how unfortunate, he seemed so alight at the idea that he'd be seeing you all!" She smirked.

"Who?" Carlisle breathed.

She laughed lightly. "Oh, I am sorry – Edward. I meant, you just missed Edward!"

Stunned expressions met her, but she continued nevertheless unperturbed.

"I'm sure if you run, you could catch up to him. Bella, aren't you the fastest in the family? Aside from Eddie, of course."

"It's Edward." I said reflexively, before snapping my mouth closed in horror.

Jasper continued for me, in a show of solidarity I knew not, but I was grateful. "We're fine Tanya, I'm sure he would have paid us a visit if he wanted our company. Thank you for the news."

"Anything for my favourite member of our extended family," she bared her teeth in a false smile and touched my arm. "I mean, you're my favourite kind of person – like the classic bitch or a tragic hero in old movies. You're _loved_ by all, but you've got a fatal flaw – you can't make your mind up about your man, that is – and you've got this intense hamartia as you think you're so amazing, and soon enough you're going to have your little moment of anagnorisis my darling, just you wait..." All were stunned into silence, but Tanya was not done. "Yes, you're really my favourite cheap whore out of all the Cullens. I simply am on tenterhooks waiting for when you try and hook the remaining Cullen men!"

"Shut up, Tanya." Jasper growled. "I have been brought up to treat a lady kindly, but the way you're behavin' ain't anythin' like a lady should be! You stop harassing my wife- love!"

He could not forget for more than a second that I was not his wife, and as much as I'd like to, neither could I. Tanya was gleeful.

"That's right, still Mrs Edward Cullen aren't you dearest Isabella? Run on after hubby, the one whose heart you broke. Speaking of heartbreaking, how are you Alice?"

It was not Flynn who spoke up over his love, but Jasper.

"That is _it_, Tanya. You lie and call Bella things you should never call a lady, but you are a downright bitch – who gave you the right to say such things about my two favourite women in this world? That's right, noone. We'll be leavin' now, consider our friendship in the trash, where you belong."

* * *

"Oh," Esme breathed.

Somehow, she conveyed the sentiments I could not; my throat seemed to have closed up and I could not breathe.

It looked so out of place somehow, an alien amongst the towering conifers and Western red cedar that had lived throughout the modernizing of this small town. A dull white against the green, it was disturbingly similar to it's younger self and it stirred many memories and emotions in me.

"Yeah, woah." Emmett smiled. "Excited about the redecorating?"

"Indeed I am, honey bunny!" Esme cried in a mock-Southern tone. "Speaking of," she began menacingly, "Bella, attic, Alice, to your room, Jasper with her, Emmett to the garage with Rosalie, Carlisle to the kitchen and living room, Flynn to the bathrooms, and I will be in the garden! Let's get this house living and breathing!"

I ran to the attic to retrieve the boxes I'd been previously allocated. Done in a minute, I turned the corner and began to descend the steps that were so familiar to me, even after years of separation, when I heard Alice's bell-like tones hushed.

"It'll be perfect, Jasper! I already have the dress, and I very much like that colour on her, you know it makes her look ethereal!"

"Alice," he hissed in a warning tone, "I can't just spring that on her! She doesn't know, I can't just organise a wedding and _then _ tell her, 'Oh Bella, by the way you're not actually ma-'" He paused. "Bella? Darling?"

I hopped down the remaining stairs. "What're you talking about?"

"Were you eavesdropping?" Jasper asked, mock-serious.

"Indeed I was." I said, unabashed. "What were you saying about weddings?"

Alice jumped in, "Flynn and I are getting married- well, he hasn't actually asked, yet," she giggled, when I began with congratulations. "But I've seen it!

"Well..wow, Al! I'm so happy for you!" I smiled.

"Bella?" Esme called. "I need you!"

"Ooh, that's me!" I joked. "But Allie, don't ruin the poor guy's thunder. You know how men don't like to be emasculated!" I winked at Jas, and took my leave.

As I walked down the stairs, I heard Jasper hiss, "Let that close call be a lesson to you, Ali!"


	36. Amor

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**An early update, surprising huh? Thank you to the nine of you who reviewed last chapter. And thanks to the 191 of you who also read but didn't review. It still means something to me. **

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_Chapter 36 – Amor_

It didn't take long for us to set up the house. I hadn't heard much more of the mysterious 'close call' of the previous week, and eventually chose to put away the thought for another time.

Things were going well; returning to Forks had, by far, been the best choice. The surrounding forest was teeming with wildlife, we'd had no trouble with wolves – so far – and it would be possible for us to enrol at Forks High and Carlisle to return to hospital since Forks had shunned the ID tagging and usually let everyone through.

Life was good.

Jasper and I, returned to the place where we began our love, were thriving. I enjoyed long walks amongst the towering greenery, and Jasper too enjoyed the history of the small town.

I had been to visit my father's grave, had cleaned it up a little and laid down flowers. I didn't stop for long to speak, and visited in the dead of night. A mysterious brunette tending to Chief Swan's grave - he who had no living descendants – would have looked more than slightly suspicious.

Everything went swimmingly (literally at some points when Emmett found hot springs around 50 miles away on a hunting trip) for a month.

It was a rainy October day that I walked from mine and Jasper's room and realised something was wrong. He'd already gone, I had been drying my hair after our shower.

I rushed down the stairs taking three steps at a time, my clumsiness as a human still holding me back slightly.

The open space before me seemed shadowed by the figures dressed in black standing facing my family.

"You're here then, Isabella." Demetri said solemnly. "This shall only be a short visit. You must prepare for war immediately."

"Immediately?" I repeated.

"Yes; the forces are accumulating. This is no prediction as before, this is a short term warning. They may well be here within the week."

"Here as in...?" I asked quietly. My family stared at me with solemn eyes, they had obviously already heard this news. Carlisle was on the phone, talking quietly. Alice was hissing once again at Jasper in the kitchen, but Flynn was by her side this time.

"Here as in Forks. It seems to be the only place that the vampire world can pinpoint the Cullens. And you do seem to be the catalysts for trouble." He let out a malicious smile. "I trust you'll be needing this, Mistress." Demetri held out a black cloak not unlike his own. It was a challenge – would I waver or stand my ground?

I accepted the cloak. "You know where my loyalties lie."

"Then we will bid you adieu."

Demetri and the two flanking cloaks exited and unlike before, the shroud did not lift from our home.

I looked at the cloak in my hands.

* * *

Hours later, Jasper and I sat on our bed upstairs together. We had been talking about the upcoming war.

I had not yet voiced my own fear – amongst Jasper's military persona, full of plans, techniques and choices, there seemed to be no place for my quiet revelation.

Then Jasper took my hand, bringing me out of my dreamlike state. "Darling, were you even listening?"

"Not really, no." I smiled sheepishly.

"Don't matter I guess." He said, his Southern twang reappearing as it always did when his emotions were heightened. "But you need to listen to this."

He clasped both my hands tightly, and against mine, his were shaking. "The family- we might not all come out of this unscathed. I'm not saying...dead, but there could be casualties. And I don't wanna risk that with you. With anyone."

"Well neither do I Jazz, but we can't stop this. It isn't a little run in with a nomad, or even newborn vampires. This is the entire vampire world accumulating against its ruling force. This is a revolution, this is an uprising."

"I've been around to know the dangers of uprisings." He sighed. "I know I could lose someone. Not you; you're strong and doubly protected. But if we lost any of the family...it'd tear us all apart, Bella. You have to understand how dangerous this is before you go choosing a side. It's a war over nothin', Bella. We've been getting on fine with the Volturi's damn behavior for centuries, we coulda' left it that way. This war is over nothing."

"So all I've got to do," I said, "is pick the side that's gonna win."

"Don't quote at me Angel, not when I'm so angry." He stroked my hair, ran his fingers through my loose curls.

"Sorry, you know how I like that song." I grinned, but became solemn. "I know that sides is important. And I love you, but I haven't chosen yet. You need to give me time- you need to let me battle reason inside myself before I choose whether to don that cloak or not." He hung his head. "Even if I'm wearing that cloak, I'll walk out there beside you, I'll kiss you good luck. I won't touch a hair on your head. I could never hurt those I love." Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. "I would never do that again." I amended.

Jasper looked up, and breathed out. "When we walk out there, possibly to my death, I want you beside me."

"It'll be my death too, darling. I'll never leave you...and I've not been truthful." I began.

"How so?" A frown darkened his features.

"I've been losing my powers, dear. I can't really...harness them all any more. Sometimes I can get a few to work weakly...but only two are really strong."

"How? How did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded.

"Disuse. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think me weak. But you know now." I murmured.

"I'll protect you," Jasper growled, lion-like. "I'll protect you with everything I have. Not one of those scum will touch you, friend or foe."

"Jasper, you've got to let me fight my own battles. You have to let me do this. And we might walk out unscathed, we might not walk out. But I'll be with you, all the time. We won't be far from each other, and at the end – I'll find you. I'll always find you."

"I love you." He murmured, voice deep and unsure.

"I love you too, more than you could know. You truly are my all."

We stared at each other, and Jasper's mouth began to open, ready to say something. He stopped and stared at me so intensely that I felt a tightening in my chest.

Alice audibly growled and a resulting fist against the ceiling had Jasper sweating. "Just do it!" She screeched. "Now!"

"What the hell are you-" I started, connection broken, preparing to go downstairs. I'd been shaken from the day's events and I wasn't in the mood for Alice being shrill.

"Bella. Baby." Jasper murmured huskily. "Listen to me right now, okay?"

Of course, I couldn't say no to him when he spoke like that and kept my silence.

"I lied." My mouth opened instantly to protest, but he put a finger gently over my lips. He was all calm and control today, the direct opposite of myself, who'd had a day full of outbursts and unreliability. "I lied about the key. Do you remember it?"

I nodded and crossed to the bureau. It was an ornate object; carved into the front by none other than Emmett was our family crest, our reminder of the present, past, and future. In the second draw down lay a box also ornate but looking slightly worse for wear. It was old during my human days, and now was becoming more like an heirloom – rather than what I saw as an heirloom that lay inside.

I had outgrown jewellery a while back, only allowing Alice to apply it to me when she descended from her hovel before a night out with Rosalie – this, of course, being while I was still in love with Edward.

And so the bracelet cradling an infant, a shoe, a bear, a swan, a jigsaw piece, a diamond heart, a lion and a lamb, a wolf and finally – a key was laid to rest in an ornate trinket box that an aunt of Renee's had given me when I was born.

It now was time, on the cusp of war, that I decided to retrieve it. "Yes, I remember it." I said, smiling and returning to the bed.

"Good. Because yes, I lied - it does open something."

He handed me a plain silver box that had a small keyhole. I needed no instruction, I inserted the key, still attached to the years old bracelet, and turned.

"Clockwise," he whispered, eyes trained on me.

There was a soft click and I lifted the box gently, my breathing accelerating even before I spied what was under the lid.

Inside was a wedding ring.

Before I had a chance to speak, Jasper was on one knee at the side of the bed, my hand in his. "I don't know if we'll live through this, Bella, whether you take the Volturi's side or not, but whatever happens, I want you to be my wife when we walk out there and lay down our lives. You're my other half, my everything. I have fought for you, and I have died for you, and all my life, human and vampire, I have been looking for the chance to find someone who completes me, who is all I could need and all I could ever want and I have found her in you. I want to spend every moment with you, in life and whatever comes after. I want to be tied to you officially, too, when we walk out there. I know this isn't the best time to suggest this, but I had to ask you. I have to do it now, before it's too late. I love you too much to lose you. Please, be my wife."

Words failed to come for an instant as I swallowed tears that weren't able to fall. The second of hesitation brought uncertainty to Jasper's touch, but I softened and whispered, "Yes. Yes, of course I will."

I threw my arms around him, feeling his body around mine, before pulling back and looking at the ring, nestled amongst red velvet.

Jasper extended his hand for the box, and I gave it to him.

"I liked when you wore the bracelet. It made me feel like you had the key to us on it, the key to my happiness and to my future and to my heart. It gave me hope." He pushed the ring on my third finger and kissed it.

"I'm sorry I stopped wearing it, love," I said, resting my forehead against this. "But I promise, I will never remove this."

"If I could, darlin', I'd wrap you in my love. And I'll never remove that."

We kissed, and questions could wait, for now.


	37. Questions

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Aw, shit, guys. Sorry! What else can I say? I won't do it again? **

**I'm just going to let you guys know that once this story & Coffee House are done and dusted, I probably won't write any more. I guess that part of me is going. It's somewhere very far away.**

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Chapter 37_- Contended_

My back arched and I dug my nails into Jasper's chest as he shuddered beneath me.

"I love you," I managed, before my world shattered again.

The high was indescribable when Jasper and I joined. When I finally came down, I slumped against Jasper's chest and he kissed my forehead. It reminded me of a previous time on an uncomfortable sofa when my forehead was slick with the sweat of exertion and ecstasy.

I eyed my third finger as it lay on Jasper's chiseled chest. "This probably isn't the time-" I began, drawing circles on his collarbone, "but I have a question I need to ask you."

"And what's that my beautiful?"

"How can we get married when Edward and I are still...technically married?"

"Well, put some clothes on, because you have about 50 seconds."

I jumped up and pulled clothes on before saying, "50 seconds until what?"

"Until I come in to explain, silly!" Alice said, smiling from the doorway.

"Al, that was way less than 50 seconds," Jasper chastised.

Sometimes I thought that if Flynn and I died, Jasper and Alice would reunite. Especially when they looked at each other like that.

I quickly pushed away the thought and started talking. "So, would you like to explain?"

"Before Edward left, I had him sign some documents – seeing as how he owed me a favor. And later on, I got you to sign a credit card bill. Using some cunning, I had you and Edward successfully divorced before you and Jasper even started considering the prospect of marriage."

"So...I haven't been legally married to Edward in years?"

"Decades." Alice said.

I was slightly conflicted for a second, before simultaneously hugging and hitting Alice.

"I hate to steal your thunder, Bella, but Flynn and I are also engaged to be married." Sheepishly Alice looked from under her eyelashes.

"Oh, of course not! I'm so happy for you, congratulations!" I paused. "That means we can have a-"

"I know!" Alice cut in, having seen this already. "And guess what- I've already planned a large wedding for you, so fitting us all in won't take much work! I've already sent out invites this morning!"

"You've _what?_" I spat. "Without telling me? When is it? What about my dress?"

"I know you'll like everything, this just saves time because the wedding is next Thursday, and your dress is measured exactly to your size and is in the back of my closet."

"Next _Thursday_? It's Sunday today Alice! For God's sake!" I stared furiously at Jasper while he tried to control his laughter. I inhaled, and turned back to Alice. "Okay. Thank you for going to all this trouble. Can I see the dress?"

"Yes, I suppose you can," she smiled. "Would you like to see mine?"

"I'd love that," I said, grabbing a jacket and following her. "Have you gotten Esme and Rosalie's dresses too?"

"Yes, I'm assuming you're steadfast on your decision to have Rosalie as your Maid of Honor?"

"Yep – and what color are the dresses?"

"A candy pink – they're quite Grecian styled dresses." I nodded as we slipped into hers' and Flynn's room.

My dress was fascinating. A beautiful monstrosity of silk and tulle, it was whiter, larger, and more extravagant than my first wedding dress by more than a mile. I loved it.

Alice's dress was pleated, a simple a-line dress, small compared to mine and I wondered why she hadn't gone full out, but she answered for me.

"My first wedding dress was rather a simple one, and I like the idea of cementing the relationship simply. When we renew our vows I'll wear a big dress- it would have swamped me anyway." She smiled cheekily.

Esme and Rosalie's dresses were a pastel pink, strapless and silky. I imagined it would fit Esme's look better than Rosalie with her voluminous hair and striking beauty, but Alice would undoubtedly soften both.

The two then appeared in the door, watching us trying on our dresses and ooh-ing in the correct spaces.

After I'd slipped my dress back into its protective bag, I turned to Rose.

"I know Alice has probably already told you, but I want to ask you officially – will you be my Maid of Honor?"

Her pale face lit up and she rushed forward to wrap her arms around me. "Thank you so much Bella," she pulled back to look at me. "I'm so glad it's finally happening for you and Jasper, it's taken you two so long, and now it's all falling into place."

I beamed back at her, ignoring the nagging feeling that the war might pull us in opposite directions from one another.

Alice and Rose went to the bathroom and began to talk about hair and make up for the wedding at length.

I turned to Esme, suddenly wishing I had something to say to her. Was she wondering why I had chosen Rosalie over her, when she and I had been practical enemies for most of my human life? She sat down on the swelling cushions of Alice's sofa.

"I can't believe it's finally happening," she said, breaking the silence. "In the best way, of course. Yours and Jasper's wedding – there was a long time where I thought it would never happen. When I thought you'd never get your memory back."

"I suppose there was a long time where I thought so too." I smiled gently.

"You've changed so much. Truthfully, in good and bad ways. Sometimes it broke me to watch the bad ways, and think about how this was now normal for you but the Bella I had met and instantly taken to, the Bella who loved Edward would never do anything like it." She inhaled, having gotten slightly flustered. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Thinking back, I can see why you'd have felt that way. I like to think we're still close...maybe not as close as we were..." I swallowed awkwardly.

"Yes, maybe not as close as we were, but I still consider you as part of the family Bella, and I still love you."

"I love you too, Mom. Sorry if I don't show it all the time."

"Come on you two," Alice called. "We've got some major hair and make-up prep to do!"


	38. Wonderful

**Sorry. Again. I have massive exams in a week, so no more updates for a while. Only 2 chapters left anyway guys, and if you have done, thanks for sticking with me this long.  
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"I can help you in, if you want me to," Jasper looked at me, dithering in the middle of the room.

"You're not meant to see the bride before the wedding!" I squealed, trying to cover the dress as it hung gracefully on the hanger.

"Bella, not even the added luck from not seeing you before our wedding could save us from your bad luck," he chuckled. "I'm serious. Pass it here, I'll help you in."

Jasper let his fingers trail gently across the tight material of my corset, and lifted the dress over my head. For a second the material – tulle and lace and mesh – engulfed me like a snowdrift, but my head emerged to see Jasper smiling down at me.

"You look too beautiful." He murmured, smiling but subdued; he smoothed my hair and pushed a curl back behind my ear.

"Too beautiful?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows.

"I'll never be able to concentrate on Flynn and Alice when you look like you've descended from Heaven."

I almost blushed, ducked my head. My mind wandered downstairs as his lips rested on my forehead, listening to the hoards of vampires on the lower level of our house. The invitations had, somehow, reached the vampire contacts we had all over the world in three days, and they were now all congregated in our living room two days later. It was Thursday, 14th of October 2099.

When I had last been downstairs before Rose got me entirely prepared, the scene had been restless somewhat.

The Volturi, including the wives – a scene which Carlisle assured me was _very_ unusual – occupied the corner furthest from the garden, all sipping on genuine Bloody Mary's. A drink devised by Aro, it was the blood of a carefully selected virgin that the Volturi drank only on special occasions. They'd brought their own from Italy thankfully, lest we have to find and drain a virgin ourselves. Jane and Alec were sullen, looking with no interest at our marble floor. Caius, Marcus and Aro sat at the center of the nest with the remaining wives, guarded subtly by Felix and Demitri. The rest of their group was large; they had left a meager 15 guards at Volterra to guard the grounds and precious secrets they held inside.

The majority of the vampire world was expected to be at our wedding, since the schism between human drinkers, animal drinkers and those who substituted with synthetic chemicals had lessened drastically as our numbers dwindled to a significantly smaller amount than during my human years. There was too much technology.

For the most part, our guests stood towards the doors that led to our spacious garden, some drinking from decanters and others from the plain white bottles holding their substitutes for blood. I had tried it, and it was vile.

Our guests were the usual suspects in some ways – many of them had been to my previous wedding – but there were new faces whom had also joined us. Among the new and old faces mingling were Charles, Peter and Charlotte, Alistair, Tina, Nikki, Maria, Eric, Eli and Jennifer. The last three held their white flasks tightly, eyes black as they unwillingly were tempted by the virgin blood in my clan's bonewhite fingers. The Irish, Amazonian, and Denali covens stayed together, recognizing each other from previous occasions.

"Love?" Jasper pulled away from my forehead slightly but held me fast around the waist. "How do you feel?"  
I swallowed. The majority of me was terrified. Not of marriage, of course, but the upcoming threat; the uprising. "Happy." I smiled, telling the truth. "You've made me so, so happy...But I'm terrified at the same time." I lowered my voice to less than a breath. "Can you feel the tension downstairs? The anger?" I flinched as he nodded. "I think...I think it may be coming...sooner."

Jasper sat me down on the chaise-long. "I need you to be strong. Every vampire here is engulfed in thoughts of the uprising. Haven't you noticed how the Brothers are protected? How the smaller clans or those on the family's side are staying together? Their placing downstairs is strategic. I worry that if something might trigger them..." he trailed off, staring into my stricken face. "I will marry you first, Bella. Once we're bonded, nothing will hurt us."

I smiled at him; I beamed. He was my anchor as I walked down to the second floor; Esme was herding everyone to their seats outside on the lower level.

I ran quickly through the plan in my mind; Flynn and Jasper would walk first, Alice would go next, and myself last.

Nerves bubbled in my throat, and I tried in vain to swallow hysteria. For once, I was nervous for the _right_ reason. I was marrying the man I loved and I knew that this time it was completely right – there were no second guessings and awkward situations, just our love for one another; infinite and so strong it might be tangible. This time, I was nervous due to the oncoming storm.

I stood by the door, and watched my family walking down the aisle, glistening in the rare Forks sun. Alice was the last to leave my side, planting a little kiss on my cheek.

Her dress swirled fluidly along the pathway as she walked to the altar adorned in pale blossoms; the appreciation of her beauty and admiration were tangible in the air somehow, and for a split second my human self wanted to run and hide.

I stepped forward and focused on trees beyond the altar; I did my best to ignore the stares and the quiet wittering about my beauty. As I walked, clouds begun to shade the sun, ceasing the painful dazzle of the scores of vampires glistening but also sending a cold chill through me as a breeze burst into the clearing.

In the Bible, matrimony is about joining together a man and woman eternally in the image of God. Nevertheless, the relationship was not in the words, but the physical connection. Reaching Jasper and taking his hand, I pondered this. Who was to say that the Bible's writings were correct, who was to say that things done unconventionally, untraditional, were incorrect? Jasper had been my husband long before we'd reached this aisle – he was my equal, and my love. I could not imagine a ceremony would need to confirm our love in any way.

Carlisle smiled in front of us. "Thank you all for coming. We all know that today is a joyous one for finally Flynn and Alice, and Jasper and Bella, are with their soulmates ready to face a long future full of love." I smiled up at Jasper.

It was finally our time.

"I'll begin with Alice and Flynn, who've written their own vows. Alice, first?"

I turned to look at Alice, standing next to me on the left. She didn't have cards of any form; because of our impeccable memory they were worthless. Nevertheless my vows were on small printed cards, so that I had the subtle anchor.

"Flynn," she began. "There is so much I could say about you. You have my undying love, and I know it is something you do not take lightly. I went through a lot of pain to reach you, and more pain after that. I can only imagine how it would have been doubled had I not had your hand to hold, your shoulder to cry on, and your arms to wrap around me." She looked down and then held his hands. Jasper's fingers dug into my ribs slightly.

"I have watched you struggle and bloom while falling for me and loving me and fitting in this environment that you had never experienced before. You have kept my feet on the ground, you have kept me hoping for a future without pain and the searing memories. Had I not had you, I would have had nothing; I would have always longed for something but never known what, for you opened my eyes and broadened my mind: you gave me something I could never have imagined previously." She squeezed his hands, and then let go. "I love you."

Flynn was smiling down at her when he started. "Alice. When I found you it may have been by chance – another happy coincidence in a string of them all over the universe. But I honestly think I was lead to you that day, and I was lead to you while you were in pain, searching for answers. Fate let me give you the answers and in turn you gave me answers to questions I didn't even know I was asking. I know you're still in pain, and I know you still struggle. I know you always will. But in turn I want you to know that I will always be with you to take away your burden. I want only to be with you forever. I love you, Mary Alice."

Emmett handed them their rings, which they exchanged, and Carlisle pronounced them man and wife.

"And now, Isabella and Jasper; Bella would you like to go first?"

Preferably not, I thought quietly. I could feel my vows bunching together in my head, quickly stumbling into order, ready to be spoken. My hands twitched at the cards underneath my bouquet. I let them be.

"Jasper," I swallowed. "Jasper, you've given me so much. Hope, love, affection, a reason to be. If only I had been able to make my choice so long ago then this day wouldn't have taken so long to arrive." Regret lined my face briefly, but I shook it off. "I remember kissing you for the first time, I remember when we watched movies on the sofa and when you rang me and spoke to my father and I was worried he'd try and shoot you. I remember the way your arm felt around me and the way it still does; I feel the same thrills with you as I did on that first day and every day since. Everything you have given me is too much to write out, to list. All I know is that you make my life worth while, worth living, and I hope one day I can give you even a fraction of what you've given me. Nothing is right if it is not with you. When I'm without you I feel lost, like I have no grasp on anything without your guidance and presence. You complete me in so many ways, and I will always love you."

Jasper kissed my forehead briefly and Carlisle smiled. "Jasper, do you take Bella to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Jasper looked down at me again and smirked. "As if you need to ask. Of course I will." He kissed me briefly once again and I gently pushed the ring onto his finger.

"Jasper, would you like to say your vows?" Carlisle asked.

"You are the only hope there is in life for me, dearest Bella. When I look at you I can forget all the pain I went through before I found salvation – and then the Hell I was dragged through before I finally had you to myself. I remember the first time I saw you, a nervous new student, 17. You were standing in the corridor, fussing over your locker combination that was scrawled on some torn notepaper. I hoped to look past you and see the humanity, the basic human need to be wrapped in sin and frivolity, but you still shined, clean, pure, different to the rest. I hoped to forget you even when I had someone, I hoped to forget you when you had someone. You have been my life for longer than you nor I could comprehend, before I knew you and I was searching for something – you were that something." He stopped to wipe a bloody tear from my cheek.

"Some may say after the heartbreak and the pain, was it worth it? I know without a doubt that I have lived for many years, maybe more than I deserved – and you are the light that shines through it all, the murder, the deceit, the unjust life. And while I was happy for some of my long life," he looked over his shoulder briefly at Alice and smiled, "you are the one who has dominated my thoughts, actions and feelings for longer than I could have ever previously comprehended. I will love you to the end of the earth, Bella. Every single thing you do is right to me, even if to others you could not be more wrong. I will sacrifice everything for you my life, and I want only for you to allow me to love you unconditionally."

"Do you take Jasper to be your lawfully wedded husband, Bella?" I could only nod and smile, and the ring slipped onto my finger.


	39. Final Fight

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Well, this is the last chapter. I'm finally, finally done. Epilogue, last chapter - and alternate ending. Every single thing is done. You can probably find solace in the MASSIVE size of this chapter. Reviewing would be very very appreciated.  
**

* * *

When the shadows on the wall began to show the dawn, I stretched and rolled over. Jasper was lying with his eyes open, staring at me.

"Don't feel like that."

I shut my eyes. "I can't help it. This is all my fault."

"How in the hell is this your fault, Bella?" Jasper wanted to know, suddenly angry. "You joined the Volturi to regain your memory. So did I. The Volturi are being attacked by the vampire world, including our family. We're choosing to fight with our family."

"But if I hadn't joined the Volturi, then you wouldn't have, and then our family wouldn't be forced to fight, and they wouldn't be the main target because we'd betrayed the Volturi!"

"Bella." Jasper whispered. "My _wife_. We're going to come out of this unscathed." He gently stroked my forehead. "Our family will be fine. You will be fine. I will be fine. And the Volturi will be demolished. We will be safe."

"But-" I started.

"Don't." He said, rubbing at his eyes. "I don't want you to worry."

"But I am." A grimace appeared on my face as my venomous tears began to run down my face. "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." He said, rubbing at his eyes again, though _his_ tears would never fall.

"I _could_." I sobbed, and he held me, whispering, _"I won't die, I'll stay with you" _like a mantra in my ear.

"I will not exist without you." I vowed. "If I cannot save you, then I will come too."

He did not contradict me, knowing that I meant what I said. "More than my own life." He quoted my wedding ring.

I smiled weakly. "More than my own life."

"Bella?" Alice called. "Jasper?"

I called back thickly, "We'll be down soon."

Jasper and I got out of bed wrapped in each other, and pulled on our clothes. We were no longer two separate entities, we were as one. Jasper was gently kissing my shoulder as I brushed out my hair when he stiffened suddenly, a second before Alice's screech tore through the house.

We rushed downstairs, joined by Emmett and Rosalie on the stairs. Alice was curled on the floor, rocking backwards and forwards like a child, hands over her eyes to block out her sight.

"What's happened?" I asked Flynn, kneeling on the floor next to Alice. "What's wrong?"  
Flynn's eyes were wide, terror filled. "Bella, she's-" he stopped, flaring his nostrils and shaking his head. "She's had a vision. It- it's not a normal one. Her eyes, my God her eyes!" He collapsed next to her, wrapping his arms around her so they both rocked, humming while Alice let out a painful low keening, never ending.

I shared glances with Rosalie who sat down next to me. "Alice," I whispered slowly, "can you look at me Alice?"  
She made a negative sound, and I began to move my hands to hers to gently peel them away from her eyes, only to notice- they were caked in blood.

"Alice," Rosalie gasped. "Alice, what have you done?"  
Flynn looked up at us, torment twisting his face. "Her eyes...she's... her eyes!"

Jasper nudged me gently backwards and pried Alice's bloody nails from her eyes. She had tried to scratch her eyeballs from their sockets; fast drying blood was clumping in her eyelashes and torn segments of skin were slowly knitting back together as only a vampire's can. Further than this, the eyes in her sockets were entirely pitch black.

"Alice," Jasper said soothingly. "What have you seen?"

She shuddered for a long while and convulsed as she tried to speak, attempting once again to claw out her raven eyes only to be restrained. Finally, she spoke the words that I knew she would, whether I had lost my sight or not.

"It has come. Tonight."

* * *

We spent the majority of the next hours contacting or catching up with those on their journey home from the wedding. Thankfully the Denali clan had stayed with us and were able to collect the allies possible.

Doused in terror I spent the day with Alice, restraining her from clawing her eyes out and calming her while she screamed hysterically at the sights she was witnessing. By seven o' clock in the afternoon, she had calmed, resigning herself to the possibilities and the definites of her visions. Her eyes remained vacant and completely eclipsed by the horror of her visions, but she managed to sit up against the silk headboard and hold my hand as I panicked and tried not to show it.

The moon was already high in the sky and the sun had long set, full and proud it hung in the sky – a beacon and an omen peeking out of the dark clouds covering the hopeful stars. I knew we had very few hours left until whatever Alice could see would come true. We had manage to collect the majority of our guests, who conferred together downstairs about strategies, but also spent time with their loved ones in the few precious hours left. I was without Jasper on our first day of marriage; his experience in the newborn wars was vital and I was needed to look after Alice.

After being silent for a long while, Alice cleared her throat, and the sound was level-headed. She took my hands. "I can't tell you what will happen – I don't know myself yet. The possibilities are swirling in my head like a storm; it hurts. But as things get nearer, I know. And I need to prepare you, you need to know this because I fear this may hurt you more than whatever else is to come."

I inhaled sharply, preparing myself but also running through the horrific options. "What is it, Alice?" I breathed.  
She swallowed. "He's back, Bella. He's in the grove just beyond the garden waiting. He wants to talk to you."

I didn't need to know who he was- I already knew. I called Rosalie and Esme to look after Alice and rather than descend the stairs where I'd be in full view, I jumped from the window.

The garden was quiet, deadly. I heard the rustle of leaves in the trees and the minute squelch of my feet on the damp grass – it had rained overnight. Wildlife seemed to have fled, sensing the oncoming battle, and so I could hear his breath. Erratic, distressed. As I walked my pace quickened, not in anxiousness to see him again - though right now I felt the need for his embrace somehow – but in fear of the noises behind me, the scurrying of squirrels left behind, the rustle of insects fleeing their mossy trees. The sound felt as though enemies were closing in. I could feel as I got closer to him, the connection between us somehow lingering.

And then there he was. He was shirtless, covered in dirt and dried blood. He wore torn jeans and walked bare foot. His hair was matted, filled with twigs and leaves. He looked wild, but still Edward. Still Edward.

I launched myself into his arms and he caught me, his arms twisting around me and holding me tightly, he gave away a different kind of warmth than every other embrace I'd had in the past few decades. I buried my face in his muscled shoulder, ignoring the dirt and the scent of old death that irritated my nose, because underneath he was still Edward.

I could hear him inhaling, tightening his grip on me slightly. I pulled back. He was smiling and as he stroked my hair I looked up into his familiar eyes, registering their blood red tone under the moonlight. I shook the disgust away. Still Edward.

No matter how much I loved Jasper, and I loved him, Edward would always be there. Like a scar from an accident as a child, like the first tattoo that might have been a little ill-advised but you cherished anyway because it was the first.

'You've come back," I said, slightly choked.

"Of course I've come back Isabella. I'll always come back when you need me, when the family needs me. I love you, remember?" I chose to ignore what was blatantly more of a romantic love than the family love I knew he was disguising it in.

"Where have you been?" I murmured, stepping back.

"Anywhere, everywhere. My life has altered drastically in the time I've been away; I'm more learned, better experienced." I nodded, accepting this turn of events. I began to speak and suddenly I was back in his arms, looking up at his face expressing everything he'd been waiting to say that I'd been hoping would never happen. "Come back to me. I've been waiting all this time, sure that you'll want my love once again. Don't tell me that isn't true. Don't kill this. It's still there Bella, my light, my everything, can't you see it?"

I extracted myself from his embrace. "It's not there any more Edward." I shook my head. "I won't."

"It's time, Bella. It's time to decide which side you're _really_ on. And I don't just mean in the battle, I want to know that you want me back. I felt it when you ran to me, I felt the memory of your heart thumping at seeing me. I felt your love again."

"Edward," I whispered, "it's too late. I love Jasper, you know that deep down. We were married yesterday. He is who I was meant to be with. I still love you, of course...but we're the past. It's time for us to appreciate our old love and move on- to be family. I need you as my family tonight, not my love."

He nodded. "I can accept that." His crimson eyes looked pained. "But I want you to know when we step back here soon that I'll be fighting for you. I'm always fighting for you Bella. I'm fighting for you when I'm running from the uneducated police, I'm fighting for you when my nose is buried in ancient texts to try and get my mind off you. I was fighting for you even when I bit the throats of women in their beds. When I betrayed you physically I did it for you mentally. I did all of this badness so there would be some of me left to give you. And I will fight for you even if you don't want it."

I walked back to the house with him, close to each other. I felt the vibrations of his fingers reaching for mine in the air then thinking better of it. I entered the house through the French doors with him, surprising and startling some of our guests who believed me to be upstairs. Jasper was sitting around the corner on the large oak table, banging out targets and plans. He looked up in horror at us, betrayal coloring his face.

In that look I realized the fear that Jasper suffered even now that I would leave him for Edward. I walked to him and pressed my forehead against his cheek.

"Nothing's changed, no-one could take your place," I whispered. I felt him relax, and I kissed him swiftly on the lips before retreating upstairs, watching Carlisle hugging Edward to him, greeting him with, "son."

When I reached the bedroom, Alice jumped from the bed, grabbing my hand. She scanned it frantically and upon seeing Jasper's ring still firmly on my third finger, sunk back to the bed. "I didn't know what you'd choose," she explained. "Memories are returning tonight. I didn't know the outcome of your talk."

I did, in more ways than one. A few words bounced inside the walls of my head as I leaned it on Rosalie's shoulder. _You'll meet again, for the last time. _

_

* * *

_

We were all sitting downstairs when the enemies approached the grove near the house. The place where there had been births – mine as a vampire – and weddings, would now be a graveyard.

Jasper's arms were wound around me and his head was pressed against my back, breathing steadily. Tears were dripping from my eyes as I prepared myself, looking around the room at all of our friends cherishing the last moments, getting ready. Who would I see again? Would I see any of them again after this night?

I wondered briefly who would lead the pack, but my thoughts were answered when I heard Aro's commanding tones calling my name. Every eye was on my face as I stood and walked, everyone gravitating towards me and following. The walk through the garden this time was not like my meeting with Edward. I was reconciled; I knew the outcome.

Fight or flight. I knew the fight was nearing, the pearly white skin of the Volturi and their minions peeked from behind the trees. I wouldn't fly from this – I was determined. I lead the army, Jasper to my left, and Edward to my right. The rest of the Cullen clan formed a triangle behind me, fierce and strong. Our friends backed us, prepared for the fight.

I stood nose to nose with the man I called brother. "I'm sad it's come to this, Aro." I said slowly. He had many inches on me in height but I held my own.

"I'm sad to see you've picked the losing side, sister. Though I can no longer call you that. The time for change has come and no longer will your army live. It's over, Isabella."

I laughed at him. "You've no idea."

My hand came too quick for him; his taunting had angered me and now he was the first casualty. Old and experienced he was- but still old. My anger had me lashing out, his head clean off first, before I dug my nails into his stony flesh, tearing him away from the torso and onwards. As I knelt briefly to begin the burning, the battle begun.

Jasper latched himself immediately to Demetri and an intense battle begun, full of twists and turns – Jasper was holding himself well.

I turned around, and Jane was advancing towards me.

I laughed, coldly. "Still as powerless as always, aren't you dear?"

"Not at all, Isabella." She smirked.

I scoffed loudly. "You can't even touch me – you don't even know how to fight."

She launched herself forward like a hunter, grabbing at my limbs. I shook her off.

"Ooh, so you _have_ learnt a little, then?" I said, circling her as she lay on the floor. "But still a beginner."

She lunged at me again, scrabbling at my face. My anger was my power today, and my telekinesis was still somewhat alive. I held her in the air with it, feeling the power draining from me quickly.

"You're boring me now, Jane." I said apathetically, before flinging her into the fire and holding her there while she perished.

When the job was done, I turned back around, and surveyed the clearing. I watched Zafrina blinding Felix for me and set the ground around him aflame, and Zafrina smiled at me triumphantly. We were winning.

I sensed it before Alice screamed; I smelt it – the unfamiliar scent of dirt and old death, and the familiar scent of one I would never forget. I swerved to my left, watching the fire licking the sky.

"Edward!" I screamed, dashing over to the pyre, hoping to pick the pieces out of the inferno.

There, facing up at the top of the pile, lay Edward's head. And his red eyes, though blank, his mouth, though closed...they all seemed to be calling out to me. He did not want to be saved.

I had caused him so much pain, his heart had been broken too many times because of me and my hurtful ways. He wanted to perish, to end this hell of a life, not caring about where he would go next. He wanted me to let him die.

"Oh, Edward." I sobbed, dropping to my knees, the flames not touching me.

I could not watch, however, as the flames choked higher into the sky, as his face slowly burnt away, leaving those blood-red orbs, forever sunken into his burning cheeks, until eventually, there was nothing left. Because there was still a war raging on, and my family was still in danger.

I had never seen anything like the organized chaos in the clearing.

How many had they lost? How many had we?

I looked for those who were missing. Edward...Jane, Alec, Eleazar, Carmen, Tanya, Caius and Aro, Felix, Kate, Amun and Kebi...Marcus and Afton...Demetri, Charles, Peter and Charlotte, Alistair. The Denali Coven was no more; neither was the Western Coven, or the Volturi triad. Two of the European Nomads were also gone. I watched helplessly as Heather lost her fight to Demetri, her fate too late to change.

Suddenly, I felt a force advancing towards me. Only one person held that presence; Elizabeth.

"Hello, Bella." She said quietly.

"Elizabeth," I began. "I don't want to kill you. Can't we work this out?"

She shook her head. "I warned you it would be the last time when you saw the red-eye. You will perish. It won't be by my hand, however."

I advanced towards her, not bothering to crouch as all others were doing. I was too powerful for that. With the numbing force that was Alec's power, I left her to burn helplessly in the pyre.

How many were there left? Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Flynn...my family was still mostly intact. Maria, Kimberly, Heather and Jennifer – the Obirah sisters were mostly still alive. Eli, Stefan, Vladimir and Wilhelm were hovering around, preferring to observe than fight.

_What is the point of this constant killing?_ I wondered, as I watched Jasper decimate Tina. He flashed me a quick smile as he gathered up her limbs and flung them into the flames.

"Mistress Isabella." I heard Chelsea's soft voice from my left.

I whipped around to look at her. "Chelsea."

"I want you to know...I'm sorry for what has happened."

"I can spare your life, Chelsea. If you say that you surrender." I truly was fond of Chelsea and her kindness, and I could tell by the longing in her eyes that she wanted to surrender.

"Alas, Mistress, I cannot. I have accepted that you are fighting for your lover, and as you are aware, I'm sure-" she glanced at Emmett quickly "-I have lost mine. I do not come here to fight you, I do not come to surrender."

I realised what she wanted now. I gulped.

"I am coming here to you, as a friend, Bella. I want you to kill me."

"I don't think I can do that, Chelsea," I said, a little choked up.

"I could ask anyone in this clearing to kill me, but I need you to do it, Bella. You will be merciful; you will return the favour that I have granted you by accepting your choice and thus not killing any of your family. Please, do this for me."

I nodded sombrely. "I'm so sorry, Chelsea. I'll try to make this as...easy as possible."

She smiled at me thankfully, as I blinded her senses. But, I could not leave her to the darkness as she perished. I conjured up an image of Afton for her, as I began tearing away her limbs.

"Thank you." She knew what I was doing. She could not feel it, but she knew that I had granted her an image for a reason. When she was gone, I sighed wearily. They were together now. That was all that mattered.

I thought about Edward.

He did not have anyone. Maybe Tanya, once...but not at the end. Only his blood-lust, and his broken heart. What was it like on the other side, I wondered. Was it dark? Was there a heaven? Would Chelsea see Edward, would she see Afton? Would Edward see his mother, his father? My parents, maybe?

I hoped he could find some peace wherever he was now. He had believed that he did not have a soul, but he was Edward. He was infinite, constant, an angel in every way, even if he took lives.

I had seen into his mind, on that last night we'd had together.

He only took the lives of the evil, or those who, like him, did not wish to live. He'd told me of a young girl, Aimee, who had been lying in the street, praying for death.

Her drunken father beat her; she had thrown out onto the street by him. And then raped by a man Edward would kill later. She was praying.

"_God, if you can hear me, please, I don't want to live in this Hell any more. I've done so much wrong, but...I cannot live any more. I have no worth. I don't want to do it myself, I don't want to do it. Please. Please, kill me."_

Edward was merciful.

She'd exclaimed, "_I didn't think he'd send an angel, just get me run over by a truck or something!"_

Edward had smiled. _"I'm not an angel."_

"_I don't care," _she'd said._ "I want to die."_

"_I'm sorry." _He'd apologized to his victim_. "I...I'll try and end it quickly, you won't feel anything afterwards."_

She'd been confused for a moment, then had finally noticed his red eyes. "_Oh, I see. You..are a vampire." _

Edward had been shocked at her intelligence- she was quick on the uptake. "_Are you still sure?" _

She'd nodded. "_You still want to live your life. I...don't want mine._

"Bella!" I heard Cassandra call sweetly, dragging me out of my thoughts.

I turned.

The Volturi's remaining soldiers were holding Jasper.

_My_ Jasper

Advancing on him.

My _Jasper._

He was outnumbered.

_My Jasper._

"No!" I growled, pushing my shield away from my body, away from everyone, until it engulfed Jasper and repelled all of the offensives. I had only taken away my shield for a second. Just a second, to try and protect him. But a second was too long.

It had all been a diversion.

The few remaining members of the Volturi guard and their supporters advanced; all clamouring towards me. They all wanted a hand in this.

I felt the limbs being ripped from my body, but somehow I could not find any strength to fight back. The crunching pain as my limbs were ripped from me was unbelievable. It was all at once, a multiple tearing. And then...

I felt different.

It didn't hurt any more; I felt like I was everywhere...all at once. My foot was somewhere to my head's left...Something was burning me. Just at the tip of my fingers...my leg...my back, oh, my arms, my foot...

I was burning.

I saw the flames surrounding my face, burning me, but I could do nothing. I stared at Jasper, as he saw me in the fire. He ran towards me, and I wanted to scream out, scream for him. To tell him I loved him.

This wasn't a fair deal. I knew that vampires were destroyed by fire, but...I'd never imagined I'd be conscious for it. I didn't think I'd have to watch myself dying.

_Feel_ myself dying.

I was dying in Edward's ashes, in Elizabeth's, in Eleazar's, in Tanya's, in Alec's, in Aro's, in Jane's. My eyes lost focus, my love's face blurring in front of me as he screamed. But I couldn't hear anything over the roar of the flames, could not hear anything but my death.

The darkness closed over me.


	40. The End

_**The End**_

When we lose someone, our first thought is not for our own safety, but just to grieve for your someone, to try and bring them back even though it is futile.

Isabella Whitlock-Cullen was Jasper's someone.

She was burning in the pyre, where he could not retrieve her broken body from the flames. Like witches of the old age, she was innocent but couldn't be saved.

She was dying.

Her black eyes seemed to revert to their human brown as she perished. Her pale skin was engulfed in the flames, and a thick, heady scent filled the air, the aroma of those dying before her, and now her own sweet scent filling his nostrils.

The hand that held her wedding ring seemed to reach out towards him, wanting to be held one last time. The limb beneath the band burnt away, and the diamonds glinted through the flames.

She was gone.

Bella was gone.

The Bella he'd fought for, given up his life for. The Bella he'd watched love another man for forty years. The Bella who he'd had for only fifty. The immortal, unbreakable Bella...dead. How was it even possible? If she was so damn powerful, how was she dead?

The fighting around him had stopped; his family standing still as they realised what had happened, his friends gasping, his enemies stopping in their attack.

It was utterly silent.

Then, a low, guttural cry of pain emanated from the man as he fell to his knees, screaming at the flames, screaming until they all thought he would never stop.

Two vampires at the end of the clearing bowed low, though no one was looking at them. They spoke a few low words like condolences, but no one could hear as the cry continued, on and on and on and on, until Jasper ran out of air and took another shuddering breath of oxygen, starving the flame, the thief.

She was dead.

All he'd ever wanted, all he would ever want, his life, his everything...was gone. Just like that. She'd died for him, she'd taken away all of her defences in order to save him. He was so angry, so guilty.

"How could you leave me, Bella?" He screamed at the flames, screaming at the gold ring as it melted. "You were meant to be strong, you were strong, and you just died! How could you_ do that to me?_"

It wasn't her fault. He knew it wasn't her fault.

"You were the Queen of Vampires! That's what they called you! Everyone was terrified of you and your stupid powers! And they couldn't save you! What was even the point of you joining the damn Volturi? You could've just carried on, carried on breaking my damn heart!" He pulled up charred kindling from the flames and crushed them, throwing the dust back in to the purple column.

"You broke my heart, over and over, do you know that? I had to watch you, all that time, loving _him_! No one could ever measure up to you, for me! You just let me break inside! And now you're doing it again! You've just taken yourself away from me! You promised! You promised you would never leave! You told me, you told me you wouldn't! How can I live without you? What the hell did you do this for Bella? I love you so much and you're just _gone. _You can't be gone, you can't!"

Then it stopped; the sobs, the screams. No one moved, as he picked himself up, holding a silver object in his palm.

A bracelet that had been discarded when his wife's limbs had been torn away.

There was a foreign look of determination in his suddenly dark eyes, as he prepared to honour his own words, so long ago- _We go down together_.

No one spoke, only one petite vampire who had frozen in shock with her family, her black eyes widening.

"No!"

But it was too late.

The family would not save him, knowing this was what he wanted. Not even the enemies were cruel enough to take away this poor man's last request. They would not pull him from the fire in spite, though they'd been spiteful enough to take away the reason for his life.

Jasper Whitlock pushed himself into the flames, relishing the blistering heat, relishing the bubbling of his granite skin as it dissolved, as it burnt away. The physical pain was nothing compared to what the breaking of his heart felt like. She was all around him now, her sweet scent overpowering him, everywhere. Their scents intertwined and he ignored the pain. They were together again, now. He did not know what would come next; an afterlife, or nothing. But he would welcome it.

Because he could not exist without Bella.

The remaining Volturi guard turned away – without masters now, nor any kind of leaders, they were broken, and went their separate ways. Volterra would remain empty. The friends of the Cullens bowed their heads, and left also. They had no right to intrude on the family's grief. They had known the three, but not like the family. They were just bodies to some of them...more to others. Some stayed, grieving for their own families as well as others'.

Alice Cullen ran to the edge of the inferno, dropping on her knees like her old husband, and brother had done. Her husband followed her, her mother, her sister, her father, her brother. Mourning, sobbing. They did not follow their family into the inferno, and for this, the onlookers were thankful. They had lost too much, all of them.

_These violent delights have violent ends  
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,  
Which as they kiss consume._


	41. Alternate Endings

**Thank you so much to you all for staying supportive and faithful during all of the series, during my writer's block, and during the troubling end of the story. And last, a humongous thank you to bluesands22 – Amber – whom has made this alternate ending possible, that has made my Cullen's happiness possible. Hope I redeem myself in your eyes too. Please, please review because I know so many of you are reading but not reviewing. I have no qualms in messaging all of you that have this story on alert. Here's a little incentive, anyway:**** REVIEWERS WILL RECEIVE EXTRA SCENES THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT INTO THE TRILOGY. **

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I growled, pushing my shield away from my body, away from everyone, until it engulfed Jasper and repelled all of the offensives. I had only taken away my shield for a second. Just a second, to try and protect him.

But a second was too long.

It had all been a diversion. The few remaining members of the Volturi guard and their supporters advanced; all clamouring towards me. They all wanted a hand in this. I felt the limbs being ripped from my body, and all I could see was Jasper's face- horrified, disgusted, and powerless. I would not leave him; I could not leave him.

Power surged through my arms, through the core of my body, and I felt every fibre of every being holding on to me, every fibre of every being that had ever touched me, had ever seen me, felt me or thought of me.

Isabella Cullen.

I felt my shields come back, my powers engulfing me once more, but also fizzling away with each second as the blast destroyed each offending Volturi that had latched on to me, that had tried to take me away from my family, my love, my friends. A golden glow surrounded me – it wasn't visible, but I felt it, a heat, a sharp pang in my chest, a breath that seemed needed all of a sudden.

I collapsed.

Jasper's hands pulled at me, kissing me and caressing me. "God, Bella, Bella, oh thank God...are you alright? Speak to me Bella, darling, talk to me!"

"I'm fine, Jasper." My voice was different; like liquid – fluid running through the muscles and the air. Warmth ran through my body, and I opened my eyes to see my family and faithful friends around me.

A gasp escaped Rosalie's mouth. "Bella...your eyes..."

"What?" I asked, my voice coarse, a little shrill. My breathing sped up as I took in all of the wide eyes trained on me. "What?"

Rosalie was frowning; she looked positively distraught.

"Rose...what is it? What's wrong with my eyes? Are you all going to just stand there?"

There was an unfamiliar rushing in my ears as I looked around me wildly, a fluttering in my chest that felt like an echo. I looked at Jasper, tears pooling in my eyes. His eyes were shining, his mouth set in a painful line.

"Jasper? What is it? What's wrong?"

His hand reached out to me tentatively, towards my chest, where my dead heart lay. The fluttering continued in my breast, the loud pounding in my ears like the beat of a drum as I tried to breathe slowly. His cold fingertips hit my skin before his palm, and with the touch his eyes closed slowly.

His voice was gravel, low but still musical somehow. "I love you Bella. I love you so much, never forget that."

I held his face in between my fingers and felt the unusual chill of his granite skin. "What's wrong?"

Jasper seemed to jerk under my touch, and he drew a long, hollow breath, his eyes tight shut as he shuddered.

"Jasper?" I screeched. I wasn't aware of anything around me other than that no one was moving. He shuddered more, then stilled, slipping from his sitting position to the ground, his pale face against the coarse green grass. I let go, my hands covering my mouth as I sobbed and tears ran down my face.

Then, a breath escaped him, and steadily he moved more, even though he was still.

"What did I do?" I turned to Carlisle in horror, surprised to see a soft smile on his face. "Oh God, Jasper," I held my hands together, too scared to touch him. "Carlisle," I screamed, my throat pained by the force of it, "what have I done?"

Carlisle's voice was soft and watery as he spoke. "You can touch him, Bella, it's okay. You'll see. It's all okay." His fingertips clutched at Esme, whose eyes were still as wide as saucers, staring down at me and Jasper.

I reached a hand out to Jasper's face, caressing his smooth, warm skin gently. His eyes fluttered open, and I staggered backwards, breathing quick and frantically.

Blue.

His eyes were blue.

I tried to hold back the scream that was steadily building in my chest as I pressed my hand gently to my husband's chest. Underneath my palm, I felt the steady thump of a beating heart. And thus, recognized the thrumming that I'd been feeling in my chest, and the pounding in my ears, and the reason everyone was transfixed on my eyes.

I couldn't hold back the hysterical scream that escaped me then.

I was human. My Jasper was human. We were human.

We could grow old. We could die. We could have children. My stomach rolled and I dry-heaved into the grass beside us. After all, I had drank nothing but blood for years. Salty tears stung my cheeks and I unconsciously flicked a tongue out to taste the salt, reminding me of exactly how hungry I was.

I looked up at Carlisle, and stuttered out the word that was clouding my thoughts. "Human?"

"Yes, Bella. And, it looks like Jasper is too."

Rose sobbed out loud, her knuckles standing out as she clenched her fists and her jaw.

Emmett said quietly, "Babe..."

"No, Emmett!" She shook with grief. "It's not fair. I just...I want it! I want the children, I want to grow old! And Bella had it, and now...And now you've got it again!" She sobbed, but unlike me, no tears escaped.

Jasper, lying on his side on the grass, sat up just as I got up to hold Rose.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. I really am, if I could give it to you, I would! You know I would!" I wrapped my arms around her, and felt her stiffen, and heard a hollow breath not unlike Jasper's in my ear.

I let go, and stepped back. "Rose?"

I had never heard anyone drowning, but Rosalie's gasping breaths sounded what I would imagine it to be. She fell to the floor, eyes wide open, body rigid, as she tried desperately to gain air. Emmett fell with her, as in sync as I was with Jasper. I reached towards Rose and Emmett growled.

"I...I don't...I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt her..." Emmett never looked at me, eyes trained on Rose and I touched his shoulder in order to gain his attention.

The hollow breath that escaped him didn't scare me as much this time as it did the first. He hunched over Rose, the both of them shuddering and gasping for air as I stood and looked at Carlisle.

"It's me, isn't it?" I breathed. "It's me, I'm doing that to them!"

Carlisle smiled, and looked at Esme. She nodded. "Yes, Bella. And if it's possible, I'd like you to extend the favour to Esme and I."

Their hands, clasped, reached out to me.

Jasper was suddenly behind me, and I heard a smile in his voice with his sweet breath on my neck as he said, "Go on love. You can do this for them. You can do this for us all." I turned briefly to him and as our eyes met, blue and brown, I felt a rush of happiness and elation.

I looked at Esme and Carlisle, looking at me and then each other, and put my hands on theirs. They went down together, as Jasper had promised we would, but in a very different way.

Alice and Flynn clasped hands too, and I placed my hands on top of theirs.

By now, Rosalie and Emmett were both lying next to each other, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes.

When she turned to me, I noticed only one thing- her eyes. The violets I'd been imagining since I'd been told of her human colour were now embedded in the blonde's eyes, smiling up at me.

"Thank you. Thank you." She mouthed. And then, she turned back to Emmett as they sat up, and cried.

I had done so much damage in my life, hurt so many emotionally, mentally, physically. I had killed, and I had fought, and I had embodied evil. I had stood side by side with it and called it my brother.

I had lived longer than a human should; we all had. We'd cheated the world, cheated biology and science, seen wars and progression, seen things not even our grandchildren would have seen.

Now we breathed. Now, we bled. Now we redeemed ourselves.


End file.
